4 ms·

For me, coming to the realization that less social contact causes less stress and anxiety was a game changer. I struggled on and off with mental health issues f

For me, coming to the realization that less social contact causes less stress and anxiety was a game changer. I struggled on and off with mental health issues for a good chunk of my adult life. I found myself constantly in situations that were triggering or exhausting, and I couldn't understand how "normal" people managed to survive without falling apart. At some point I realized I could just give up trying to do "normal" things and actually that didn't make me a bad person. I divorced and didn't bother looking for a new partner. I stopped going to weddings and birthdays and other social events that had always stressed me out. I didn't become a hermit - I still go out to events that interest me and happily engage with strangers, I'm not worried about interacting with colleagues or customers in a work environment. The difference is that now social interactions are on my own terms, there isn't any pressure to appear or to perform in situations that I'm not interested in or that I have no contractual obligation to fulfill. It's let a massive weight off my shoulders and given me a much more positive outlook on life. I don't take any mood medication any more, I don't see a psychologist, my emotional health is so much better. I've often wondered if this means I am an introvert. I don't hate other people - on the contrary, I always try to be kind and respectful, and I try to see the humanity in people, even those who hold different views to me. I care a lot about society and the future of our species and our planet. I just don't feel a need to have social interactions in these tight-knit groups, having realized that they were the source of pretty much all my emotional struggles. One thing I do think is important to note is that this is somewhat of a privileged position to be in - things would be much harder for me if I were in a position where I needed to depend on familial or tribal support for survival. The longer I live like this, and meet other people who feel the same way, the more I've become convinced that a universal basic income is important, since it liberates people from having to be involved in social structures that might be harming their mental health. On the other hand, would deemphasizing family in a broader scale cause more loneliness in society? The article suggests lonely people are at higher risk of dementia, so is this actually a bad direction for society to take? It's interesting.

tomsmeding 6y ago
> I've often wondered if this means I am an introvert. I don't hate other people - on the contrary, I always try to be kind and respectful, and I try to see the humanity in people, even those who hold different views to me. I care a lot about society and the future of our species and our planet. I just don't feel a need to have social interactions in these tight-knit groups, having realized that they were the source of pretty much all my emotional struggles. I don't think whether one is an introvert necessarily has anything to do with whether one is kind and respectful. While being kind certainly seems like a beneficial thing if you're an extrovert, it doesn't seem quite necessary, and on the flip side preferring a quiet room doesn't mean one can't be kind. At least, I feel the same as you in that I'm certainly not one to do lots of partying (ignoring the special case of 2020), but I always try to be kind, helpful, etc. I'm not sure I can find myself in your story about emotional struggles, but that might just be my young age. > One thing I do think is important to note is that this is somewhat of a privileged position to be in Agree completely, there are various advantages to being wealthy enough to make your own choices about how to organise your life. This amount of wealth does not even necessarily mean "being rich", though in a sense we in that position are definitely rich (both money and other things), even if there are people far richer in terms of monetary value. And those "various advantages" can wind up being more than one may think, both those in the position of wealth and those not in that position.
Terr_ 6y ago
> I've often wondered if this means I am an introvert. I don't hate other people I think the most basic and least-controversial definition is that introverts feel the need to "recharge" after a period of socializing whereas extroverts want an encore. It's entirely possible to be introverted and also gregarious, outgoing, etc... It just means you need more breaks.
- BurningFrog 6y ago
  That's one definition of the word, but several others are also in use, endlessly confusing these discussions.
  - hombre_fatal 6y ago
    It’s a horoscope at this point. Literally everyone identifies with the need to “recharge”. Ever notice how everyone identifies with introversion using these definitions? Also, the most common definition people seem to be using is whether they feel social anxiety and whether or not they think someone else does. Though it’s kinda bring-your-own; the person above wonders if introverts hate people thus maybe they aren’t because they don’t hate people. The words never clarify discussion. We should drop them and just say what we mean.
    - alisonatwork 6y ago
      I think you're right that it's a good idea to avoid using the terms introvert and extrovert. In my original post I was perhaps falling a bit for a stereotype that introverts are also misanthropic. A more accurate description for me would be that I generally feel more at peace when I am picking my own path through life and don't have any close or intimate relationships interfering with that. I'm not sure it's social events per se that bring me stress, it's more the sense that I am obliged or expected to perform that causes me anxiety. What's still an interesting question for me is whether the sorts of negative health effects that - according to the article - are correlated with loneliness also happen to people who make a conscious choice to live more independent lifestyles. Is it physical isolation that causes these problems, or does it also happen to people who do superficially socialize in public but generally do so alone? Or are neither of these things a problem, only loneliness is a problem?
d33lio 6y ago
You articulated my feelings much better than I could've hoped to! I also struggled with mental health qualms through college, largely aided by an ADHD diagnosis at 22. Now that I know I'm on the fringes of the autism scale I've accepted that dating / relationships usually don't provide more social energy or positives than stress, negatives, or situations that make me feel lost or socially distant. I sort of wonder if I'm giving something up by basically giving up on dating - but I've reached a very warm peace with it all as of late.
utxaa 6y ago
good for you. i would say the problem was that culture has a problem with loners, and won't leave us alone. we have to conform and be social. so we try. and it kills some of us. i'm glad you have figured it out.

