4 ms·

This isn't just a business thing, either. Artistic critiques, either in the visual arts or elsewhere, also tend to follow a "shit sandwich" plan. The way I hea

by ketzo 6y ago

This isn't just a business thing, either. Artistic critiques, either in the visual arts or elsewhere, also tend to follow a "shit sandwich" plan. The way I heard it explained once (which totally makes sense to me) is not that you're idly flattering the person to make them feel better, because god knows that feels gross; rather, if you can deliver a thoughtful positive comment (that the person knows or can see is true of their own work), it shows that you're making a good faith effort to really evaluate their work. That way, a criticism comes off less like an insult and more like a place to build from.

aidenn0 6y ago
1. Thoughtful praise is always good. 2. Leading with thoughtful praise is probably necessary when making a negative comment if you don't already have a trusting relationship. If it is reasonable for the other person to think you are just armchair-quarterbacking and don't actually understand their problem, you need to demonstrate otherwise first, and voicing appreciation for things that they have done is one way to do so. 3. If a manager hasn't already established this relationship with their direct reports, then there are probably other problems (unless it's someone new on the team) 4. Having to do this every time will eventually lead to idle flattery or non-sequitur comments just because things don't always happen in a nice 2:1 ratio of good to bad.
- ketzo 6y ago
  Your #2 point is definitely the root of it, I think. The shit sandwich is sort of a shortcut to establishing the good feelings of a trusting relationship. I guess the question is whether someone who already has a trusting relationship with the person they're critiquing should still go for 2:1; personally, I lean towards yes. I think regardless of how well you know someone, it just makes for a nice environment when you start and end with some positivity. But you're right that there's not always gonna be enough positive things to praise for that to be possible. It's a balancing act -- how do I distribute the thoughtful praise I do have so that I can create a positive environment for my criticism?
  - aidenn0 6y ago
    Theres also different levels of trust. I think my wife and I have a very trusting relationship; the way that she criticizes me would possibly be inappropriate in a professional setting, and definitely raises eyebrows when overheard by others. She is able to not beat around the bush with criticism because of the relationship we have, and it's good that she doesn't because with kids, household &c. there's a lot to communicate and often not a lot of time to do it (plus any time we spend on necessary communication eats into our leisure time together). With my boss of many years, the conversation is a bit less intimate and frank, but still fairly to the point: "[foo] sucked. You need to figure out how to make it suck less. If you need resources to make it suck less next time, let me know. [Peer A] is quite good at [foo] so maybe you can reach out to [him/her] for some tips." If it's in the context of a periodic review, there will probably be lots of positive comments too, but that's more natural because (hopefully) no period of work goes buy without both good and bad things happening. When I got a new manager, the relationship was newer so there was a bit more beating around the bush for things just because the relationship is not as sussed out. This is natural.

by ketzo 6y ago

aidenn0 6y ago

1. Thoughtful praise is always good. 2. Leading with thoughtful praise is probably necessary when making a negative comment if you don't already have a trusting relationship. If it is reasonable for the other person to think you are just armchair-quarterbacking and don't actually understand their problem, you need to demonstrate otherwise first, and voicing appreciation for things that they have done is one way to do so. 3. If a manager hasn't already established this relationship with their direct reports, then there are probably other problems (unless it's someone new on the team) 4. Having to do this every time will eventually lead to idle flattery or non-sequitur comments just because things don't always happen in a nice 2:1 ratio of good to bad.

ketzo 6y ago
Your #2 point is definitely the root of it, I think. The shit sandwich is sort of a shortcut to establishing the good feelings of a trusting relationship. I guess the question is whether someone who already has a trusting relationship with the person they're critiquing should still go for 2:1; personally, I lean towards yes. I think regardless of how well you know someone, it just makes for a nice environment when you start and end with some positivity. But you're right that there's not always gonna be enough positive things to praise for that to be possible. It's a balancing act -- how do I distribute the thoughtful praise I do have so that I can create a positive environment for my criticism?
- aidenn0 6y ago
  Theres also different levels of trust. I think my wife and I have a very trusting relationship; the way that she criticizes me would possibly be inappropriate in a professional setting, and definitely raises eyebrows when overheard by others. She is able to not beat around the bush with criticism because of the relationship we have, and it's good that she doesn't because with kids, household &c. there's a lot to communicate and often not a lot of time to do it (plus any time we spend on necessary communication eats into our leisure time together). With my boss of many years, the conversation is a bit less intimate and frank, but still fairly to the point: "[foo] sucked. You need to figure out how to make it suck less. If you need resources to make it suck less next time, let me know. [Peer A] is quite good at [foo] so maybe you can reach out to [him/her] for some tips." If it's in the context of a periodic review, there will probably be lots of positive comments too, but that's more natural because (hopefully) no period of work goes buy without both good and bad things happening. When I got a new manager, the relationship was newer so there was a bit more beating around the bush for things just because the relationship is not as sussed out. This is natural.