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The Last Post
- jnoller 15y agoI didn't know Derek, but reading this I'll miss him, but thank him for this. Between this post, "Cranking" (http://www.43folders.com/2011/04/22/cranking http://www.43folders.com/2011/04/22/cranking) and the fact I have a second child probably coming Very Soon Now, I have to admit I'm sitting back and thinking hard about where I've spent, and am spending my time. I'm thinking about all the wasted time and opportunities I've accrued over the past 31 years. I'm thinking about all the time spent arguing with people on the internet and giving up my free time to change some small part of the world, and not playing with my almost four year old daughter, or talking with my beautiful wife. Take stock in your life and make sure you're following your passions. Make sure you try to remember and capture every moment before it's gone. Change the world while you're still here. Appreciate the world while you're still here.
- joshkaufman 15y agoThis hit me hard as well. I just wrote a post about choosing to spend time with my 4 month old daughter every morning instead of working full-time. (http://personalmba.com/building-a-business-that-supports-your-life/ http://personalmba.com/building-a-business-that-supports-you...) Derek's post reminded me why I don't spend more time building my business. Some things are worth more than money.
- rglover 15y agoI've nowhere near completed the life that Derek had (I'm only 23), but his "last post" has really inspired me to pay more attention to life, those around me, and what is truly important. This was a really thought provoking post. Take the time to read it, the lessons he teaches are invaluable.
- khafra 15y agoThere's nothing here that couldn't have been done before the Internet; but the instant ubiquity of such well-written final words seems to increase the emotional immediacy of it, for me. I was taken aback.
- jradakov 15y agoSo sad. This made me even more grateful for the life that I have. The transient nature of life is difficult to come to grips with. I wish Derek's family well.
- awfycooper 15y agoThe points he touches upon about things he will now never get to see has haunted me since a very early age personally. It was scary to think that the man who wrote these words which I have worried about for years has now passed away and won't get the opportunity to see what happens in 2061. The final paragraph is the kicker and has my eyes watering up, I hope his family all the best and hopefully we'll see his two daughters do something just as great as Derek has done online!
- awfycooper 15y agoJust to explain just how much this concept of missing out on the future has affected me, read here; http://gre.gs/post/958258554/time http://gre.gs/post/958258554/time
- golgo13 15y agoI wear a Halo UNSC hoodie around and people always ask what it stands for, or what branch of the military I am a part of. I tell them it stands for the United Nations Space Command and it won't exist for another 150 years. And it really bothers me that I have absolutely 0% chance of seeing the year 2160.
- Confusion 15y agoAnd it really bothers me that I have absolutely 0% chance of seeing the year 2160. With exponentially advancing science and all that, I'm envisioning nanobots killing cancer cells, cleaning out blood vessels, keeping my neurons connected and renewing everything that needs renewing. Don't be too sure you won't see 2160.
- wewyor 15y agoCache (since it seems to be down now): http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://www.penmachine.com/2011/05/the-last-post http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://...
- AndrewJG 15y agoCan't even get to the cache.
- JacobAldridge 15y agoTry text only http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://www.penmachine.com/2011/05/the-last-post&hl=en&strip=1 http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://...
- kristofferR 15y agoI still had the page open in a tab, so I took a screengrab of the whole page for those who want the original formatting http://kristofferR.com/files/lastpost.png http://kristofferR.com/files/lastpost.png
- anydot 15y agoCurrently looks overloaded, here it's text of hist last posts saved on pastebin: http://pastebin.ca/2053916 http://pastebin.ca/2053916
- AndrewJG 15y agoIt is totally overloaded, thanks for putting this here. So sad...
- kristofferR 15y agoI still had the page open in a tab, so I took a screengrab of the whole page for those who want the original formatting http://kristofferR.com/files/lastpost.png http://kristofferR.com/files/lastpost.png
- logjam 15y agoThanks for posting this...so moving. The strangers around us, even those we brush against on the web, are all fighting hard battles at some level. Compassion in the midst of our sometimes misguided inclination toward competition can keep us human, and sane.
- Maro 15y agoI can't read this, it's too moving. Maybe in parts.
- thomasdavis 15y agoHow much of a tear jerker was the last sentence? "I loved you deeply, I loved you, I loved you, I loved you."
- djit 15y agoThx for the link, this was a very emotional read.
