I was mildly depressed for about 8 months, I self-diagnosed. I think I'm actually out of it. I once read a HN comment that depression is that your mental model

I was mildly depressed for about 8 months, I self-diagnosed. I think I'm actually out of it. I once read a HN comment that depression is that your mental model of how you think the world works is severly different to how it actually works. For me, that description was a lot better than anything I've heard in my psychology classes [1]. That's why I got a mild depression, my view of the world was not suited for the switch from fresh EU grad to working person (long story short: no FAANG interviews, and the one that I did clear at an SF startup later said "not enough experience, good problem solving skills though"). So I got a lot of jealousy/envy to my American counter parts when looking for a job. Combine that with not finding a job for 12 months, because of FAANG expectations (I just wanted a shot, never got one at FAANG, it used to feel really painful as I worked 8 years to get all qualifications -- CS bachelor/master, TA stuff, professional software dev stuff -- but now I'm fine with it). It weighed me down. Some people on HN offered referrals, but I always doubted on cashing them in, because I want to feel super certain, which I never do. Ironically, I got a job during COVID (May 2020). The job offer was a mediocre one, but a job is a job, especially after a 12 month search. My contract didn't get extended though (I was offered a demotion to a junior role, I didn't take it, IMO I'm not a culture fit), but it doesn't matter. The job gave me perspective, it pulled me out of my mild depression (along with some self-applied CBT, meditation, identifying my cognitive distortions, etc.). I have an amazing runway, so I'm probably going to do a lot of side projects. I've always wanted to do it and it's hard to give yourself permission for it, because the risk is insane. Or at least, that's how it feels now. Survivorship bias, or lack of it, will tell whether it was insane ;-) I'm not cut out to be an employee. I'm too interdisciplinary and want to stay that way (otherwise I'm going to have some psychological/emotional issues). I might be an amazing early employee fit for certain companies, but Dutch startups aren't really that entrepreneurial. Which is another part how my mental model doesn't fit the real world. As a Dutchie, I'm too Americanized while not being an American citizen. And I'm noticing some strong psychological issues (and benefits) with that. So yea, this story goes to show that in my case it was a mix of having a wrong view of the world, checking expectations and learning to not compare myself to others as that gave me chronic stress. I hope it helps someone. If you identify with it and want to talk about your situation, feel free to email me.