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I don't felt the need to see a doctor about what I'm experiencing, so I'm not sure if what I have qualifies as depression. But over the past several months, it

I don't felt the need to see a doctor about what I'm experiencing, so I'm not sure if what I have qualifies as depression. But over the past several months, it feels like my entire personality and being is a rug that has been pulled out from underneath me. I'm no longer the driven and interested person that I used to be. I struggle to sit down and work - my brain feels scattered and no matter how much I sleep and rest, I feel so tired that my body literally aches. The only thing I really feel is a subtle sadness, like a background hum that feels like it's dragging me down. It also feels like it's never going to go away. So is that depression? I have no idea, but I hate the feeling and I pray that once this pandemic is over, the symptoms will fade.

tspike 6y ago
Yep, that's exactly what depression is like.
cjbprime 6y ago
I think it's a good idea to see a doctor/therapist any time something changes in a way that interferes with your ability to be functional in daily life, for more than a brief amount of time. It sounds like that's the case for you.
eyelidlessness 6y ago
That is exactly what depression feels like. It’s okay if you feel like you can navigate it without help. But if you feel like you would benefit from help but don’t know how/where to start, there are people and resources available to help you get there. Don’t let it get so bad that it’s an emergency before you’re ready to ask.
throwaway1777 6y ago
The good news is if you never had it in the past there’s a chance it may go away and not come back. Everyone goes through rough spots and this has been a weird year. Depression is a serious thing though, so don’t feel any shame in asking a professional about it.
proverbialbunny 6y ago
>So is that depression? Yep, but the cause in your case is unknown. For example, it could be work burnout causing it. It could be not going outside that is causing it. It could be not socializing that is causing it. It could be your diet. It could be ... If you can identify the cause you can find a solution. Unfortunately, the best most people have is a shotgun approach where they try a combination of solutions attempting to address every possible cause. When in a depressed state it makes you want to lay down, to do less. It's exhausting and depending on how bad the depression is sleeping seems better. For the majority, doing the exact opposite of how you feel works to get out of that state, which isn't easy for many, so it helps to take it slow. Sometimes just walking around in a circle in your house for 15-20 minutes can sometimes be enough. This can be done without getting dressed or even thinking about it. It can be done while cooking food or going to the bathroom. It's only 15 minutes and for many that is enough exercise to start feeling not drained again. For many today depression can be caused by doing too much instant gratification type activities in your free time, which can cause that feeling drained feeling. I find having a hobby can help a lot, because then you're not bored. I find getting a hobby can be hard. It can come from a need, like being aggravated with something and wanting to improve it, but it also comes as a side effect from socializing with people. People talking about what they've been up to, what they're passionate about, or even what they hate, can all plant seeds of inspiration that can eventually lead to a hobby. So for some the solution to this kind of depression is socializing. And it goes on. This is why talking to a professional (preferably someone who specializes in CBT, but it's not required) can help. It typically only takes a few months of therapy to get out of most kinds of depression.
- tbenst 6y ago
  This is a kind and thoughtful reply. I would push back on the notion that there has to be a cause for depression. Maybe there is, but it can lead to the dangerous conclusion that it’s somehow one’s fault, when it’s actually a maladaptive behavioral state; a disease. Fully agree with your advice to talk to a professional.
  - proverbialbunny 6y ago
    Thanks. I see how that could be a concern. To address it, there can be causality without fault. Fault is a kind of blame. Blame is when you take out a timeline and put your finger down on an arbitrary part and say, "It's because of this." and fault is taking that arbitrary point and reducing the event down into actors by saying, "It's because of you everything went wrong." Looking closely, fault provides no benefit. You can grow and improve by looking at causality. You can learn why someone did what they did and learn from that, which is far more beneficial than the overly reductionist fault. Fault as a default is a lazy way of thinking. Instead we can see the ignorance in ones decision, or the defensiveness in ones decision when they assume another was being harmful to them (eg arguing or retaliation), or we can see the short sighted selfishness in some rare situations (eg, narcissism). Fault is not necessary. It's a hindrance towards a higher resolution view and from that greater awareness comes greater learning capacity, a heightened wisdom, and possibly even heightened intelligence.