- Cherian_Abraham 15y agoI take my life for granted. I take the adoration my two year old son has of me, for granted. I take my wife's love and caring for granted. I do all this, thinking that what I build today will provide a better future for all of us. And I could be wrong. I could shut my laptop when he squirms his way between me and the desk and wiggles his way on to my lap. I could switch my context when my wife sits down next to me aching for a conversation. I could spend more time with both of them. I can pretty much be sure when I say I will not be the next Zuckerberg. There are many things that vy for my attention throughout the day and night. But there is only one thing both of them needs and which I squander. I do not want to look back and regret. I am going home right now and I am going to kiss my wife and hug my kid. Ciao.
- csexton 15y agoThank you for writing this. It pretty much nails it. I need to print this and tape it to the wall next to my desk.
- marcamillion 15y agoA more profound comment I could not have written. It is amazing how much this rings true for me. I keep saying, once I launch....once I get X number of paid users...once I am doing $X/month in revenue....once I reach profitability...but this post and comment reminded me...I can no longer take today/tomorrow for granted. This is one of the reasons why I used to force myself to take the night-shift to feed my 6 month old daughter, but then I gave that up in an effort to launch. I have to get my priorities back in order though. I have to become more ruthless with my time and the time of my loved ones. When I am not working, I need to be spending more time with them. I wish it weren't a struggle and there was some easy switch....until then, I have to keep being reminded by these types of posts...I guess.
- geekzgalore 15y agoAn excellent summary of a very moving post.
- kno 15y agoAs a kid I spent a lot of time wandering around a cemetery near my grand parent’s house, I read tombstones of folks, some of them younger than I was; That somehow numb my fear of death as I considered each day alive as a gift. Now as a father I fear death not because of actually leaving this world but dying before my kids are old enough to take care of themselves. I see Derek had the same fear and that must have been devastating for him, so sad. I pray and wish his daughters and wife well.
- deleted 15y ago[deleted]
- bengl3rt 15y agoI listened to Inside Home Recording (podcast he co-hosted) for many years and even had the pleasure of emailing/IMing with Derek from time to time about this or that. His writing on Penmachine was always very intelligent but also deeply honest, and human. This doesn't come as a surprise - his battle with cancer was well known - but it still comes as a shock. Rest in peace, dude.
- jh3 15y agoI'm trying very hard not to cry in front of my coworkers right now. A very emotional, great read. Unfortunate circumstances. Condolences to his family. :(
- yason 15y agoI often think that some people die "before their time" so that other people receive a unique, golden opportunity to learn to reprioritize their life. Thanks for that, Derek, again. (Didn't know you before.) And yet it's real difficult to make good use of that opportunity; we people are so stubborn that we rarely change for the better of ourselves or for other people even if somebody goes lengths and dies to remind us that we won't be here forever. Even worse, it might take a whole row of people dropping dead until we manage to corner ourselves into a position where we can no longer give ourselves a choice to postpone any necessary changes in our lives. But that's how it works, so can't complain. I'm nearing that point myself, currently. It haunts me, all the time closer and closer. I can go only so far this way anymore until I have to take that other road and start living a bit differently: start living a life that is completely mine and not partially borrowed from anyone else. I'm not there yet. Maybe I need to bump into a few more deaths before I get zapped into alignment with all things relevant. I can just anticipate now, and that makes me both scared and thrilled.
- F_J_H 15y agoI've posted this a few times now, but always feel it is worth posting again when I read these types of blog postings and see the comments they inspire. It has been attributed to Jorge Luis Borges, but many disagree with that. At any rate, it inspires me... "Instantes" If I were able to live my life anew, in the next I would try to commit more errors. I would not try to be so perfect, I would relax more. I would be more foolish than I've been, In fact, I would take few things seriously. I would be less hygienic. I would run more risks, take more vacations, contemplate more sunsets, climb more mountains, swim more rivers. I would go to more places where I've never been, I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans, I would have more real problems and less imaginary ones. I was one of those people that lived sensibly and prolifically each minute of his life; Of course I had moments of happiness. If I could go back I would try to have only good moments. Because if you didn't know, of that is life made: only of moments; Don't lose the now. I was one of those that never went anywhere without a thermometer, a hot-water bottle, an umbrella, and a parachute; If I could live again, I would travel lighter. If I could live again, I would begin to walk barefoot from the beginning of spring and I would continue barefoot until autumn ends. I would take more cart rides, contemplate more dawns, and play with more children, If I had another life ahead of me. But already you see, I am 85, and I know that I am dying.
