> But I think that’s actually too nice to the helper, and uncharitable to the complainer (in that it assumes they weirdly don’t care about solving their problem

> But I think that’s actually too nice to the helper, and uncharitable to the complainer (in that it assumes they weirdly don’t care about solving their problem). Yes, actually! Sometimes people don't have the energy to face and solve a problem _right now_, but are still feeling overwhelmed by it and seek validation from others that, yes, the feeling they're experiencing is real and acceptable. > What’s really going on is probably that your advice is bad, because you didn’t really listen, because you weren’t curious enough. Or maybe providing you with all the little details and context about their problem is taking _even more energy_ when they specifically turned to vent to you because they don't have the energy to solve their problem right now.