4 ms·

Men and women experience dating sites very differently. Women get annoyed/numbed being bombarded with low-effort pings. Men get annoyed with low response ratio.

Men and women experience dating sites very differently. Women get annoyed/numbed being bombarded with low-effort pings. Men get annoyed with low response ratio. This causes a negative feedback loop. And dating sites earn more money by not quite solving their client's problem. Though I got dates and two relationships out of dating sites, their dishonesty/manipulation was apparent to me.

throwaway39938 6y ago
> Though I got dates and two relationships Look at Mr Popular here.
- dang 6y ago
  Creating accounts to break HN's guidelines with will eventually get your main account banned as well, so please don't do that. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
  - DangFlame7 6y ago
    Yea he's not lying. This is my 12th account and 1,4,5,7,9,11, and 12 are banned. Then you will have to do PSA's like me to show penance.
rainingcatndogs 6y ago
I recently read a book which explores these patterns using real data: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21480734-dataclysm https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21480734-dataclysm
throwaway_234 6y ago
Yes, match.com has been sued by the FTC for all their fake crap and still they are doing it, especially when your profile is about to expire. A few days from that date you will all the sudden get attractive women that never bothered with you previously. These are fake accounts to get you to re-up your membership and again/even after being sued by the FTC are pulling this crap!
- FireBeyond 6y ago
  Yup. Nearly 20 years ago one of my friends was paid to create profiles on a dating site, and then even to respond a couple of times before ghosting people.
- jl2718 6y ago
  Facebook has been doing that to me for years. It’s tough with women because I sometimes click the bait when I think it might be someone I know who got married.
c06n 6y ago
> women Except for Black women in the US. Together with Asian men (especially from India), they have a really, really tough time. There are a number of peer reviewed studies on the matter, it seems to be a stable pattern.
- dvtrn 6y ago
  I don't know if OKCupid's old metrics have been peer reviewed but black and Indian men, at least on that platform-at the time of writing-didn't even get a 20% response rate. Literally every other demographic exceeded 20%. https://www.gwern.net/docs/psychology/okcupid/howyourraceaffectsthemessagesyouget.html https://www.gwern.net/docs/psychology/okcupid/howyourraceaff... (archived copy of the 2009 blog post)
  - bruceb 6y ago
    This though isn't as clear cut as it seems. Need to normalize for born in America and just got here a year ago. Rudder doesn't normalize the data.
- bruceb 6y ago
  Have there actually been peer reviewed studies, as the OKcupid blog post isn't even normalized for race.
deleted 6y ago
[deleted]
taigeair 6y ago
I'm thinking the problem is local fragmented markets. If people could date across longer distances, then I think the preference would be averaged out a lot better. For example, in the USA, Asian might not be viewed as highly but in Australia, they might be.

throwaway39938 6y ago

> Though I got dates and two relationships Look at Mr Popular here.

dang 6y ago
Creating accounts to break HN's guidelines with will eventually get your main account banned as well, so please don't do that. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
- DangFlame7 6y ago
  Yea he's not lying. This is my 12th account and 1,4,5,7,9,11, and 12 are banned. Then you will have to do PSA's like me to show penance.

rainingcatndogs 6y ago

I recently read a book which explores these patterns using real data: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21480734-dataclysm https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21480734-dataclysm

throwaway_234 6y ago

Yes, match.com has been sued by the FTC for all their fake crap and still they are doing it, especially when your profile is about to expire. A few days from that date you will all the sudden get attractive women that never bothered with you previously. These are fake accounts to get you to re-up your membership and again/even after being sued by the FTC are pulling this crap!

FireBeyond 6y ago
Yup. Nearly 20 years ago one of my friends was paid to create profiles on a dating site, and then even to respond a couple of times before ghosting people.
jl2718 6y ago
Facebook has been doing that to me for years. It’s tough with women because I sometimes click the bait when I think it might be someone I know who got married.

c06n 6y ago

> women Except for Black women in the US. Together with Asian men (especially from India), they have a really, really tough time. There are a number of peer reviewed studies on the matter, it seems to be a stable pattern.

dvtrn 6y ago
I don't know if OKCupid's old metrics have been peer reviewed but black and Indian men, at least on that platform-at the time of writing-didn't even get a 20% response rate. Literally every other demographic exceeded 20%. https://www.gwern.net/docs/psychology/okcupid/howyourraceaffectsthemessagesyouget.html https://www.gwern.net/docs/psychology/okcupid/howyourraceaff... (archived copy of the 2009 blog post)
- bruceb 6y ago
  This though isn't as clear cut as it seems. Need to normalize for born in America and just got here a year ago. Rudder doesn't normalize the data.
bruceb 6y ago
Have there actually been peer reviewed studies, as the OKcupid blog post isn't even normalized for race.

deleted 6y ago

[deleted]

taigeair 6y ago

I'm thinking the problem is local fragmented markets. If people could date across longer distances, then I think the preference would be averaged out a lot better. For example, in the USA, Asian might not be viewed as highly but in Australia, they might be.