I strongly recommend finding a good counselor or something along those lines for the flooding-thoughts. Self-medicating will help you survive, but it will not e

I strongly recommend finding a good counselor or something along those lines for the flooding-thoughts. Self-medicating will help you survive, but it will not enable you to thrive. I've been doing what is effectively group counseling for the past couple of years and I've slowly learned to identify what the pain is that is driving my behaviors (it sounds like you might already be there), and from there, identifying the needs that are getting unmet. In my case, it's a desire for what St. Augustine describes as "home", a place where you are welcomed, or more broadly speaking, "community" (as opposed to a collection of friends which is what I have). I still have no idea how to get that, but I am making concrete changes to my life to at least randomly walk that direction.