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I'm not a psychologist, but I'm pretty sure attraction is in the top 2 "need-to-haves" of a relationship. While yes, it's shallow, it's only shallow because we

I'm not a psychologist, but I'm pretty sure attraction is in the top 2 "need-to-haves" of a relationship. While yes, it's shallow, it's only shallow because we evolved to have this bias in the most primitive parts of our brains, which means it's important to a successful existence.

AnIdiotOnTheNet 6y ago
Attraction is not just about appearances though. I don't know if you have ever experienced it, but I can assure you from personal experience it is completely possible to not find someone attractive at first meeting but become attracted to them as you get to know them.
- ironmagma 6y ago
  That is true; it's also possible to find someone attractive in person but not in a picture, and to draw a contrast, possible to find them attractive at first but then upon meeting them, realize their personality renders them unattractive. I'm not sure what's actionable about any of these facts, though, because the visual part still seems to be the most important to people.
- decafninja 6y ago
  While true, I feel this is more conducive in unforced, organic encounters. i.e. if you and the other person meet and interact in some other group or activity that has nothing to do with dating. In an online dating situation, you have extremely little to determine what the other person is like, so appearances (photo) becomes significantly more weighted. You look at the photo, find him/her unattractive, and move on. Whereas in a more organic situation, you may find the person unattractive at first meet, but as you interact with them, decide otherwise.
  - AnIdiotOnTheNet 6y ago
    Yeah, see this is one of the ways in which I find online dating now even worse than it was in the oughties. People didn't even bother trying to inject some kind of personality into their profile, so even if I matched them I had nothing to say to them. There is no online dating anymore really, there is only online hookup. That's fine if that's what you're into, but goddamn is this shit shallow. I think it is time we admit that there are some problems that just can't be solved with a website.
    - toyg 6y ago
      The issue is that personality can be faked, or even just show friction between “personality via delayed text media” and “personality in immediate conversation”. So the apps try to tone it down and just leave that side to the date experience.
- deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]

AnIdiotOnTheNet 6y ago

Attraction is not just about appearances though. I don't know if you have ever experienced it, but I can assure you from personal experience it is completely possible to not find someone attractive at first meeting but become attracted to them as you get to know them.

ironmagma 6y ago
That is true; it's also possible to find someone attractive in person but not in a picture, and to draw a contrast, possible to find them attractive at first but then upon meeting them, realize their personality renders them unattractive. I'm not sure what's actionable about any of these facts, though, because the visual part still seems to be the most important to people.
decafninja 6y ago
While true, I feel this is more conducive in unforced, organic encounters. i.e. if you and the other person meet and interact in some other group or activity that has nothing to do with dating. In an online dating situation, you have extremely little to determine what the other person is like, so appearances (photo) becomes significantly more weighted. You look at the photo, find him/her unattractive, and move on. Whereas in a more organic situation, you may find the person unattractive at first meet, but as you interact with them, decide otherwise.
- AnIdiotOnTheNet 6y ago
  Yeah, see this is one of the ways in which I find online dating now even worse than it was in the oughties. People didn't even bother trying to inject some kind of personality into their profile, so even if I matched them I had nothing to say to them. There is no online dating anymore really, there is only online hookup. That's fine if that's what you're into, but goddamn is this shit shallow. I think it is time we admit that there are some problems that just can't be solved with a website.
  - toyg 6y ago
    The issue is that personality can be faked, or even just show friction between “personality via delayed text media” and “personality in immediate conversation”. So the apps try to tone it down and just leave that side to the date experience.
deleted 6y ago
[deleted]