10 ms·

I was miserable before it was cool. Before the pandemic, I had a development job in the neighboring city. I'd take a 2 hour commute each way, and when I got ho

I was miserable before it was cool. Before the pandemic, I had a development job in the neighboring city. I'd take a 2 hour commute each way, and when I got home, I'd immediately collapse, sleep, wake up, and head right back to work. I didn't check my phone, my voicemail, my email, or call anyone. Just sleep. I rarely ate. I listened to a lot of death metal during that time. The pandemic hit, and I lost my job, then my apartment. I moved into an apartment with my elderly mother with dementia. I still do some contract work for the old company, but I struggle with the bare minimum required to keep my old boss happy. Working at home is a fucking nightmare. The loss of my decent paying job hosed my bankruptcy eligibility, so now I get to keep drowning in debt I have no means to pay off, while I try to find a way to get things back to normal. Yeah, like many others here, I usually wish I could just die already. Sadly there are people who would be devastated if I departed. So, here I sit.

hnracer 6y ago
Sorry to hear this. I've heard that one of the small numbers of things that causes chronic unhappiness is long commute according to research
- andersonmvd 6y ago
  It's also about how you use your commute. For a 2 hour commute I was listening to audiobooks or studying with some app. Not unhappy for me, but it's true that sometimes it's better to have another choice, e.g., sleep instead.
flightless 6y ago
Favorite death metal bands?
- Subsentient 6y ago
  Swallow the Sun, Be'lakor, Draconian, Dark Tranquillity, Insomnium, Evocation. I'm big into melodic death metal. This single, 30 minute song was my soundtrack for the commute right before the pandemic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvIoVj9RdgQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvIoVj9RdgQ Lately, I've been listening to Under a Godless Veil by Draconian, it just came out on Oct 30th. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2lGs75svWhlB0B7SS4Ke4xdaGipLrLct https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2lGs75svWhlB0B7SS4Ke...
  - throwaway8451 6y ago
    I used to listen to lots of metal (In Flames, Iced Earth, Dimmu Borgir, also things like Hypocrisy, Pain (Peter Tägtgren) or Paradise Lost, plus good old stuff like Maiden) and sadly it felt like it had quite an effect on my mood. It matched my mood, sure but it wasn't helpful. For years. Now - don't laugh! - I am listening to 80s synthwave compilations on Youtube all day long. 80s synthwave! - I can't think of any other music genre that sounds more lighthearted and unworried and it really helps to brighten my mood. The effect is enormous. Other things I currently do to keep my sanity is lots of walking. The effect of physical excercise on me is pretty great but I really need to get the heart pumping and to sweat. This is as easy as putting on too many layers of cloths for the temperature/activity and a few inclines/hills also helps. Being out in the sun (if the schedule makes it possible) and at the fresh air also improves my mood. Walking through a forest also soothes my mind. Also: walking faster than I normally would helps because I need to concentrate to walk faster than I normally would - which means I can't think of anything else i.e. it is actually keeping my mind free of other (sometimes negative) thoughts. Neither of this actually solves your problems of course but it might help to cope with some of their effects and put you mentally in a spot where you can better reason about solutions. Let me know if there is anything you want to talk about and all the best!
    - sgt 6y ago
      Synthwave is actually fairly close musically to demoscene music. Try listening to Scenestream / Nectarine and tell me what you think. I find it pretty nice as work-music.
      - throwaway8451 6y ago
        Thanks for the suggestion, I will check it out.
petargyurov 6y ago
> I'd take a 2 hour commute each way I used to have a job like this. I dreaded waking up each day. I would consider losing this job a blessing in disguise. I know that doesn't help right now but remember that things can always get better. Some things that would make an immediate impact: - spend more time outside (go for walks) - exercise - socialise (it's hard right now, but speaking to a person IRL is a vital part to what makes us human) - write things down - tidy up your room/house - get into a routine incorporating all of the above If you need to chat, you can email me.
- bywaterstreet 6y ago
  I used to do a commute of around 1.5 hours each way, every day, for years. This was justified by my (at the time) reasonable salary, and all the self-reflection and podcast listening I could do. This was foolish in hindsight (speaking personally of course, I have no doubt that some people enjoy their commute). I didn't appreciate this was 3 hours, every day, of the prime years of my life. I will never get that time back. And what's more is that I didn't factor this into my salary justification. I saw salary as compensation for my hours _in_ work: this is wrong. It's also your time getting there. That's the comparison you should make, which may make that local job more appealing.
0xy 6y ago
I don't mean to attack you, but why wouldn't you just move closer? Your weekly commute time multiplied by your hourly salary is likely significantly more than the increased rent, no matter where you lived. I've never understood why people make those choices.
- Subsentient 6y ago
  Two reasons. One, I had to stay near to my elderly mother to help her every few days. Two, if it were merely increased rent, that would be tolerable, but the cost of the act of moving, along with deposits and fees, would be impossible.
- bosie 6y ago
  because moving closer doesn't increase the salary but costs more (under teh assumption the rent costs more)? Also, not everybody wants to move every year or two...
- np- 6y ago
  Not the original poster, but plenty of people have higher priority obligations in life outside of their job that would make it impossible to move. Family, health, etc. I'm not trying to personally attack you either, but one trend I have noticed on HN is many comments acting like everybody is an unencumbered 25-year old American CS grad for whom the world is their oyster, and not quite "understanding" that others might be stuck in the real world due to circumstances not quite of their own choosing. A lot of which leads to innocent comments like yours pushing readers further into despair and less likely to ask for help.
- pmiller2 6y ago
  Those types of choices are not often made for money-based reasons.
delusional 6y ago
I couldn't imagine living your life man. You must be a really strong person. I hope you turn it around.
- Subsentient 6y ago
  On the contrary. I'm a ball of melted down, gibbering insanity. And, the people who parrot "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" have clearly never met a quadriplegic. :^)

