4 ms·

And that's not at all what OP said. Or, if you're actually complaining about people getting any respect at all for the work they put into their physical appear

And that's not at all what OP said. Or, if you're actually complaining about people getting any respect at all for the work they put into their physical appearance?

em-bee 6y ago
depends on where it's coming from. if my friends compliment me for the hard work i did as they notice the improvement, then that's fine. but a random stranger has no business judging my appearance, regardless if it's positive or negative.
- DarkWiiPlayer 6y ago
  Well, you're not entitled to any respect whatsoever. If someone is going to respect certain things that don't apply to you, it's you who has no business complaining about that. Where does the comment you responded to even talk about random strangers? > and the amount of respect I got after less than a year of diligent weight lifting was incredible Sounds to me like this is mostly about friends or acquaintances. All you're doing here is trying to invalidate something someone else did that they feel somewhat proud about.
  - em-bee 6y ago
    you are probably right, i read the comment as receiving respect from everyone and not just friends. it was also not my intention to invalidate the achievement of someone improving their bodyshape, which, as someone who is overweight myself, is something i wish i could achieve too (although i am somewhat proud of the fact that i kept my weight stable for the last 20 years) and i appreciate your criticism as i realize that my comment can be read like that. i'd like to apologize for that. what rubbed me wrong was the implied suggestion that i should improve my body in order to get more respect from friends or anyone else. it felt to me like doing it for the wrong reasons. again, while saying that i realize that this may not be what the comment intended to express, and i am saying this now not in order to restate or repeat any criticism on my part, but in order to explain my thought process however inadequate it may be. finally, my comment was not meant critisize the parent at all personally but rather critisize the very idea of respecting someone for their body shape.
- himinlomax 6y ago
  > but a random stranger has no business judging my appearance, regardless if it's positive or negative. But they will, and they do. That's a fact of life. You seem to have a child's outlook on life. All I can tell you is, grow up. For your own sake.
  - em-bee 6y ago
    you seem misunderstand what i am trying to say. i am not complaining about being treated badly, but i am trying to present a model how we interact with each other. maybe it helps to reverse the positions: it is fine for me to compliment my friends on their achivements to loose weight because i know where they came from, but it is not acceptable to judge someone elses appearance because i don't know how it will be perceived. especially if it happens in public, congratulating someone on their body while not doing that on the nearby overweight person potentially makes that person uncomfortable. likewise, receiving a compliment that i don't deserve makes me uncomfortable too. we do need to consider how our messages are received. and with someone i don't know, i can't predict how that message is received, therefore it is better not to send the messsge in the first place. if i do want to send a message i try to word it in such a way as to not be about them but about me: i would like to get my body in a shape like yours this removes any potential misunderstanding that i might generally favor people with a certain body shape, and it won't make other overweight people in the room feel bad.

And that's not at all what OP said. Or, if you're actually complaining about people getting any respect at all for the work they put into their physical appearance?

em-bee 6y ago

depends on where it's coming from. if my friends compliment me for the hard work i did as they notice the improvement, then that's fine. but a random stranger has no business judging my appearance, regardless if it's positive or negative.

DarkWiiPlayer 6y ago
Well, you're not entitled to any respect whatsoever. If someone is going to respect certain things that don't apply to you, it's you who has no business complaining about that. Where does the comment you responded to even talk about random strangers? > and the amount of respect I got after less than a year of diligent weight lifting was incredible Sounds to me like this is mostly about friends or acquaintances. All you're doing here is trying to invalidate something someone else did that they feel somewhat proud about.
- em-bee 6y ago
  you are probably right, i read the comment as receiving respect from everyone and not just friends. it was also not my intention to invalidate the achievement of someone improving their bodyshape, which, as someone who is overweight myself, is something i wish i could achieve too (although i am somewhat proud of the fact that i kept my weight stable for the last 20 years) and i appreciate your criticism as i realize that my comment can be read like that. i'd like to apologize for that. what rubbed me wrong was the implied suggestion that i should improve my body in order to get more respect from friends or anyone else. it felt to me like doing it for the wrong reasons. again, while saying that i realize that this may not be what the comment intended to express, and i am saying this now not in order to restate or repeat any criticism on my part, but in order to explain my thought process however inadequate it may be. finally, my comment was not meant critisize the parent at all personally but rather critisize the very idea of respecting someone for their body shape.
himinlomax 6y ago
> but a random stranger has no business judging my appearance, regardless if it's positive or negative. But they will, and they do. That's a fact of life. You seem to have a child's outlook on life. All I can tell you is, grow up. For your own sake.
- em-bee 6y ago
  you seem misunderstand what i am trying to say. i am not complaining about being treated badly, but i am trying to present a model how we interact with each other. maybe it helps to reverse the positions: it is fine for me to compliment my friends on their achivements to loose weight because i know where they came from, but it is not acceptable to judge someone elses appearance because i don't know how it will be perceived. especially if it happens in public, congratulating someone on their body while not doing that on the nearby overweight person potentially makes that person uncomfortable. likewise, receiving a compliment that i don't deserve makes me uncomfortable too. we do need to consider how our messages are received. and with someone i don't know, i can't predict how that message is received, therefore it is better not to send the messsge in the first place. if i do want to send a message i try to word it in such a way as to not be about them but about me: i would like to get my body in a shape like yours this removes any potential misunderstanding that i might generally favor people with a certain body shape, and it won't make other overweight people in the room feel bad.