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I started reading this article really really wanting to agree, but ended up thinking that a large part of the problem here is that the parent is not making enou

by johnfn 6y ago

I started reading this article really really wanting to agree, but ended up thinking that a large part of the problem here is that the parent is not making enough effort to understand her child. The parent says "my daughter was a creative genius, and then..." as if to imply that she isn't any more. But it sure sounds like she has creative pursuits to me: * "She wants Roblox. All the kids have it, and it seems harmless enough. She’s building her dream house" This sounds like a creative pursuit to me. * "She wants to talk with her friends. I don’t see any harm in FaceTime." She's talking with her friends. * "She says she wants to do a TikTok while we’re in the “aesthetic” woods" She's creating TikToks! How cool is that, and how creative! Again we see she's not a passive consumer, she's still a creator - it's just that the medium has changed. The real problem here is that the daughter used to pursue creative activities that the parent approved of (sewing, drawing). Now she does creative activities that the parent does not approve of or understand. The parent should bridge the gap by trying to understand the things their daughter spends time on. Instead they lambast them from a distance! It's such a shame to me that the article ends with a note about how the parent will try to convince themselves that creating tiktok videos is creative. What?!? Creating videos isn't creative?? Of course it is! You should be encouraging and reveling in this sort of behavior! I guess it particularly rankles because my parents did the exact same thing when I was young - they constantly tried to get me to stop using the computer. They never took the time to understand that I was using it creatively - I was coding games, writing books and poetry, learning python, modding warcraft 3. But of course they never saw the creativity in modding warcraft. "Oh, he's playing video games again..." P.S. and as I suggested, I do agree with the premise - phones definitely can destroy creativity, they definitely are addictive, they definitely shouldn't be given to kids... These are critical problems, well worth addressing and being worried about. But if I had to choose a single thing that was even more important, it would be fostering understanding relationships between parent and child.

35fbe7d3d5b9 6y ago
> It's such a shame to me that the article ends with a note about how the parent will try to convince themselves that creating tiktok videos is creative. What?!? Creating videos isn't creative?? Of course it is! You should be encouraging and reveling in this sort of behavior! My seven year old runs around with my old iPhone 5. We've locked it down to essentially be nothing more than a camera, but she'll still make videos for her whole screen time allotment for the day. I used to wonder if this was a "good" use of her time. Then she discovered iMovie and now edits videos, adds transitions and music, makes her little sister an actor in movies... and I remembered when my parents worried about me spending hours in QBasic making little sine-wave art with music playing in the background.
- retube 6y ago
  Hi - how did you lock down your kids iPhone? Am more of an android man but will be getting a refurbed iPhone 7 for my daughter (apparently they are "better" than Samsung)
  - mixedCase 6y ago
    You sure you don't want to give them a fallible sandbox they could reason their way out of?
    - RandallBrown 6y ago
      One of my coworkers did that with his son. He had his carrier's tracking app installed on his son's phone so he could see where he was. The son figured out how to disable it. So he wrote an android service that'll send him the location whenever he needs it and installed it on the phone. His son doesn't know about it... yet. He fully understands this is an "arms race" of sorts and I think he feels like if his son is smart enough to outsmart his dad, he's probably smart enough to handle himself with a little less supervision. (I think the kid was in about 8th grade at the time.)
  - marceldegraaf 6y ago
    Not OP, but I do this too. You can configure Screen Time on an iPhone. There you can limit the total time the device can be used each day. It's also possible to limit usage to certain apps, or block access to certain categories of apps, and allowing only certain people (e.g. family members) to be contacted or messaged. If your child has their own Apple ID, Screen Time works across any other Apple devices linked to that Apple ID.
    - 35fbe7d3d5b9 6y ago
      Exactly this. It's extremely effective, as Apple gives you a ton of constraints you can set: https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT201304 https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT201304 In my case, we've turned off all web access, have certain educational games available for a limited amount of time, and only allow outbound texts to grandma. It's extremely robust – most of the hacks I've read about (or heard from parents with older children!) involve trying to record the screen while you type in the unlock code to change a restriction. Physical attacks are also popular: shoulder surfing is a given, but one coworker said their kid put a tiny layer of hand lotion over the screen to capture where they touched and then attack the code. Clever.
jelliclesfarm 6y ago
is it just me or did the article come across as humble brag? her other articles: https://stephaniegrunerbuckley.medium.com/ https://stephaniegrunerbuckley.medium.com/ writes for Modern Parent: https://medium.com/modern-parent/i-used-to-be-cool-now-i-embarrass-my-kid-ea1509b68ef0 https://medium.com/modern-parent/i-used-to-be-cool-now-i-emb... https://medium.com/modern-parent/my-kid-is-an-asshole-how-do-i-teach-him-to-be-a-better-person https://medium.com/modern-parent/my-kid-is-an-asshole-how-do... she is just using her family as muse for writing fodder. pay no mind.