- hernan7 15y ago100% not Borges. The story of this particular poem is kind of weird... it basically wrote itself. http://www.reelyredd.com/instantes-pick-more-daisies-who-wrote-what.htm http://www.reelyredd.com/instantes-pick-more-daisies-who-wro... The original version was a (prose) piece published in Reader's Digest in the '50s. Then people started changing it here and there, and it coalesced into the "Instantes" we all know and love/love to hate. As opposed to "Instantes" Borges' writings are notoriously devoid of pathos. He even said he regretted writing his famous sonnet "I have committed the greatest sin/ that a man can commit. I haven't been happy" when overcome by grief over the death of his mother.
- BasDirks 15y agoI'm gonna make tomorrow my best day ever.
- foenix 15y agoWhy not today? Why not now? I had the exact same feeling when my friend died in a car wreck. The trick to living life to its fullest is to tease out the beauty in every moment.
- BasDirks 15y agoIt was for quite practical reasons: at the time I posted above comment I was about to go to bed :D I had a really good day by the way.
- willidiots 15y agoSuddenly, none of my problems matter.
- andywood 15y agoThis post has me wondering about the health of my figurative soul. Not because it didn't move me - it did. The last sentence definitely brought tears to my eyes when I first read it, and then again when I thought of it again. No, the reason it has me worried is because although I have people I care about, I don't think I love anybody so much that I'd rather spend time with them than work/learn/create things. When I think about starting a family, I worry about how much I'll regret not being able to devote my full energy to building intellectual edifices out of math, bits, and music. But I see most people here saying the opposite. I'm trying to tell myself that this is only because I don't have kids. Surely, if I had kids, my whole perspective would change, and I'd become a more complete human being, right?
- InfinityX0 15y agoI feel the same way. The weird thing to me (observing from a distance), is that having kids is in a way, a projection of those things you're already doing, just in a physical form. But I don't have kids, so I don't know for sure, that's just what it seems to be - projection of ego that can capture your attention, instead, because it seems like a bigger thing to "build" than some webapp.
- andywood 15y agoYes, when I've discussed this with people I've often referred to the things I create as "my version of kids" or "my idea of a legacy". I never thought of it in terms of projection of ego, but that seems spot on.
- ams6110 15y agoExcept you don't "build" a kid, and they don't turn out the way you expect they will before you have them. I've found that their interests, passions, and abilities seem to have little to do with what I'd like them to be, and are mostly either innate or governed by mechanisms I don't understand. I have three kids and they are all quite distinct individuals despite being raised in basically the same environment by the same parents.
- 15y ago
- mrbill 15y agoMy wife passed away unexpectedly at the age of 34 two years ago. The last line of Derek's post made me lose it, sitting here in my office at work.
- spottiness 15y agoI was about to cry but didn't happen. I've been in this position before and I've had tears rolling down. But not this time. I have learned and I know that it's not as simple as taking things for granted or not. Those that are running to their wives and kids right now are just emotionally hijacked by the rush of whatever neurotransmitter is triggered in this situations. Tomorrow it will be different and a week from now even more. And that's OK. Life goes on and we have to explore other things, pursue new goals; and if we're wise enough, we'll find a way to find peace within ourselves.
- hobbes 15y agoWhat a desolate, barren worldview materialism is! In your view, wisdom is an illusion. So is peace. Are not these just specific neurotransmitter configurations? Nothing more. The only 'wisdom' that makes sense according to materialism is: "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die!" The only peace that can be gained from materialism is not acceptance of, but numbness to, the absolute vanity of existence and the absence of anything that transcends the merely physical. I love my wife and kids.
- spottiness 15y agoI believe that the mind is a product of the brain and so are emotions. I believe in evolution, and our very old brain evolved to help us survive in very different circumstances than we have today. Unfortunately, surviving has nothing to do with feeling happy, and some of the strategies hardwired in our brains to help us survive, actually makes us suffer; makes us sad. The mind, on the other hand, rewires the brain all the time. The ultimate goal in life is to be happy. Whatever we do, ultimately we do it for our happiness. Wise is he who finds mechanisms to rewire the brain such that "it" enjoys what the world is showing, such that it finds tranquility and remain equanimous. I'm glad that you love your family. Guess what: I love mine too and I'm trying to love yours too, because we're not that different. And yes, we live in an illusion, fabricated by our brains. But, regardless of what reality really is, what we feel is what matters. Your love for your family is what matters. Your happiness is what matters, to you. And if you don't believe that we live in an illusion, take a look at this image: http://web.mit.edu/persci/people/adelson/checkershadow_illusion.html http://web.mit.edu/persci/people/adelson/checkershadow_illus...