hnracer 6y ago

Sorry to hear this. I've heard that one of the small numbers of things that causes chronic unhappiness is long commute according to research

andersonmvd 6y ago
It's also about how you use your commute. For a 2 hour commute I was listening to audiobooks or studying with some app. Not unhappy for me, but it's true that sometimes it's better to have another choice, e.g., sleep instead.

flightless 6y ago

Favorite death metal bands?

Subsentient 6y ago
Swallow the Sun, Be'lakor, Draconian, Dark Tranquillity, Insomnium, Evocation. I'm big into melodic death metal. This single, 30 minute song was my soundtrack for the commute right before the pandemic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvIoVj9RdgQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvIoVj9RdgQ Lately, I've been listening to Under a Godless Veil by Draconian, it just came out on Oct 30th. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2lGs75svWhlB0B7SS4Ke4xdaGipLrLct https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2lGs75svWhlB0B7SS4Ke...
- throwaway8451 6y ago
  I used to listen to lots of metal (In Flames, Iced Earth, Dimmu Borgir, also things like Hypocrisy, Pain (Peter Tägtgren) or Paradise Lost, plus good old stuff like Maiden) and sadly it felt like it had quite an effect on my mood. It matched my mood, sure but it wasn't helpful. For years. Now - don't laugh! - I am listening to 80s synthwave compilations on Youtube all day long. 80s synthwave! - I can't think of any other music genre that sounds more lighthearted and unworried and it really helps to brighten my mood. The effect is enormous. Other things I currently do to keep my sanity is lots of walking. The effect of physical excercise on me is pretty great but I really need to get the heart pumping and to sweat. This is as easy as putting on too many layers of cloths for the temperature/activity and a few inclines/hills also helps. Being out in the sun (if the schedule makes it possible) and at the fresh air also improves my mood. Walking through a forest also soothes my mind. Also: walking faster than I normally would helps because I need to concentrate to walk faster than I normally would - which means I can't think of anything else i.e. it is actually keeping my mind free of other (sometimes negative) thoughts. Neither of this actually solves your problems of course but it might help to cope with some of their effects and put you mentally in a spot where you can better reason about solutions. Let me know if there is anything you want to talk about and all the best!
  - sgt 6y ago
    Synthwave is actually fairly close musically to demoscene music. Try listening to Scenestream / Nectarine and tell me what you think. I find it pretty nice as work-music.
    - throwaway8451 6y ago
      Thanks for the suggestion, I will check it out.

petargyurov 6y ago

> I'd take a 2 hour commute each way I used to have a job like this. I dreaded waking up each day. I would consider losing this job a blessing in disguise. I know that doesn't help right now but remember that things can always get better. Some things that would make an immediate impact: - spend more time outside (go for walks) - exercise - socialise (it's hard right now, but speaking to a person IRL is a vital part to what makes us human) - write things down - tidy up your room/house - get into a routine incorporating all of the above If you need to chat, you can email me.

bywaterstreet 6y ago
I used to do a commute of around 1.5 hours each way, every day, for years. This was justified by my (at the time) reasonable salary, and all the self-reflection and podcast listening I could do. This was foolish in hindsight (speaking personally of course, I have no doubt that some people enjoy their commute). I didn't appreciate this was 3 hours, every day, of the prime years of my life. I will never get that time back. And what's more is that I didn't factor this into my salary justification. I saw salary as compensation for my hours _in_ work: this is wrong. It's also your time getting there. That's the comparison you should make, which may make that local job more appealing.

0xy 6y ago

I don't mean to attack you, but why wouldn't you just move closer? Your weekly commute time multiplied by your hourly salary is likely significantly more than the increased rent, no matter where you lived. I've never understood why people make those choices.

Subsentient 6y ago
Two reasons. One, I had to stay near to my elderly mother to help her every few days. Two, if it were merely increased rent, that would be tolerable, but the cost of the act of moving, along with deposits and fees, would be impossible.
bosie 6y ago
because moving closer doesn't increase the salary but costs more (under teh assumption the rent costs more)? Also, not everybody wants to move every year or two...
np- 6y ago
Not the original poster, but plenty of people have higher priority obligations in life outside of their job that would make it impossible to move. Family, health, etc. I'm not trying to personally attack you either, but one trend I have noticed on HN is many comments acting like everybody is an unencumbered 25-year old American CS grad for whom the world is their oyster, and not quite "understanding" that others might be stuck in the real world due to circumstances not quite of their own choosing. A lot of which leads to innocent comments like yours pushing readers further into despair and less likely to ask for help.
pmiller2 6y ago
Those types of choices are not often made for money-based reasons.

delusional 6y ago

I couldn't imagine living your life man. You must be a really strong person. I hope you turn it around.

Subsentient 6y ago
On the contrary. I'm a ball of melted down, gibbering insanity. And, the people who parrot "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" have clearly never met a quadriplegic. :^)