rriepe 6y ago
This sounds more like depersonalization. It can be a symptom of cPTSD or schizoid personality disorder (which is sort of like cPTSD-as-personality).
- wiml 6y ago
  Not a psych person, but depersonalization can also be a (mostly maladaptive) coping strategy for depression. GP's description sounds like simple depression to me though.
  - rriepe 6y ago
    I lost years of my life to this stupid idea. GP: You are depersonalized. Get some real help outside of HN.
deleted 6y ago
[deleted]
LordHumungous 6y ago
You are describing my life
ineedasername 6y ago
Those are without a doubt some clear symptoms of depression. Two VERY VERY IMPORTANT THINGS: 1) A good first step is to see your GP, if you have one, and if you don't look up some reviews and find a decent one. If you're at the point where you lack the motivation to even do that, ask a friend or loved one to do it for you. If you don't have a resource like that around you, just click this link & put in your own zip code: https://www.healthgrades.com/usearch?what=General%20Medical%20Practice&where=Beverly%20Hills%2C%20CA%2090210&pt=34.103131%2C-118.416253&pageNum=1&sort.provider=bestmatch&state=CA&zip=90210 https://www.healthgrades.com/usearch?what=General%20Medical%... You see a GP first because they should run something like a complete metabolic panel along with tests for things like vitamin D levels. It's entirely possible to get mis-diagnosed with (psychological) depression when there is a more concrete metabolic cause. Other readers, please please don't downvote this next part for language, use of caps, etc., this is seriously important 2) About it never going away. Oh hell that's the feeling all right. But here's the thing about a depressed brain telling you things: IT IS A FUCKING LIAR. Your mind tells you that, so you feel worse, and it feels even harder to over come, and the spiral continues. You CAN feel better. It might honestly be the hardest thing you ever do, but you have to claw back up inch by inch. Shit, inches can be hard at times. Go for millimeters when you need to. When you get pushed back down at times, IT'S TEMPORARY. Just keep taking that tiny step in front of you. One. Tiny. Step. Motivation is hard. Doing things you liked before is hard. Focus on doing small things. Focus on finding 5 minutes, or one minute, of distraction from your headspace at a time. A good simple technique is to overload your physical senses: 1) Light a candle/spray some scent 2) Put on some background noise-- music, anything 3) Fill a glass (real glass to conduct the cold) to the top with ice, and ANYTHING carbonated. If you don't do soda, go for seltzer or something. Wrap your hands around the cold glass. Keep it near your lips & take sips. You've got all 5 senses covered: Smell, sound, touching the cold, hearing the fizz of the bubbles, the taste as you sip & sensation of the carbonation. You're brain does have a bandwidth limit, and hitting all 5 senses saturates a lot of it. An ice-cold shower is also good. These things aren't silver bullets, aren't a cure: You're looking to get incremental periods of time where you don't feel like crap. Over time, they can build, and get easier. Look for other small 5 minute distractions that take you out of your head, whatever works. Getting out of this is a game of inches. Finally: NONE of #2 replaces treatment. It's a single coping mechanism that can work to take the slightest edge off things. Therapy, medication if needed, those should be on your list for consideration. Maybe check out the DBSA: https://www.dbsalliance.org/support/ https://www.dbsalliance.org/support/ Groups are everywhere, and if that's not your thing or none are actually near you, they do daily online meetings. Talk or not, or just take it in. Sometimes knowing it's not just you can help, but you'll also hear how other people cope with this. A good inventory of coping mechanisms to take the edge off is very important. IT WON'T LAST FOREVER. YOU CAN FEEL BETTER.
throwaway1723 6y ago
It's not depression, it's the society tumbling down the hill straight to hell, my friend, and your subconscious understanding of that fact.
- hirako2000 6y ago
  Thanks for pointing this out. It can be society as a whole, or simply the situation we end up in, individually. Or even both, in which case it would rather be surprising and in a way symtomtic of mental illness to NOT suffer from depression. One thing interesting about society and its effect on individuals mental state, is it the absolute rating of a society's sanity (however we could rate that) or rather the delta between present and past, along with the perceived prospect of its future delta? You are perhaps touching on this as you are writing going "down" the hill. We might still be at the top of the Mountain, but that's hardly relevant.
