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A good related book is "How to win Friends and Influence people". Basically its a guide how to make friends, with a realization that we live in a world full of

A good related book is "How to win Friends and Influence people". Basically its a guide how to make friends, with a realization that we live in a world full of selfish people, that are self centered and don't have much empathy. This is the default state of human beings. I watched an interview with Pol Pot and even he thought of himself as a good guy. Quick Book Summary https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qvUYtwASqY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qvUYtwASqY Pol Pot last interview https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQ9_BMshyiw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQ9_BMshyiw [edit] I should qualify what I mean by selfish as it relates to the book. Basically humans tend to act in their self interest by default. And will go a long way to justify that behaviour to themselves even when it hurts others, so they can preserve a positive self image. this a common behaviour pattern. The book doesn't claim its universal, and no exception exist. I'm sure there are exceptions. But even modern "saint" equivalents like Gandhi did some messed up selfish things.

throwaway_pdp09 6y ago
While it may be true that there are many selfish people, many aren't. Interpret the world as being packed with wankers and in your mind you deny people the chance to be anything else. I had a relative like that, he wasn't a nice person.
- bigbubba 6y ago
  As the saying goes, a thief thinks every man steals. I am very wary of people who are deeply pessimistic in the what they believe about everybody else.
bluedino 6y ago
I’ve taken these classes and it comes down to “be someone you aren’t in order to make conversation” It just feels so fake and scripted. I can easily tell in a business setting when people are just putting on their Dale Carnegie hat.
- BurningFrog 6y ago
  You can also think of it as "make an effort to act in a way others enjoy".
  - bigbubba 6y ago
    I don't enjoy the superficiality of a sleezeball who took courses in 'pretending to care.' But for each their own I suppose.
  - username90 6y ago
    Problem is that only people with bad empathy enjoys it since otherwise you can see through peoples superficiality. So going through the motions and pretending to like each other doesn't work with/for many.
    - BurningFrog 6y ago
      You can see through the people who do it badly. Those who do it well, which is most of us, just seem like nice, friendly and interesting people.
      - bigbubba 6y ago
        > Those who do it well, which is most of us, Most people have not read that book nor any like it. Most people appear pleasant because that's the way they genuinely are, not because they went to a seminar or read a book to learn how to fake it.
        the-smug-one 6y ago
        That's just not true. I often fail to be pleasant when I am in England, because the culture is different enough that when I try to be nice I mess it up in some manner. We can have the intent of being pleasant but fail to appear pleasant.
        6y ago

throwaway_pdp09 6y ago

While it may be true that there are many selfish people, many aren't. Interpret the world as being packed with wankers and in your mind you deny people the chance to be anything else. I had a relative like that, he wasn't a nice person.

bigbubba 6y ago
As the saying goes, a thief thinks every man steals. I am very wary of people who are deeply pessimistic in the what they believe about everybody else.

bluedino 6y ago

I’ve taken these classes and it comes down to “be someone you aren’t in order to make conversation” It just feels so fake and scripted. I can easily tell in a business setting when people are just putting on their Dale Carnegie hat.

BurningFrog 6y ago
You can also think of it as "make an effort to act in a way others enjoy".
- bigbubba 6y ago
  I don't enjoy the superficiality of a sleezeball who took courses in 'pretending to care.' But for each their own I suppose.
- username90 6y ago
  Problem is that only people with bad empathy enjoys it since otherwise you can see through peoples superficiality. So going through the motions and pretending to like each other doesn't work with/for many.
  - BurningFrog 6y ago
    You can see through the people who do it badly. Those who do it well, which is most of us, just seem like nice, friendly and interesting people.
    - bigbubba 6y ago
      > Those who do it well, which is most of us, Most people have not read that book nor any like it. Most people appear pleasant because that's the way they genuinely are, not because they went to a seminar or read a book to learn how to fake it.
      - the-smug-one 6y ago
        That's just not true. I often fail to be pleasant when I am in England, because the culture is different enough that when I try to be nice I mess it up in some manner. We can have the intent of being pleasant but fail to appear pleasant.
        6y ago