Posting on a throwaway for reasons. I take anti-depressants so yes, however, recently I'm not sure how effective they have been, or even if what I am feeling c

Posting on a throwaway for reasons. I take anti-depressants so yes, however, recently I'm not sure how effective they have been, or even if what I am feeling constitutes being depressed. I find myself constantly oscilating between apathy, loneliness and irrational anger. I've never been a person who really has "friends" so to speak, I have acquaintances and family, I'm close with family but beyond that I don't have anyone I talk to outside of performing my job. It's not like I don't want people to talk to, but I find myself unsure of whether I can't or won't try to connect with others. More often than not nowadays, I'll get the idea to watch a movie or read a book or just do something, and the idea excites me a little bit, right up until I get to the point where I need to actually do it, and then I just have this crushing moment where I cannot move passed the thoughts "I can't be bothered" or "what's the point?" To the point where I'll just scroll through youtube, looking at everything and have no motivation to watch anything. Anger is the one that most confuses me, because I am fully conscious of the fact that it is completely irrational, but its still there. It's always things like people driving too slowly or inadvertently getting in my way at the supermarket, or things like a news article. The big one I've found is social media, I look on social media and see everyone looking happy and successful or even just saying something that I disagree with. But, whatever it is, it just makes me so mad. I’m not really sure what to do, I know I should probably get help, but every time I think about that I keep thinking about how I’ve tried getting help before and here I am, still unhappy, and to top it off, getting worse.