  - throwaway1723 6y ago
    Everyone's detectors of this delta seem to have different thresholds of sensitivity... Simply put, some frogs feel small increments of water's temperature and try to warn others, so that they work out the means of escape instead of keeping their pool party going, but for those partying the increments pass as not alarming. That of course does not mean that less sensitive ones don't feel some uneasiness in the environment. They do, but the cook keeps dressing the heating broth with promises of better future, and lulls the frogs into attributing this uneasiness to depression. Because you see, psychiatry is just another cook's tool among forks, spoons and knives. Erich Fromm did not use the term 'punitive psychiatry' for no reason.
- stjohnswarts 6y ago
  This is bullshit and a bullshit outlook.
steve_adams_86 6y ago
I find it so strange that when people have such clear indicators of depression, they’re still like “I’m not sure if this is legit depression but...” I personally got to the point where I was practically fantasizing about dying and still wasn’t sure if that’s real depression. I think we ease into it and forget what being happy was like, such that the depression practically becomes normal. It’s awful
- Pokepokalypse 6y ago
  That's because depression is deeply tied into the Kubler-Ross model, and the natural first response in the process of grieving is denial. It's really amazing how easy this is to understand, if you've been through it.
  - steve_adams_86 6y ago
    The notion of denial makes sense in that context. I reflect on depressive times and I really was in denial; that's been clear to me in many moments. I'd speak to people like everything was AWESOME after leaving my home from a morning of intense self-loathing and resentment - the kinds of gut-wrenching thoughts and feelings you'd reserve for someone you hate with all your heart. And I'd kind of believe myself for even minutes at a time. The denial was strong. Denial or pure escapism, I'm not really sure. What else can you do when you're hurting like that though. I mean, if you don't have the tools to cope, the mental capacity to endure much more, the experience to draw on to recognize the patterns and trajectories and so on. You're practically forced to deny or defer it when you're unequipped to manage it.
tobib 6y ago
This is pretty much exactly how I felt. One day I just went to a walk in clinic and talked to a doctor. From there, everything got better.
zamalek 6y ago
> So is that depression? Do a depression test.[1] And remember that there is nothing wrong with being depressed. It's just like having the common cold, it's a temporary illness that can pass. Seriously, just do the test and if you need meds take them. It can save you a huge amount of pointless lost effort. There is nothing wrong with being depressed. [1]: https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/depression-quiz/ https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/depression-quiz/
chris_wot 6y ago
That sounds like depression to me. I get this fairly regularly. It’s why I haven’t edited Wikipedia for at least a month, even though I really want to. I just can’t seem to get the drive to get the next article out. One thing I can say, at least for me, is that exercise has helped.
m3Lith 6y ago
I startedd to feel something like that too, basically a few weeks from the quarantine. The thing is, I actually thought I would like being closed up, because I'm pretty introverted and don't mind staying at home after work. However, the last couple of years I've started going out more, meeting new people, and trying various activities, which really opened up my view and felt good. But I didn't imagine that cutting these things off would affect me that much. Now I don't even want to work, don't want to play games either, can hardly force myself to watch a movie too. That subtle "background sadness" is a pretty accurate description.
simonebrunozzi 6y ago
> I don't felt The correct way to say this is "I didn't feel". It might be irrelevant, but if I were in your shoes I would have liked to be shown the correct way to say it. Not trying to be pedantic. Edit: unless you meant "I haven't felt", which has of course a different meaning.
- nemo1618 6y ago
  "I don't feel" is grammatically correct and has lower edit distance.
stjohnswarts 6y ago
Depression isn't just feeling sad/suicidal all the things (tired/lack of energy/abrupts changes in your social life) you describe can be symptoms. If you can't get yourself out of the rut it might be time to seek professional counseling. I would suggest trying regular exercise and eating right as a great start though. Just cut out fast food entirely, work in half an hour or so of working out every day or every other day. MOVE. Donate time at a homeless shelter or other charity.

