3 ms·

Alone != Lonely.

coliveira 6y ago
That's a good point, because there are some people who spend their whole day on social interactions and still feel lonely.
- d33lio 6y ago
  Many overtly social people I know seem to use social interaction as a sort of crutch for avoiding solving personal issues. Then again, I have friends who just seem to be inherently "good" at being social without a distinct narrative or motive. I wish I could be like that, this is likely why I've fucked up a lot of "serious" relationships in the past.
  - nicklaf 6y ago
    > Many overtly social people I know seem to use social interaction as a sort of crutch for avoiding solving personal issues. Stalker / Solaris director Andrei Tarkovsky's advice to young people and being alone (video): https://www.openculture.com/2015/03/andrei-tarkovskys-message-to-young-people.html?source=techstories.org https://www.openculture.com/2015/03/andrei-tarkovskys-messag... I don’t know… I think I’d like to say only that they should learn to be alone and try to spend as much time as possible by themselves. I think one of the faults of young people today is that they try to come together around events that are noisy, almost aggressive at times. This desire to be together in order to not feel alone is an unfortunate symptom, in my opinion. Every person needs to learn from childhood how to spend time with oneself. That doesn’t mean he should be lonely, but that he shouldn’t grow bored with himself because people who grow bored in their own company seem to me in danger, from a self-esteem point of view.
agumonkey 6y ago
The converse is true too. Many felt, many times, totally alone and alienated in a group of friends.
- waterhouse 6y ago
  What do you think of the following: There's a range of different things one can get out of interacting with people—seeing a friendly face, intellectual conversation, doing an activity together, discussing problems, emotional support, things one would do with a lover, and so on. I'm certain that there is large variation in how much people need of each of these things, or how much it bothers them if they don't get it. Then I would define "loneliness" to mean "there is some type of interaction you need that you're not getting".
  - agumonkey 6y ago
    Hmm in that particular case I'd say it's a little bit more on the "you're getting things you don't want" more than just a lack. There's a kind of aggression of being surrounded by people in a very different state of mind. My 2 cents
    - Talanes 6y ago
      I find personally that there's a vague sort of pyramid structure to my social needs. Frivolous socializing is a fun break when my deeper social needs are met, but I start to resent it when it's the majority of my socializing.
      - agumonkey 6y ago
        Fun idea, I like that.
  - utxaa 6y ago
    yeah, that's pretty much it.
kgin 6y ago
Definitely not equal, but the overlap is pretty large
hnick 6y ago
The article seems to confuse these too. "Lonely people have been found, for example, to focus more on internal thoughts, perhaps to compensate for their lack of actual social experiences." Well, for me, I daydream and live in my head a lot but I don't think I've ever really felt lonely in the last 10 years at least. So my brain probably looks like this but I would've responded to their survey with "not lonely". Maybe from their point of view I've been coping so long I don't even realise it? I think a better study would have segmented out people who have limited social contact but don't feel lonely. Post-apocalyptic movies with a small cast have a strange appeal to me, like it's the ideal small unit of society. We sort of got to experience that earlier this year in Sydney, with few cars on the road, no one walking around outside, and times when I didn't leave the house for days on end except to walk the dog. It was bliss. I had my dog and my wife and a few people on chat, and that's all I needed.

Alone != Lonely.

That's a good point, because there are some people who spend their whole day on social interactions and still feel lonely.

d33lio 6y ago
Many overtly social people I know seem to use social interaction as a sort of crutch for avoiding solving personal issues. Then again, I have friends who just seem to be inherently "good" at being social without a distinct narrative or motive. I wish I could be like that, this is likely why I've fucked up a lot of "serious" relationships in the past.
- nicklaf 6y ago
  > Many overtly social people I know seem to use social interaction as a sort of crutch for avoiding solving personal issues. Stalker / Solaris director Andrei Tarkovsky's advice to young people and being alone (video): https://www.openculture.com/2015/03/andrei-tarkovskys-message-to-young-people.html?source=techstories.org https://www.openculture.com/2015/03/andrei-tarkovskys-messag... I don’t know… I think I’d like to say only that they should learn to be alone and try to spend as much time as possible by themselves. I think one of the faults of young people today is that they try to come together around events that are noisy, almost aggressive at times. This desire to be together in order to not feel alone is an unfortunate symptom, in my opinion. Every person needs to learn from childhood how to spend time with oneself. That doesn’t mean he should be lonely, but that he shouldn’t grow bored with himself because people who grow bored in their own company seem to me in danger, from a self-esteem point of view.

agumonkey 6y ago

The converse is true too. Many felt, many times, totally alone and alienated in a group of friends.

waterhouse 6y ago
What do you think of the following: There's a range of different things one can get out of interacting with people—seeing a friendly face, intellectual conversation, doing an activity together, discussing problems, emotional support, things one would do with a lover, and so on. I'm certain that there is large variation in how much people need of each of these things, or how much it bothers them if they don't get it. Then I would define "loneliness" to mean "there is some type of interaction you need that you're not getting".
- agumonkey 6y ago
  Hmm in that particular case I'd say it's a little bit more on the "you're getting things you don't want" more than just a lack. There's a kind of aggression of being surrounded by people in a very different state of mind. My 2 cents
  - Talanes 6y ago
    I find personally that there's a vague sort of pyramid structure to my social needs. Frivolous socializing is a fun break when my deeper social needs are met, but I start to resent it when it's the majority of my socializing.
    - agumonkey 6y ago
      Fun idea, I like that.
- utxaa 6y ago
  yeah, that's pretty much it.

kgin 6y ago

Definitely not equal, but the overlap is pretty large

hnick 6y ago

The article seems to confuse these too. "Lonely people have been found, for example, to focus more on internal thoughts, perhaps to compensate for their lack of actual social experiences." Well, for me, I daydream and live in my head a lot but I don't think I've ever really felt lonely in the last 10 years at least. So my brain probably looks like this but I would've responded to their survey with "not lonely". Maybe from their point of view I've been coping so long I don't even realise it? I think a better study would have segmented out people who have limited social contact but don't feel lonely. Post-apocalyptic movies with a small cast have a strange appeal to me, like it's the ideal small unit of society. We sort of got to experience that earlier this year in Sydney, with few cars on the road, no one walking around outside, and times when I didn't leave the house for days on end except to walk the dog. It was bliss. I had my dog and my wife and a few people on chat, and that's all I needed.