3 ms·

Meeting people in the real world like we have done for millennia is highly underrated. I don't understand the obsession with dating apps. It's a horrible way to

Meeting people in the real world like we have done for millennia is highly underrated. I don't understand the obsession with dating apps. It's a horrible way to meet people. Young people's inability to approach potential partners the old school way has been a boon for those who actually have the balls to do so. I face so little competition these days, it's become real easy to stand out from the pack and get everything I want, more often than not.

devoloution 6y ago
What is the old school way? Just a random approach in the streets or in a bar?
- kenneth 6y ago
  In a non-creepy way. Probably not on the street, but sure anywhere out where people might be social and open to striking up a conversation (bar, restaurant, park, class, whatever). Don't make it an "approach," just strike up a conversation and if you hit it off, connect so you can develop something.
  - tidenly 6y ago
    Maybe this is a generational thing, but outside of clubbing there is basically no situation I'm regularly in where it would not be weird for me to randomly strike up a conversation with a stranger.
    - theonemind 6y ago
      It's probably weird when anybody does it in most of those contexts. Just be attractive and the other party will get over it.
    - mPReDiToR 6y ago
      I'm male, 45, and in the UK. If I'm shopping I'll smile and say "thanks" for any little consideration (moving aside, putting a "between shoppers bar" on the conveyor, holding a door, etc.), and when waiting for something I'll say something "chit chatty" to the person next to me, male or female, old or young. Sometimes it will be met with a conversation, mostly a polite reply but no chat, others will be shocked that a stranger spoke to them. Anything can be used as a conversational gambit. I think "how about dem Yankees?" comes from an old film. The point is that it doesn't cost anything to be rebuffed. Being open, approachable, and friendly is worth learning. Not being creepy, slimy, or a Lounge Lizard helps. Just speak to people.
      - tidenly 6y ago
        Fellow Brit! I'm 28 and in Japan. Point taken, though being gay it is harder to find which people are within my dating pool - and the risk when rejected is much higher if the guys gonna deck me in the face. I'm only playing devils advocate anyway, I met the guy I'm "dating" right now at a friends birthday party, so I can't knock the classic method.
        toyg 6y ago
        Surprisedpikachu.jpg The gay community is famously promiscuous (it’s not just hearsay, there are clear stats). I have several gay friends and none of them has ever struggled finding either occasional or stable relationships. They definitely never felt forced to strike a conversation with random people off the streets just to find a partner. If anything, they always joked that us “heteros” are illogically self-restricting when looking for sex and relationships.
    - kenneth 6y ago
      Clubs are probably one of the worst place to meet people. No way to really converse and the best you can hope for is to meet someone drunk who wants to fuck. Not ideal for actually meeting people. Most people are actually quite friendly and open to chatting. Talk to the people around you at bars, restaurants, parks. Offer to help people. Conversations happen naturally, just be open and confident. If you struggle with that, maybe some more structured group activities help break the ice (e.g. attend a class, sport, volunteer somewhere, etc.)
YetAnotherNick 6y ago
It depends. I think one reason you see many people using dating apps is that there is due to the bad gender ratio in their group. More people travel for work now and if all the places someone visit or work or study has bad gender ratio(story of many here), it is much harder to find partner. Many of us are not made for bar flirting with a random person.
greggman3 6y ago
It sounds like you have a very different goal. Some of us want a long term relationship. The fact that you've become good at meeting lots of people and starting relationships with them is proof you are not even remotely achieving the same goal. My goal. Meet one great person, be with them for a very long time. Ideally for life but lets say 10 years. At 10yrs I'd have 6 to 7 relationships my entire life. If you tell me, "it's easy. I have a few new relationships a month" you haven't achieved the same goal. I too can achieve the different goal of sleeping with lots of people but I choose not to because that's not my goal.
- nickfromseattle 6y ago
  The OP could very easily have the same goal, except he is focusing on putting more leads at the top of the funnel. More leads / dates = more chances for long term relationships. If OP dates 100 women to find 1 long term relationship, is it more likely OP will find a better 'match', than you, who may date 1-3 women before converting them into a long term relationship. Shouldn't more opportunities = more selective = better long term fit?
- kenneth 6y ago
  I don't really have a goal. Relationships with interesting people of whatever form are worth having regardless of the outcome. I've been in serious committed relationships, and single and having flings or just physical fun. Being open minded, meeting a lot of people, and seeing what happens is the best way to meet a long term partner in my opinnion. Every time I'm single, I'm out there meeting new people for everything from one night stands to flings to casual relationships and on occasion you realize that the person you're seeing that started just casually is the one you want to be with seriously. It's what has happened to me a couple times and again recently.
- mettamage 6y ago
  Hey Greggman3, I had a similar goal. My 2 golden nuggets are: - Find out if you can diagnose with the Big 5 whether you'd be more of a fit with someone (or in my case: the HEXACO model -- a derivative of the Big 5). In my case: I need someone who scores quite high to extremely high on openness. My whole strategy on finding an amazing girlfriend always revolves around this. So far, I'm 4 years in :) - Read up on assorted mating theory (check the wiki, just a few paragraphs) When you have the right approach, finding an amazing partner is actually really easy, albeit there's work to do. For more inspiration see also [1]. What I took away from this talk is not that she went all techy on it, but that she made a very clear strategy on how to find her life partner. It's the best example I could find of that it's quite easy (but hard work), when you have an approach that works for you. Finding an approach that works for you is the toughest part. [1] https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_webb_how_i_hacked_online_dating/transcript https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_webb_how_i_hacked_online_datin...