tspike 6y ago

Yep, that's exactly what depression is like.

cjbprime 6y ago

I think it's a good idea to see a doctor/therapist any time something changes in a way that interferes with your ability to be functional in daily life, for more than a brief amount of time. It sounds like that's the case for you.

eyelidlessness 6y ago

That is exactly what depression feels like. It’s okay if you feel like you can navigate it without help. But if you feel like you would benefit from help but don’t know how/where to start, there are people and resources available to help you get there. Don’t let it get so bad that it’s an emergency before you’re ready to ask.

throwaway1777 6y ago

The good news is if you never had it in the past there’s a chance it may go away and not come back. Everyone goes through rough spots and this has been a weird year. Depression is a serious thing though, so don’t feel any shame in asking a professional about it.

proverbialbunny 6y ago

>So is that depression? Yep, but the cause in your case is unknown. For example, it could be work burnout causing it. It could be not going outside that is causing it. It could be not socializing that is causing it. It could be your diet. It could be ... If you can identify the cause you can find a solution. Unfortunately, the best most people have is a shotgun approach where they try a combination of solutions attempting to address every possible cause. When in a depressed state it makes you want to lay down, to do less. It's exhausting and depending on how bad the depression is sleeping seems better. For the majority, doing the exact opposite of how you feel works to get out of that state, which isn't easy for many, so it helps to take it slow. Sometimes just walking around in a circle in your house for 15-20 minutes can sometimes be enough. This can be done without getting dressed or even thinking about it. It can be done while cooking food or going to the bathroom. It's only 15 minutes and for many that is enough exercise to start feeling not drained again. For many today depression can be caused by doing too much instant gratification type activities in your free time, which can cause that feeling drained feeling. I find having a hobby can help a lot, because then you're not bored. I find getting a hobby can be hard. It can come from a need, like being aggravated with something and wanting to improve it, but it also comes as a side effect from socializing with people. People talking about what they've been up to, what they're passionate about, or even what they hate, can all plant seeds of inspiration that can eventually lead to a hobby. So for some the solution to this kind of depression is socializing. And it goes on. This is why talking to a professional (preferably someone who specializes in CBT, but it's not required) can help. It typically only takes a few months of therapy to get out of most kinds of depression.

tbenst 6y ago
This is a kind and thoughtful reply. I would push back on the notion that there has to be a cause for depression. Maybe there is, but it can lead to the dangerous conclusion that it’s somehow one’s fault, when it’s actually a maladaptive behavioral state; a disease. Fully agree with your advice to talk to a professional.
- proverbialbunny 6y ago
  Thanks. I see how that could be a concern. To address it, there can be causality without fault. Fault is a kind of blame. Blame is when you take out a timeline and put your finger down on an arbitrary part and say, "It's because of this." and fault is taking that arbitrary point and reducing the event down into actors by saying, "It's because of you everything went wrong." Looking closely, fault provides no benefit. You can grow and improve by looking at causality. You can learn why someone did what they did and learn from that, which is far more beneficial than the overly reductionist fault. Fault as a default is a lazy way of thinking. Instead we can see the ignorance in ones decision, or the defensiveness in ones decision when they assume another was being harmful to them (eg arguing or retaliation), or we can see the short sighted selfishness in some rare situations (eg, narcissism). Fault is not necessary. It's a hindrance towards a higher resolution view and from that greater awareness comes greater learning capacity, a heightened wisdom, and possibly even heightened intelligence.

rriepe 6y ago

This sounds more like depersonalization. It can be a symptom of cPTSD or schizoid personality disorder (which is sort of like cPTSD-as-personality).