tomsmeding 6y ago

> I've often wondered if this means I am an introvert. I don't hate other people - on the contrary, I always try to be kind and respectful, and I try to see the humanity in people, even those who hold different views to me. I care a lot about society and the future of our species and our planet. I just don't feel a need to have social interactions in these tight-knit groups, having realized that they were the source of pretty much all my emotional struggles. I don't think whether one is an introvert necessarily has anything to do with whether one is kind and respectful. While being kind certainly seems like a beneficial thing if you're an extrovert, it doesn't seem quite necessary, and on the flip side preferring a quiet room doesn't mean one can't be kind. At least, I feel the same as you in that I'm certainly not one to do lots of partying (ignoring the special case of 2020), but I always try to be kind, helpful, etc. I'm not sure I can find myself in your story about emotional struggles, but that might just be my young age. > One thing I do think is important to note is that this is somewhat of a privileged position to be in Agree completely, there are various advantages to being wealthy enough to make your own choices about how to organise your life. This amount of wealth does not even necessarily mean "being rich", though in a sense we in that position are definitely rich (both money and other things), even if there are people far richer in terms of monetary value. And those "various advantages" can wind up being more than one may think, both those in the position of wealth and those not in that position.

Terr_ 6y ago

> I've often wondered if this means I am an introvert. I don't hate other people I think the most basic and least-controversial definition is that introverts feel the need to "recharge" after a period of socializing whereas extroverts want an encore. It's entirely possible to be introverted and also gregarious, outgoing, etc... It just means you need more breaks.

BurningFrog 6y ago
That's one definition of the word, but several others are also in use, endlessly confusing these discussions.
- hombre_fatal 6y ago
  It’s a horoscope at this point. Literally everyone identifies with the need to “recharge”. Ever notice how everyone identifies with introversion using these definitions? Also, the most common definition people seem to be using is whether they feel social anxiety and whether or not they think someone else does. Though it’s kinda bring-your-own; the person above wonders if introverts hate people thus maybe they aren’t because they don’t hate people. The words never clarify discussion. We should drop them and just say what we mean.
  - alisonatwork 6y ago
    I think you're right that it's a good idea to avoid using the terms introvert and extrovert. In my original post I was perhaps falling a bit for a stereotype that introverts are also misanthropic. A more accurate description for me would be that I generally feel more at peace when I am picking my own path through life and don't have any close or intimate relationships interfering with that. I'm not sure it's social events per se that bring me stress, it's more the sense that I am obliged or expected to perform that causes me anxiety. What's still an interesting question for me is whether the sorts of negative health effects that - according to the article - are correlated with loneliness also happen to people who make a conscious choice to live more independent lifestyles. Is it physical isolation that causes these problems, or does it also happen to people who do superficially socialize in public but generally do so alone? Or are neither of these things a problem, only loneliness is a problem?

d33lio 6y ago

You articulated my feelings much better than I could've hoped to! I also struggled with mental health qualms through college, largely aided by an ADHD diagnosis at 22. Now that I know I'm on the fringes of the autism scale I've accepted that dating / relationships usually don't provide more social energy or positives than stress, negatives, or situations that make me feel lost or socially distant. I sort of wonder if I'm giving something up by basically giving up on dating - but I've reached a very warm peace with it all as of late.

utxaa 6y ago

good for you. i would say the problem was that culture has a problem with loners, and won't leave us alone. we have to conform and be social. so we try. and it kills some of us. i'm glad you have figured it out.