devoloution 6y ago

What is the old school way? Just a random approach in the streets or in a bar?

kenneth 6y ago
In a non-creepy way. Probably not on the street, but sure anywhere out where people might be social and open to striking up a conversation (bar, restaurant, park, class, whatever). Don't make it an "approach," just strike up a conversation and if you hit it off, connect so you can develop something.
- tidenly 6y ago
  Maybe this is a generational thing, but outside of clubbing there is basically no situation I'm regularly in where it would not be weird for me to randomly strike up a conversation with a stranger.
  - theonemind 6y ago
    It's probably weird when anybody does it in most of those contexts. Just be attractive and the other party will get over it.
  - mPReDiToR 6y ago
    I'm male, 45, and in the UK. If I'm shopping I'll smile and say "thanks" for any little consideration (moving aside, putting a "between shoppers bar" on the conveyor, holding a door, etc.), and when waiting for something I'll say something "chit chatty" to the person next to me, male or female, old or young. Sometimes it will be met with a conversation, mostly a polite reply but no chat, others will be shocked that a stranger spoke to them. Anything can be used as a conversational gambit. I think "how about dem Yankees?" comes from an old film. The point is that it doesn't cost anything to be rebuffed. Being open, approachable, and friendly is worth learning. Not being creepy, slimy, or a Lounge Lizard helps. Just speak to people.
    - tidenly 6y ago
      Fellow Brit! I'm 28 and in Japan. Point taken, though being gay it is harder to find which people are within my dating pool - and the risk when rejected is much higher if the guys gonna deck me in the face. I'm only playing devils advocate anyway, I met the guy I'm "dating" right now at a friends birthday party, so I can't knock the classic method.
      - toyg 6y ago
        Surprisedpikachu.jpg The gay community is famously promiscuous (it’s not just hearsay, there are clear stats). I have several gay friends and none of them has ever struggled finding either occasional or stable relationships. They definitely never felt forced to strike a conversation with random people off the streets just to find a partner. If anything, they always joked that us “heteros” are illogically self-restricting when looking for sex and relationships.
  - kenneth 6y ago
    Clubs are probably one of the worst place to meet people. No way to really converse and the best you can hope for is to meet someone drunk who wants to fuck. Not ideal for actually meeting people. Most people are actually quite friendly and open to chatting. Talk to the people around you at bars, restaurants, parks. Offer to help people. Conversations happen naturally, just be open and confident. If you struggle with that, maybe some more structured group activities help break the ice (e.g. attend a class, sport, volunteer somewhere, etc.)

YetAnotherNick 6y ago

It depends. I think one reason you see many people using dating apps is that there is due to the bad gender ratio in their group. More people travel for work now and if all the places someone visit or work or study has bad gender ratio(story of many here), it is much harder to find partner. Many of us are not made for bar flirting with a random person.

greggman3 6y ago

It sounds like you have a very different goal. Some of us want a long term relationship. The fact that you've become good at meeting lots of people and starting relationships with them is proof you are not even remotely achieving the same goal. My goal. Meet one great person, be with them for a very long time. Ideally for life but lets say 10 years. At 10yrs I'd have 6 to 7 relationships my entire life. If you tell me, "it's easy. I have a few new relationships a month" you haven't achieved the same goal. I too can achieve the different goal of sleeping with lots of people but I choose not to because that's not my goal.

nickfromseattle 6y ago
The OP could very easily have the same goal, except he is focusing on putting more leads at the top of the funnel. More leads / dates = more chances for long term relationships. If OP dates 100 women to find 1 long term relationship, is it more likely OP will find a better 'match', than you, who may date 1-3 women before converting them into a long term relationship. Shouldn't more opportunities = more selective = better long term fit?
kenneth 6y ago
I don't really have a goal. Relationships with interesting people of whatever form are worth having regardless of the outcome. I've been in serious committed relationships, and single and having flings or just physical fun. Being open minded, meeting a lot of people, and seeing what happens is the best way to meet a long term partner in my opinnion. Every time I'm single, I'm out there meeting new people for everything from one night stands to flings to casual relationships and on occasion you realize that the person you're seeing that started just casually is the one you want to be with seriously. It's what has happened to me a couple times and again recently.
mettamage 6y ago
Hey Greggman3, I had a similar goal. My 2 golden nuggets are: - Find out if you can diagnose with the Big 5 whether you'd be more of a fit with someone (or in my case: the HEXACO model -- a derivative of the Big 5). In my case: I need someone who scores quite high to extremely high on openness. My whole strategy on finding an amazing girlfriend always revolves around this. So far, I'm 4 years in :) - Read up on assorted mating theory (check the wiki, just a few paragraphs) When you have the right approach, finding an amazing partner is actually really easy, albeit there's work to do. For more inspiration see also [1]. What I took away from this talk is not that she went all techy on it, but that she made a very clear strategy on how to find her life partner. It's the best example I could find of that it's quite easy (but hard work), when you have an approach that works for you. Finding an approach that works for you is the toughest part. [1] https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_webb_how_i_hacked_online_dating/transcript https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_webb_how_i_hacked_online_datin...