wiml 6y ago
Not a psych person, but depersonalization can also be a (mostly maladaptive) coping strategy for depression. GP's description sounds like simple depression to me though.
- rriepe 6y ago
  I lost years of my life to this stupid idea. GP: You are depersonalized. Get some real help outside of HN.

deleted 6y ago

[deleted]

LordHumungous 6y ago

You are describing my life

ineedasername 6y ago

Those are without a doubt some clear symptoms of depression. Two VERY VERY IMPORTANT THINGS: 1) A good first step is to see your GP, if you have one, and if you don't look up some reviews and find a decent one. If you're at the point where you lack the motivation to even do that, ask a friend or loved one to do it for you. If you don't have a resource like that around you, just click this link & put in your own zip code: https://www.healthgrades.com/usearch?what=General%20Medical%20Practice&where=Beverly%20Hills%2C%20CA%2090210&pt=34.103131%2C-118.416253&pageNum=1&sort.provider=bestmatch&state=CA&zip=90210 https://www.healthgrades.com/usearch?what=General%20Medical%... You see a GP first because they should run something like a complete metabolic panel along with tests for things like vitamin D levels. It's entirely possible to get mis-diagnosed with (psychological) depression when there is a more concrete metabolic cause. Other readers, please please don't downvote this next part for language, use of caps, etc., this is seriously important 2) About it never going away. Oh hell that's the feeling all right. But here's the thing about a depressed brain telling you things: IT IS A FUCKING LIAR. Your mind tells you that, so you feel worse, and it feels even harder to over come, and the spiral continues. You CAN feel better. It might honestly be the hardest thing you ever do, but you have to claw back up inch by inch. Shit, inches can be hard at times. Go for millimeters when you need to. When you get pushed back down at times, IT'S TEMPORARY. Just keep taking that tiny step in front of you. One. Tiny. Step. Motivation is hard. Doing things you liked before is hard. Focus on doing small things. Focus on finding 5 minutes, or one minute, of distraction from your headspace at a time. A good simple technique is to overload your physical senses: 1) Light a candle/spray some scent 2) Put on some background noise-- music, anything 3) Fill a glass (real glass to conduct the cold) to the top with ice, and ANYTHING carbonated. If you don't do soda, go for seltzer or something. Wrap your hands around the cold glass. Keep it near your lips & take sips. You've got all 5 senses covered: Smell, sound, touching the cold, hearing the fizz of the bubbles, the taste as you sip & sensation of the carbonation. You're brain does have a bandwidth limit, and hitting all 5 senses saturates a lot of it. An ice-cold shower is also good. These things aren't silver bullets, aren't a cure: You're looking to get incremental periods of time where you don't feel like crap. Over time, they can build, and get easier. Look for other small 5 minute distractions that take you out of your head, whatever works. Getting out of this is a game of inches. Finally: NONE of #2 replaces treatment. It's a single coping mechanism that can work to take the slightest edge off things. Therapy, medication if needed, those should be on your list for consideration. Maybe check out the DBSA: https://www.dbsalliance.org/support/ https://www.dbsalliance.org/support/ Groups are everywhere, and if that's not your thing or none are actually near you, they do daily online meetings. Talk or not, or just take it in. Sometimes knowing it's not just you can help, but you'll also hear how other people cope with this. A good inventory of coping mechanisms to take the edge off is very important. IT WON'T LAST FOREVER. YOU CAN FEEL BETTER.

throwaway1723 6y ago

It's not depression, it's the society tumbling down the hill straight to hell, my friend, and your subconscious understanding of that fact.

