3 ms·

I have the opposite regrets. I have a very persuadable personality, and despite my anxiety in social interactions, I was often pushed into things that everyone

I have the opposite regrets. I have a very persuadable personality, and despite my anxiety in social interactions, I was often pushed into things that everyone was doing, but I wasn't enjoying doing. So much time was spent playing games I don't like, doing sports that weren't my strength. When I reflect on my younger years, I'd probably had been less sullen and depressed if I allowed myself to stay in my apartments, studying, making music, and just not concerning so much about people's invitations. I should've just taken the damn violin classes instead of going to tennis courts; or written my damn novel, instead of going to the party watching people drink alcohol and blow on ping-pong balls. For those who enjoy parties, they were fond memories. For me, they only exacerbated my loneliness. There are two realizations that came to me too late: 1). I don't need to appease to every interests of my immediate circle to maintain friendships; it's in fact somewhat counter-productive. 2). however niche a hobby is, there are probably enough people also doing it to give me enough society, especially in the age of internet. By first asserting to myself my actual passions, and seeking friends based on that, I actually get a broader circle of friends in a more organic way.

mrandish 6y ago
I've had similar experiences. I find both your post and the immediate parent valuable because they contrast different ways we can choose to interpret experiences many of us have. I've certainly regretted not doing some kinds of things and then regretted doing very similar types of things. For me, the "best" posture isn't a fixed default but varies depending context and even the phase of life I was in at the time. Over the years, PG has written other useful essays on leveraging better mental models when facing uncertainty, increasing situational awareness in spite of contextual or cultural biases and applying Bayesian reasoning toward more effective life choices. My key takeaway has been that I'm now less likely to beat myself up over past mistaken choices, as long I had... 1. Evaluated the decision with diligence appropriate to the value or risk I perceived. 2. Applied the most appropriate mental model I had. 3. Was not knowingly in conflict with my core values at the time (given my current resources, abilities and maturity). This helps me learn and grow from my major mistakes while reducing unproductive rumination and inappropriate self-blame. Considering alternative possible context and motivations in the absence of information helps me avoid leaping to unjustified conclusions. This has led to being more reflective and understanding when it comes to the mistakes of others. The tangible benefit externally has been improved relationships with family, friends and co-workers. Internally, I seem to accrue negative emotional life baggage at a lower rate than before.

mrandish 6y ago

I've had similar experiences. I find both your post and the immediate parent valuable because they contrast different ways we can choose to interpret experiences many of us have. I've certainly regretted not doing some kinds of things and then regretted doing very similar types of things. For me, the "best" posture isn't a fixed default but varies depending context and even the phase of life I was in at the time. Over the years, PG has written other useful essays on leveraging better mental models when facing uncertainty, increasing situational awareness in spite of contextual or cultural biases and applying Bayesian reasoning toward more effective life choices. My key takeaway has been that I'm now less likely to beat myself up over past mistaken choices, as long I had... 1. Evaluated the decision with diligence appropriate to the value or risk I perceived. 2. Applied the most appropriate mental model I had. 3. Was not knowingly in conflict with my core values at the time (given my current resources, abilities and maturity). This helps me learn and grow from my major mistakes while reducing unproductive rumination and inappropriate self-blame. Considering alternative possible context and motivations in the absence of information helps me avoid leaping to unjustified conclusions. This has led to being more reflective and understanding when it comes to the mistakes of others. The tangible benefit externally has been improved relationships with family, friends and co-workers. Internally, I seem to accrue negative emotional life baggage at a lower rate than before.