- mattdeboard 15y agoThis post made me glad I'm living the life I'm living now. I'm 31 years old -- 32 in a month -- and while my daughter is at school, I spend the day programming, running errands, reading, chatting with RL friends via IRC, playing video games, browsing Reddit and HN. When she gets home, I make sure she does her homework, I make dinner, I sleep. Every morning I get to wake up next to a beautiful, brilliant girl who's several years my junior but emotionally more mature than me. I have never felt better about another person in my life. I have no bills, I maintain a modest lifestyle and am attending university for a degree in a subject matter that simultaneously I love and will make me some extra money down the road when I need it. Every day, I set my own schedule, fitted around picking up & dropping off my daughter at school. Beyond the normal stresses of being a single parent, my life is astoundingly, remarkably, wonderfully, joyously stress-free. For the first time in my life. Reading Derek's post has affirmed the decisions I've made to put me in this position. I regret nothing, and just about every day is awesome. If you've read this far, please don't take this as shameless bragging. It is a sincere expression of gratitude to Derek, and a grinning shout of relief at the sky that I have let so many unnecessary, trivial things fall away from my life over the past few years.
- ams6110 15y agoYou know, this is going to sound callous, but everybody dies. Any one of us could be killed in an accident tomorrow. All this "live without regrets" is just flatly impossible, and a waste of time to sit and worry about. Every choice has opportunity costs. I can't believe that anyone gets through life not wishing he could take back some decisions he made, but even if this were possible, those changes would have their own unintended consequences. You are who you are. You love what you love. The world isn't perfect. Don't sit and think your priorities are "wrong" all the time.
- pyre 15y agoI think a lot of the people that feel that their 'priorities are wrong' are people that think that X is important but keep procrastinating X because "I'll have time later." Things like this point out to them that maybe they won't have time later. Also, all regrets are not created equal. You may regret that you didn't go for some hot girl you had a crush on in HS, but you probably wouldn't regret that as much as ignoring people that you care about because you had tunnel-vision on a task that doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things.
- gonzo 15y agoIt can be worse than "you could be killed in an accident tomorrow". In Aug 2009 I survived an ascending aortic dissection. Chance of survival 1-2 in 10. I still remember my time in the ER, looking at my wife of (then nearly) 20 years, having left my son (then 12) on a Scout campout hours previously, wondering if I'd done it right. What do you say at a time like that? "Goodbye?" "I'm sorry?" Waking up afterwords (11 hours of open heart surgery early Sat morning, woke-up late Sunday afternoon) was really sweet, even though it hurt like hell.
- dr_ 15y agoI hope this reminds people, especially in light of recent news, that cancer kills far more people in this country than terrorism ever has or will. We must do what we have to to keep our nation safe and secure, without doubt, but if we could spend this amount of money towards medical research and stop politicizing it, we could achieve wonders.
- katie_g 15y agoThank you. Well stated.
- rooshdi 15y agoThank you for sharing this. His life has now touched us all..
- marquis 15y agoI knew Derek briefly on a professional level and knew he had cancer but we lost touch. Seeing his post here was how I learned he passed, he'd be honoured to know so many people care and that his words will live beyond him.
- da_coke_chef 15y agothis is the hacker version of bambi. which isn't necessarily a "bad thing." it will be interesting to see how the "writing blogs from beyond the grave" niche of editorial programming will evolve over the next five to ten years. how many of you have "death cron jobs," a set of programs that go off in the event of your death?
- zavulon 15y agoWhile this was a beautiful and very moving post, I disagree with this: > I haven't gone to a better place, or a worse one. I haven't gone anyplace, because Derek doesn't exist anymore. As soon as my body stopped functioning, and the neurons in my brain ceased firing, I made a remarkable transformation: from a living organism to a corpse, like a flower or a mouse that didn't make it through a particularly frosty night. The evidence is clear that once I died, it was over. With all due respect to Derek, and it's remarkable he was standing by his beliefs until the very end, he has no way of knowing that's what happened.
- thebooktocome 15y agoAnd neither do you.
- lux 15y agoI worked with Derek on a few websites years ago, and though I've never met him in person (we lived in different parts of the country), he made a definite impression on me as a genuinely good and thoughtful person. Funny how some people just stand out in your memory, even after years have passed. My heart goes out to his family and friends right now. He will be missed by many of us.