hirako2000 6y ago
Thanks for pointing this out. It can be society as a whole, or simply the situation we end up in, individually. Or even both, in which case it would rather be surprising and in a way symtomtic of mental illness to NOT suffer from depression. One thing interesting about society and its effect on individuals mental state, is it the absolute rating of a society's sanity (however we could rate that) or rather the delta between present and past, along with the perceived prospect of its future delta? You are perhaps touching on this as you are writing going "down" the hill. We might still be at the top of the Mountain, but that's hardly relevant.
- throwaway1723 6y ago
  Everyone's detectors of this delta seem to have different thresholds of sensitivity... Simply put, some frogs feel small increments of water's temperature and try to warn others, so that they work out the means of escape instead of keeping their pool party going, but for those partying the increments pass as not alarming. That of course does not mean that less sensitive ones don't feel some uneasiness in the environment. They do, but the cook keeps dressing the heating broth with promises of better future, and lulls the frogs into attributing this uneasiness to depression. Because you see, psychiatry is just another cook's tool among forks, spoons and knives. Erich Fromm did not use the term 'punitive psychiatry' for no reason.
stjohnswarts 6y ago
This is bullshit and a bullshit outlook.

steve_adams_86 6y ago

I find it so strange that when people have such clear indicators of depression, they’re still like “I’m not sure if this is legit depression but...” I personally got to the point where I was practically fantasizing about dying and still wasn’t sure if that’s real depression. I think we ease into it and forget what being happy was like, such that the depression practically becomes normal. It’s awful

Pokepokalypse 6y ago
That's because depression is deeply tied into the Kubler-Ross model, and the natural first response in the process of grieving is denial. It's really amazing how easy this is to understand, if you've been through it.
- steve_adams_86 6y ago
  The notion of denial makes sense in that context. I reflect on depressive times and I really was in denial; that's been clear to me in many moments. I'd speak to people like everything was AWESOME after leaving my home from a morning of intense self-loathing and resentment - the kinds of gut-wrenching thoughts and feelings you'd reserve for someone you hate with all your heart. And I'd kind of believe myself for even minutes at a time. The denial was strong. Denial or pure escapism, I'm not really sure. What else can you do when you're hurting like that though. I mean, if you don't have the tools to cope, the mental capacity to endure much more, the experience to draw on to recognize the patterns and trajectories and so on. You're practically forced to deny or defer it when you're unequipped to manage it.

tobib 6y ago

This is pretty much exactly how I felt. One day I just went to a walk in clinic and talked to a doctor. From there, everything got better.

zamalek 6y ago

> So is that depression? Do a depression test.[1] And remember that there is nothing wrong with being depressed. It's just like having the common cold, it's a temporary illness that can pass. Seriously, just do the test and if you need meds take them. It can save you a huge amount of pointless lost effort. There is nothing wrong with being depressed. [1]: https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/depression-quiz/ https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/depression-quiz/

chris_wot 6y ago

That sounds like depression to me. I get this fairly regularly. It’s why I haven’t edited Wikipedia for at least a month, even though I really want to. I just can’t seem to get the drive to get the next article out. One thing I can say, at least for me, is that exercise has helped.

m3Lith 6y ago

I startedd to feel something like that too, basically a few weeks from the quarantine. The thing is, I actually thought I would like being closed up, because I'm pretty introverted and don't mind staying at home after work. However, the last couple of years I've started going out more, meeting new people, and trying various activities, which really opened up my view and felt good. But I didn't imagine that cutting these things off would affect me that much. Now I don't even want to work, don't want to play games either, can hardly force myself to watch a movie too. That subtle "background sadness" is a pretty accurate description.

simonebrunozzi 6y ago

> I don't felt The correct way to say this is "I didn't feel". It might be irrelevant, but if I were in your shoes I would have liked to be shown the correct way to say it. Not trying to be pedantic. Edit: unless you meant "I haven't felt", which has of course a different meaning.

nemo1618 6y ago
"I don't feel" is grammatically correct and has lower edit distance.

stjohnswarts 6y ago

Depression isn't just feeling sad/suicidal all the things (tired/lack of energy/abrupts changes in your social life) you describe can be symptoms. If you can't get yourself out of the rut it might be time to seek professional counseling. I would suggest trying regular exercise and eating right as a great start though. Just cut out fast food entirely, work in half an hour or so of working out every day or every other day. MOVE. Donate time at a homeless shelter or other charity.