5 ms·

Right. And I would hate to be looking forward to 2+ hours of being with someone after I figure out that I'm no longer interested in the person within the first

by gexla 6y ago

Right. And I would hate to be looking forward to 2+ hours of being with someone after I figure out that I'm no longer interested in the person within the first 5 minutes of a first date. Dinner following the movie gives you all sorts of opportunities to screw up and then you still have the task of finishing the meal. Bad table manners, getting messy food all over your face, making odd eating noises and the list goes on. Leave all that until after your date is already much into you. Best date? Coffee. Explicitly tell your date that you're going to be out after one cup or 15 minutes, which ever comes first. If the date goes bad, then either party only needs to wait 15 minutes or drain the coffee and run. It's only 15 minutes of conversation to fill. Memorize a list of questions if you have to. Then try to improv on the questions and the following conversation. Don't have anything to say? Let the date answer the questions. Date is answering quickly? Then make sure you create lots of questions. Or maybe the conversation just isn't that interesting and you should drain your coffee. Repeat for date #2 Then you can start getting more creative after that. Date doesn't like that the meeting was so quick? There's plenty of fish in the sea. Edit: Yeah, I'm not a dating advice guy. Sorry about that. I don't know where this came from. I guess the point is to make those first couple of dates quick and also easy to bail on.

Talanes 6y ago
Yeah, that would never fly for me. Nobody is going to become more interested in me as experienced in only a 15 minute sitting, while conversely I can maintain interest in ANYBODY for 15 minutes. That's just a recipe for me getting in my head about people that I would realize are not right for me within another 30 minutes, who will never call me again.
- gexla 6y ago
  1st date is more about maintaining the level of interest, not raising it. They were interested enough in you to go on a date with maybe just remote correspondence. A quick date is just an extension of that. Maintaining enough interest in a first date will lead to a second. The first two are just like job interviews. You get a ton more information seeing someone face to face than you do with remote correspondence. I can find out more about a person in 5 minutes of meeting than I can in 5 weeks of chatting on a messaging app. It's the in-person 1st impression. That impression can't be erased with another hour of time with the person. I'm looking at limiting downside of a meeting while not necessarily raising the ceiling. The downside is more important to me. If I don't pass the first impression, then I don't want for the person to be stuck with me for an hour following. Just break it off right there, but we'll finish our coffee first.
  - Talanes 6y ago
    >It's the in-person 1st impression. That impression can't be erased with another hour of time with the person. I honestly don't think that I show any personality within the first 15 minutes of meeting someone. I am polite and interested, sure, but 15 minutes is about the minimum to organically hit on conversation that moves past that level.
    - gexla 6y ago
      Right, but my focus is more about making the date tolerable if you don't click right away. There's nothing worse than being on a long date with someone when you know within the first 5 minutes that you aren't interested. And again, you showed enough to get the person to meet you in the first place and that was likely through the exchange of remote messages. Maybe I miss out by not giving the date more time to work, but there's an abundance of options. There will always be more dates as long as you are putting in the right effort. That first date is like a quick interview which screens people for a more extensive meeting.
      - Talanes 6y ago
        I'm one hundred percent with you on the long date thing. I do believe first dates shouldn't be in a locked-in setting. My first date probably look exactly like yours, except that my goal is to keep things going as long as is enjoyable.

by gexla 6y ago

Talanes 6y ago

Yeah, that would never fly for me. Nobody is going to become more interested in me as experienced in only a 15 minute sitting, while conversely I can maintain interest in ANYBODY for 15 minutes. That's just a recipe for me getting in my head about people that I would realize are not right for me within another 30 minutes, who will never call me again.

gexla 6y ago
1st date is more about maintaining the level of interest, not raising it. They were interested enough in you to go on a date with maybe just remote correspondence. A quick date is just an extension of that. Maintaining enough interest in a first date will lead to a second. The first two are just like job interviews. You get a ton more information seeing someone face to face than you do with remote correspondence. I can find out more about a person in 5 minutes of meeting than I can in 5 weeks of chatting on a messaging app. It's the in-person 1st impression. That impression can't be erased with another hour of time with the person. I'm looking at limiting downside of a meeting while not necessarily raising the ceiling. The downside is more important to me. If I don't pass the first impression, then I don't want for the person to be stuck with me for an hour following. Just break it off right there, but we'll finish our coffee first.
- Talanes 6y ago
  >It's the in-person 1st impression. That impression can't be erased with another hour of time with the person. I honestly don't think that I show any personality within the first 15 minutes of meeting someone. I am polite and interested, sure, but 15 minutes is about the minimum to organically hit on conversation that moves past that level.
  - gexla 6y ago
    Right, but my focus is more about making the date tolerable if you don't click right away. There's nothing worse than being on a long date with someone when you know within the first 5 minutes that you aren't interested. And again, you showed enough to get the person to meet you in the first place and that was likely through the exchange of remote messages. Maybe I miss out by not giving the date more time to work, but there's an abundance of options. There will always be more dates as long as you are putting in the right effort. That first date is like a quick interview which screens people for a more extensive meeting.
    - Talanes 6y ago
      I'm one hundred percent with you on the long date thing. I do believe first dates shouldn't be in a locked-in setting. My first date probably look exactly like yours, except that my goal is to keep things going as long as is enjoyable.