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I've been suicidally depressed my whole life. I currently self medicate with reddit, youtube, etc. If I let my mind wander for just a minute the thoughts come f

I've been suicidally depressed my whole life. I currently self medicate with reddit, youtube, etc. If I let my mind wander for just a minute the thoughts come flooding in. I also find it very difficult to go to sleep because it involves turning off my distractions and being alone with my own mind. I think the title should be changed. I felt this way long before tech entered my life; as a child I used books for this purpose.

mmaunder 6y ago
Try yoga. The three week yoga retreat that the Beachbody app has is great to learn it without going to a class. I simply repeat the final week’s flow. It may teach you how to still your mind by using the distraction of body movement to achieve a meditative state. This may allow you to ultimately meditate without the need for yoga. In other words, this may be a path for you to be alone with your mind without needing distraction. Best of luck.
prewett 6y ago
I strongly recommend finding a good counselor or something along those lines for the flooding-thoughts. Self-medicating will help you survive, but it will not enable you to thrive. I've been doing what is effectively group counseling for the past couple of years and I've slowly learned to identify what the pain is that is driving my behaviors (it sounds like you might already be there), and from there, identifying the needs that are getting unmet. In my case, it's a desire for what St. Augustine describes as "home", a place where you are welcomed, or more broadly speaking, "community" (as opposed to a collection of friends which is what I have). I still have no idea how to get that, but I am making concrete changes to my life to at least randomly walk that direction.
stordoff 6y ago
> If I let my mind wander for just a minute the thoughts come flooding in. I have something vaguely similar with OCD - needing constant stimulation to draw myself away from intrusive thoughts and compulsions. I've found that occasionally deliberately just letting it happen, initially just for a couple of minutes and building up to 10-15 minutes or so, has been extremely useful in gaining some kind of control over them rather than just being overwhelmed. I don't know if something similar would be helpful with depression, but it may be worth considering.

mmaunder 6y ago

Try yoga. The three week yoga retreat that the Beachbody app has is great to learn it without going to a class. I simply repeat the final week’s flow. It may teach you how to still your mind by using the distraction of body movement to achieve a meditative state. This may allow you to ultimately meditate without the need for yoga. In other words, this may be a path for you to be alone with your mind without needing distraction. Best of luck.

prewett 6y ago

I strongly recommend finding a good counselor or something along those lines for the flooding-thoughts. Self-medicating will help you survive, but it will not enable you to thrive. I've been doing what is effectively group counseling for the past couple of years and I've slowly learned to identify what the pain is that is driving my behaviors (it sounds like you might already be there), and from there, identifying the needs that are getting unmet. In my case, it's a desire for what St. Augustine describes as "home", a place where you are welcomed, or more broadly speaking, "community" (as opposed to a collection of friends which is what I have). I still have no idea how to get that, but I am making concrete changes to my life to at least randomly walk that direction.

stordoff 6y ago

> If I let my mind wander for just a minute the thoughts come flooding in. I have something vaguely similar with OCD - needing constant stimulation to draw myself away from intrusive thoughts and compulsions. I've found that occasionally deliberately just letting it happen, initially just for a couple of minutes and building up to 10-15 minutes or so, has been extremely useful in gaining some kind of control over them rather than just being overwhelmed. I don't know if something similar would be helpful with depression, but it may be worth considering.