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The fundamental fallacy of this article is that being the founder of the next Facebook or CEO of a large Fortune 100 company equals success. These Asian parents

The fundamental fallacy of this article is that being the founder of the next Facebook or CEO of a large Fortune 100 company equals success. These Asian parents simply want their children to do better than they did when they came to the US, which pretty much means a comfortable white collar job over a back-breaking blue collar job.

potatolicious 16y ago
But what is doing better? As an Asian immigrant myself I have no shortage of people in my circles who are absolutely miserable being upper-middle class white collar workers. Asian upbringings do not optimize for happiness, nor even physical well-being. It seeks to maximize income - and it does quite well at that. We're taught from a young age that we must work hard in school. Why? So we can test well and make it into a good high school (it works that way in much of Asia). Then we must study hard - to make it into a good college. Then we must study ever harder - to excel and be considered for a well-paying job. Then the progression stops, and the advice runs out. All your life the entire raison d'etre for you has been The Next Step, but now there is none. You've done it, you've hit the end, trumpets are supposed to blare, and... and... And then what? You have an entire generation of people who pushed, prodded, and hauled their entire existence to work hard so they may have a good life - but in that process they were never taught what a good life was. I found myself in that position going through college. I sacrificed socialization in exchange for raw academic performance, and found myself unable to connect with the people around me. I was making six figures out of college, but had nothing to spend it on, save gadgetry and fast machines - tools that allowed to bury myself in a world where I wasn't a mostly socially-retarded 20-something that had stunted social skills, no artistic or creative inclinations, no hobbies, and a circle consisting mostly of equally lost young professionals like myself. It's taken every ounce of effort and time (and a not insignificant sum of money) to start digging myself out of this hole - and I suppose my warning to people is to never dig that hole in the first place. If you're going to waste away your teens just so you can waste away your twenties catching up to the rest of the world, don't.
- wattsbaat 16y ago
  > Then the progression stops, and the advice runs out. All your life the entire raison d'etre for you has been The Next Step, but now there is none. You've done it, you've hit the end, trumpets are supposed to blare, and... and... And then what? You must have either seen this or you don't need to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4
  - potatolicious 16y ago
    I first saw that right when I was going through this whole existential crisis after college. Suffice to say it got me sad and mad all at once - sad that I haven't seen and comprehended this video earlier (though tbh, it wouldn't have made a difference), mad that it took me this long to realize the fundamental truth of what it posits.
  - mturmon 16y ago
    A lot of old Alan Watts recordings are still played on KPFK and perhaps other Pacifica stations. There was a time when the West coast avant garde consisted of both artists and nerds, less so now.
- LargeWu 16y ago
  About a month ago I was doing some nonprofit work for a local youth organization, and was working with a 16 year old who was already taking college level pre-med classes. He explained that he was going to be either a doctor or an engineer "because, you know, I'm Asian". Someone else later asked him if he wanted to be a doctor, and he replied "it's sort of the family business", as though he had no choice in the matter. (his father is a doctor at a very prestigious clinic). All the while, he seemed very interested in the development work we were doing, but being "merely" a web developer would not be an appropriate profession. I got the feeling that even if he had no interest in medicine or engineering he felt compelled to pursue one of those careers to satisfy expectations. I wanted to tell him just to slow down and enjoy being young a bit, but it wasn't any of my business, and it wouldn't matter anyway. I just feel bad that this poor kid is going to miss out on some of the best parts of college because he's too focused on reaching a goal he probably doesn't even really want.

potatolicious 16y ago

But what is doing better? As an Asian immigrant myself I have no shortage of people in my circles who are absolutely miserable being upper-middle class white collar workers. Asian upbringings do not optimize for happiness, nor even physical well-being. It seeks to maximize income - and it does quite well at that. We're taught from a young age that we must work hard in school. Why? So we can test well and make it into a good high school (it works that way in much of Asia). Then we must study hard - to make it into a good college. Then we must study ever harder - to excel and be considered for a well-paying job. Then the progression stops, and the advice runs out. All your life the entire raison d'etre for you has been The Next Step, but now there is none. You've done it, you've hit the end, trumpets are supposed to blare, and... and... And then what? You have an entire generation of people who pushed, prodded, and hauled their entire existence to work hard so they may have a good life - but in that process they were never taught what a good life was. I found myself in that position going through college. I sacrificed socialization in exchange for raw academic performance, and found myself unable to connect with the people around me. I was making six figures out of college, but had nothing to spend it on, save gadgetry and fast machines - tools that allowed to bury myself in a world where I wasn't a mostly socially-retarded 20-something that had stunted social skills, no artistic or creative inclinations, no hobbies, and a circle consisting mostly of equally lost young professionals like myself. It's taken every ounce of effort and time (and a not insignificant sum of money) to start digging myself out of this hole - and I suppose my warning to people is to never dig that hole in the first place. If you're going to waste away your teens just so you can waste away your twenties catching up to the rest of the world, don't.

wattsbaat 16y ago
> Then the progression stops, and the advice runs out. All your life the entire raison d'etre for you has been The Next Step, but now there is none. You've done it, you've hit the end, trumpets are supposed to blare, and... and... And then what? You must have either seen this or you don't need to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4
- potatolicious 16y ago
  I first saw that right when I was going through this whole existential crisis after college. Suffice to say it got me sad and mad all at once - sad that I haven't seen and comprehended this video earlier (though tbh, it wouldn't have made a difference), mad that it took me this long to realize the fundamental truth of what it posits.
- mturmon 16y ago
  A lot of old Alan Watts recordings are still played on KPFK and perhaps other Pacifica stations. There was a time when the West coast avant garde consisted of both artists and nerds, less so now.
LargeWu 16y ago
About a month ago I was doing some nonprofit work for a local youth organization, and was working with a 16 year old who was already taking college level pre-med classes. He explained that he was going to be either a doctor or an engineer "because, you know, I'm Asian". Someone else later asked him if he wanted to be a doctor, and he replied "it's sort of the family business", as though he had no choice in the matter. (his father is a doctor at a very prestigious clinic). All the while, he seemed very interested in the development work we were doing, but being "merely" a web developer would not be an appropriate profession. I got the feeling that even if he had no interest in medicine or engineering he felt compelled to pursue one of those careers to satisfy expectations. I wanted to tell him just to slow down and enjoy being young a bit, but it wasn't any of my business, and it wouldn't matter anyway. I just feel bad that this poor kid is going to miss out on some of the best parts of college because he's too focused on reaching a goal he probably doesn't even really want.