I keep wondering if there is a term for the act of telling yourself something and not truly believing it. Or the implications of constantly remembering about an

I keep wondering if there is a term for the act of telling yourself something and not truly believing it. Or the implications of constantly remembering about an idea but denying it as not a "true" want. This kind of behavior is of great interest for me. Because I thought that that was what I was doing when I said I didn't want to try art as a hobby, and actively disliked it whenever I chose to do it, but with a self-induced financial obligation it actually became bearable, although not yet pleasurable.