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Your #2 point is definitely the root of it, I think. The shit sandwich is sort of a shortcut to establishing the good feelings of a trusting relationship. I gu

by ketzo 6y ago

Your #2 point is definitely the root of it, I think. The shit sandwich is sort of a shortcut to establishing the good feelings of a trusting relationship. I guess the question is whether someone who already has a trusting relationship with the person they're critiquing should still go for 2:1; personally, I lean towards yes. I think regardless of how well you know someone, it just makes for a nice environment when you start and end with some positivity. But you're right that there's not always gonna be enough positive things to praise for that to be possible. It's a balancing act -- how do I distribute the thoughtful praise I do have so that I can create a positive environment for my criticism?

aidenn0 6y ago
Theres also different levels of trust. I think my wife and I have a very trusting relationship; the way that she criticizes me would possibly be inappropriate in a professional setting, and definitely raises eyebrows when overheard by others. She is able to not beat around the bush with criticism because of the relationship we have, and it's good that she doesn't because with kids, household &c. there's a lot to communicate and often not a lot of time to do it (plus any time we spend on necessary communication eats into our leisure time together). With my boss of many years, the conversation is a bit less intimate and frank, but still fairly to the point: "[foo] sucked. You need to figure out how to make it suck less. If you need resources to make it suck less next time, let me know. [Peer A] is quite good at [foo] so maybe you can reach out to [him/her] for some tips." If it's in the context of a periodic review, there will probably be lots of positive comments too, but that's more natural because (hopefully) no period of work goes buy without both good and bad things happening. When I got a new manager, the relationship was newer so there was a bit more beating around the bush for things just because the relationship is not as sussed out. This is natural.

by ketzo 6y ago

aidenn0 6y ago

Theres also different levels of trust. I think my wife and I have a very trusting relationship; the way that she criticizes me would possibly be inappropriate in a professional setting, and definitely raises eyebrows when overheard by others. She is able to not beat around the bush with criticism because of the relationship we have, and it's good that she doesn't because with kids, household &c. there's a lot to communicate and often not a lot of time to do it (plus any time we spend on necessary communication eats into our leisure time together). With my boss of many years, the conversation is a bit less intimate and frank, but still fairly to the point: "[foo] sucked. You need to figure out how to make it suck less. If you need resources to make it suck less next time, let me know. [Peer A] is quite good at [foo] so maybe you can reach out to [him/her] for some tips." If it's in the context of a periodic review, there will probably be lots of positive comments too, but that's more natural because (hopefully) no period of work goes buy without both good and bad things happening. When I got a new manager, the relationship was newer so there was a bit more beating around the bush for things just because the relationship is not as sussed out. This is natural.