4 ms·

Now that we've solved the age old problem of people getting married way, way, way too young, we need to start on the problem of people clinging to monogamy as s

Now that we've solved the age old problem of people getting married way, way, way too young, we need to start on the problem of people clinging to monogamy as some sort of universal truth.

PIKAL 6y ago
The only problem is people who think monogamy is universally bad. These people invariably demonize jealousy which is a normal, natural emotional reaction. If you want to demonize innate human desires and behaviors then you’re no better than the Catholic Church.
- xwdv 6y ago
  Anger and desires to kill and maim innocents are sometimes normal human reactions, but they should be demonized. So should jealousy, as it is basically a form of anger.
  - PIKAL 6y ago
    Burying anger is not healthy emotionally. When you demonize emotions that a person naturally feels you demonize the person and they only internalize the pain. Do what works for you but don’t be a nuisance to everyone around you by making them guilty for things they can’t help.
    - xwdv 6y ago
      I've buried a lot of anger over the years and I'm fine.
lotsofpulp 6y ago
There is nothing stopping two people from being married and polyamorous.
- xwdv 6y ago
  The problem is because society has not adopted non-monogamy as being acceptable in relationships, many people do not even consider it, which generates a smaller pool of partners to find who may be compatible with non-monogamy. You have to find increasingly niche people, who are often abnormal in other ways that you wish they'd just be normal.
xwdv 6y ago
I would love to see this societal change before I am too late to be married somewhat youthfully, but I don't think we will get there. Monogamy is a breeding ground for drama. It creates a lifelong conflict between choosing to be a faithful spouse, and choosing to follow natural human instincts. I know a woman with an open relationship, she regularly has many partners but has a husband. A friend had approached her one time thinking she was going to make a difficult and shocking revelation to her: that she had seen her husband with another woman. It was then that she had to delicately explain the arrangement of her open marriage to her friend.
waterheater 6y ago
>age old problem of people getting married way, way, way too young If it was a problem, why did so many societies choose that path back then? Lower overall life expectancy and the prevalence of disease required you to play a game of probabilities with reproduction. Say you want four adult children. According to one source, 50% of children died before adulthood back 500 years ago [1]. So, you must plan to have eight children. Is this task doable if you start in your late 20's/early 30's? Likely not. Also, life expectancy for the mother was far lower than today [2]. The mother will be providing the food to nurture the infants, so her early demise is to be avoided. Starting earlier is again preferred. Modern society sets up different incentives for the marriage equation. We're told careers are more important than starting families. Monogamy is not the only path to fulfillment, but people must seek the other paths on their own. Normalizing non-monogamous relationships for the unprepared leads to disastrous consequences for all parties involved. [1] https://ourworldindata.org/child-mortality-in-the-past https://ourworldindata.org/child-mortality-in-the-past [2] https://www.sarahwoodbury.com/life-expectancy-in-the-middle-ages/ https://www.sarahwoodbury.com/life-expectancy-in-the-middle-...

Now that we've solved the age old problem of people getting married way, way, way too young, we need to start on the problem of people clinging to monogamy as some sort of universal truth.

PIKAL 6y ago

The only problem is people who think monogamy is universally bad. These people invariably demonize jealousy which is a normal, natural emotional reaction. If you want to demonize innate human desires and behaviors then you’re no better than the Catholic Church.

xwdv 6y ago
Anger and desires to kill and maim innocents are sometimes normal human reactions, but they should be demonized. So should jealousy, as it is basically a form of anger.
- PIKAL 6y ago
  Burying anger is not healthy emotionally. When you demonize emotions that a person naturally feels you demonize the person and they only internalize the pain. Do what works for you but don’t be a nuisance to everyone around you by making them guilty for things they can’t help.
  - xwdv 6y ago
    I've buried a lot of anger over the years and I'm fine.

lotsofpulp 6y ago

There is nothing stopping two people from being married and polyamorous.

xwdv 6y ago
The problem is because society has not adopted non-monogamy as being acceptable in relationships, many people do not even consider it, which generates a smaller pool of partners to find who may be compatible with non-monogamy. You have to find increasingly niche people, who are often abnormal in other ways that you wish they'd just be normal.

xwdv 6y ago

I would love to see this societal change before I am too late to be married somewhat youthfully, but I don't think we will get there. Monogamy is a breeding ground for drama. It creates a lifelong conflict between choosing to be a faithful spouse, and choosing to follow natural human instincts. I know a woman with an open relationship, she regularly has many partners but has a husband. A friend had approached her one time thinking she was going to make a difficult and shocking revelation to her: that she had seen her husband with another woman. It was then that she had to delicately explain the arrangement of her open marriage to her friend.

waterheater 6y ago

>age old problem of people getting married way, way, way too young If it was a problem, why did so many societies choose that path back then? Lower overall life expectancy and the prevalence of disease required you to play a game of probabilities with reproduction. Say you want four adult children. According to one source, 50% of children died before adulthood back 500 years ago [1]. So, you must plan to have eight children. Is this task doable if you start in your late 20's/early 30's? Likely not. Also, life expectancy for the mother was far lower than today [2]. The mother will be providing the food to nurture the infants, so her early demise is to be avoided. Starting earlier is again preferred. Modern society sets up different incentives for the marriage equation. We're told careers are more important than starting families. Monogamy is not the only path to fulfillment, but people must seek the other paths on their own. Normalizing non-monogamous relationships for the unprepared leads to disastrous consequences for all parties involved. [1] https://ourworldindata.org/child-mortality-in-the-past https://ourworldindata.org/child-mortality-in-the-past [2] https://www.sarahwoodbury.com/life-expectancy-in-the-middle-ages/ https://www.sarahwoodbury.com/life-expectancy-in-the-middle-...