7 ms·

I find it emotionally a lot easier to be evaluated and rejected for romance by a stranger over the course of a few days, than to have a friendship that grows fo

I find it emotionally a lot easier to be evaluated and rejected for romance by a stranger over the course of a few days, than to have a friendship that grows for months/years but ultimately stops short of romantic territory. The latter is usually what happens with people I meet organically.

User23 6y ago
The people you met organically did evaluate and reject you for romance over the course of a few days, you just didn't notice. Now that you know what to look for you'll see it. Feynman's method[1] has always worked exceptionally well for me. If the person is into me they like it, and if they're not they say so and time to move on. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surely_You%27re_Joking,_Mr._Feynman!#The_%22You_Just_Ask_Them?%22_chapter https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surely_You%27re_Joking,_Mr._Fe...
- ComputerGuru 6y ago
  Someone may be into you but have different norms and values. It’s an incredibly uncompromising and disrespectful approach (not from the PC or objectification perspective but from the perspective that you’ll “open negotiations” on your terms rather than signaling a willingness to compromise).
- rblatz 6y ago
  I’m married now, but I had a realization a while ago that all the women I’ve dated or hooked up with were because I made it extremely clear what I was interested in, and not accepting being put in a friend-zone. It’s not quite as bold as Feynman’s approach, but clear intentions and not trying to hedge a situation or avoiding being shot down was the key to success for me. On multiple occasions I met a girl and just said out loud to my friends or hers that I am going to date her/go home with her and in the case of my wife I told some of her friends that I was going to marry that girl. My wife and I took another 5 years after that to get the timing right, but when either of us were single we’d start chatting again.
  - corpMaverick 6y ago
    Same here. I have never been in the friend zone. But I have been rejected many times.
- watwut 6y ago
  But Feynman method is for how you get paid-for sex. And women he was trying to get sex with were in fact interested primary in food he can pay for them. They were in it to find someone who will pay dinner for them, they were not in it for dating or hookup or fun. I kind of feel like that just straight paying prostitute is literally equivalent, but kind of more honest thing (more honest from both sides).
  - toyg 6y ago
    > women he was trying to get sex with were in fact interested primary in food he can pay for them Also, it was 1946 - when women saw men as a necessary meal ticket. It's waaay less likely to work today, particularly for people living comfortably above the poverty line.

User23 6y ago

The people you met organically did evaluate and reject you for romance over the course of a few days, you just didn't notice. Now that you know what to look for you'll see it. Feynman's method[1] has always worked exceptionally well for me. If the person is into me they like it, and if they're not they say so and time to move on. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surely_You%27re_Joking,_Mr._Feynman!#The_%22You_Just_Ask_Them?%22_chapter https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surely_You%27re_Joking,_Mr._Fe...

ComputerGuru 6y ago
Someone may be into you but have different norms and values. It’s an incredibly uncompromising and disrespectful approach (not from the PC or objectification perspective but from the perspective that you’ll “open negotiations” on your terms rather than signaling a willingness to compromise).
rblatz 6y ago
I’m married now, but I had a realization a while ago that all the women I’ve dated or hooked up with were because I made it extremely clear what I was interested in, and not accepting being put in a friend-zone. It’s not quite as bold as Feynman’s approach, but clear intentions and not trying to hedge a situation or avoiding being shot down was the key to success for me. On multiple occasions I met a girl and just said out loud to my friends or hers that I am going to date her/go home with her and in the case of my wife I told some of her friends that I was going to marry that girl. My wife and I took another 5 years after that to get the timing right, but when either of us were single we’d start chatting again.
- corpMaverick 6y ago
  Same here. I have never been in the friend zone. But I have been rejected many times.
watwut 6y ago
But Feynman method is for how you get paid-for sex. And women he was trying to get sex with were in fact interested primary in food he can pay for them. They were in it to find someone who will pay dinner for them, they were not in it for dating or hookup or fun. I kind of feel like that just straight paying prostitute is literally equivalent, but kind of more honest thing (more honest from both sides).
- toyg 6y ago
  > women he was trying to get sex with were in fact interested primary in food he can pay for them Also, it was 1946 - when women saw men as a necessary meal ticket. It's waaay less likely to work today, particularly for people living comfortably above the poverty line.