by johnfn 6y ago

35fbe7d3d5b9 6y ago

> It's such a shame to me that the article ends with a note about how the parent will try to convince themselves that creating tiktok videos is creative. What?!? Creating videos isn't creative?? Of course it is! You should be encouraging and reveling in this sort of behavior! My seven year old runs around with my old iPhone 5. We've locked it down to essentially be nothing more than a camera, but she'll still make videos for her whole screen time allotment for the day. I used to wonder if this was a "good" use of her time. Then she discovered iMovie and now edits videos, adds transitions and music, makes her little sister an actor in movies... and I remembered when my parents worried about me spending hours in QBasic making little sine-wave art with music playing in the background.

retube 6y ago
Hi - how did you lock down your kids iPhone? Am more of an android man but will be getting a refurbed iPhone 7 for my daughter (apparently they are "better" than Samsung)
- mixedCase 6y ago
  You sure you don't want to give them a fallible sandbox they could reason their way out of?
  - RandallBrown 6y ago
    One of my coworkers did that with his son. He had his carrier's tracking app installed on his son's phone so he could see where he was. The son figured out how to disable it. So he wrote an android service that'll send him the location whenever he needs it and installed it on the phone. His son doesn't know about it... yet. He fully understands this is an "arms race" of sorts and I think he feels like if his son is smart enough to outsmart his dad, he's probably smart enough to handle himself with a little less supervision. (I think the kid was in about 8th grade at the time.)
- marceldegraaf 6y ago
  Not OP, but I do this too. You can configure Screen Time on an iPhone. There you can limit the total time the device can be used each day. It's also possible to limit usage to certain apps, or block access to certain categories of apps, and allowing only certain people (e.g. family members) to be contacted or messaged. If your child has their own Apple ID, Screen Time works across any other Apple devices linked to that Apple ID.
  - 35fbe7d3d5b9 6y ago
    Exactly this. It's extremely effective, as Apple gives you a ton of constraints you can set: https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT201304 https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT201304 In my case, we've turned off all web access, have certain educational games available for a limited amount of time, and only allow outbound texts to grandma. It's extremely robust – most of the hacks I've read about (or heard from parents with older children!) involve trying to record the screen while you type in the unlock code to change a restriction. Physical attacks are also popular: shoulder surfing is a given, but one coworker said their kid put a tiny layer of hand lotion over the screen to capture where they touched and then attack the code. Clever.

jelliclesfarm 6y ago

is it just me or did the article come across as humble brag? her other articles: https://stephaniegrunerbuckley.medium.com/ https://stephaniegrunerbuckley.medium.com/ writes for Modern Parent: https://medium.com/modern-parent/i-used-to-be-cool-now-i-embarrass-my-kid-ea1509b68ef0 https://medium.com/modern-parent/i-used-to-be-cool-now-i-emb... https://medium.com/modern-parent/my-kid-is-an-asshole-how-do-i-teach-him-to-be-a-better-person https://medium.com/modern-parent/my-kid-is-an-asshole-how-do... she is just using her family as muse for writing fodder. pay no mind.