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I have a particularly difficult time with mind wandering. My kids and wife complain often that my mind wanders too much and I don’t pay attention to the convers

by hi41 6y ago

I have a particularly difficult time with mind wandering. My kids and wife complain often that my mind wanders too much and I don’t pay attention to the conversation. Has anyone had this issue and solved the problem. In my mind wandering, I usually am the protagonist of some story. It has become problematic to the point where it has become a problem and is affecting my life - can’t get anything done.

malux85 6y ago
Practice focus with gradually increasing duration. Eliminate distractions through willpower (or configuration if you must). Deliberate, spaced, repetition of focus duration. There are no quick fixes.
- tikhonj 6y ago
  Deliberate and repeated practice is a great idea, but in my experience trying to use "willpower" to focus is actively counter-productive. Instead, I've found that practicing mindfulness meditation and "letting go" of thoughts when I notice my mind wandering works far better. I've been using Headspace[1] as an introduction to meditation and it only took a few weeks of regular meditation, working up from 5 minutes a day to 20, for me to feel a real difference. I didn't know what to expect going in—I was a bit skeptical of the whole idea, to be honest—but I'm glad I stuck with it. [1]: https://www.headspace.com/ https://www.headspace.com/
bitdizzy 6y ago
You might have AD(H)D. It is underdiagnosed in adults. CBT can help many cases by practicing focus and attentiveness.
tikhonj 6y ago
Yes, absolutely! I would talk to people, have my mind wander a bit then have to guess what they just said. 99% of the time I was really good at guessing, but it led to some awkward situations. In my case, it turned out to be undiagnosed ADHD. In fact, "Do you have trouble focusing on conversations you're having?" is one of the regular screening questions psychologists use for it. When my therapist first suggested I might have ADHD, I actually didn't believe her. It took a bunch of reading about ADHD to change my mind; in hindsight, my understanding of ADHD—based on popular culture—was pretty far from reality. Doing a bit of research and reading about ADHD from the perspective of people who had it (as opposed to the perspective of, say, teachers dealing with ADHD students) really helped. I found Driven to Distraction[1] a particularly good overview, with a lot of insights and stories that resonated with me 100%. Since getting diagnosed, things have gotten much better. Just knowing about it was a real relief and let me start building habits to deal with it more effectively. Later on, stimulants and meditation have both helped even more. [1]: https://smile.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=driven+to+distraction&qid=1604850669&sr=8-3 https://smile.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recogniz...
- viburnum 6y ago
  ADHD is spectacularly badly named. You can have it and be the opposite of hyperactive! You can be too attentive! It’s being able to control your attention that’s the problem.

by hi41 6y ago

malux85 6y ago

Practice focus with gradually increasing duration. Eliminate distractions through willpower (or configuration if you must). Deliberate, spaced, repetition of focus duration. There are no quick fixes.

tikhonj 6y ago
Deliberate and repeated practice is a great idea, but in my experience trying to use "willpower" to focus is actively counter-productive. Instead, I've found that practicing mindfulness meditation and "letting go" of thoughts when I notice my mind wandering works far better. I've been using Headspace[1] as an introduction to meditation and it only took a few weeks of regular meditation, working up from 5 minutes a day to 20, for me to feel a real difference. I didn't know what to expect going in—I was a bit skeptical of the whole idea, to be honest—but I'm glad I stuck with it. [1]: https://www.headspace.com/ https://www.headspace.com/

bitdizzy 6y ago

You might have AD(H)D. It is underdiagnosed in adults. CBT can help many cases by practicing focus and attentiveness.

tikhonj 6y ago

Yes, absolutely! I would talk to people, have my mind wander a bit then have to guess what they just said. 99% of the time I was really good at guessing, but it led to some awkward situations. In my case, it turned out to be undiagnosed ADHD. In fact, "Do you have trouble focusing on conversations you're having?" is one of the regular screening questions psychologists use for it. When my therapist first suggested I might have ADHD, I actually didn't believe her. It took a bunch of reading about ADHD to change my mind; in hindsight, my understanding of ADHD—based on popular culture—was pretty far from reality. Doing a bit of research and reading about ADHD from the perspective of people who had it (as opposed to the perspective of, say, teachers dealing with ADHD students) really helped. I found Driven to Distraction[1] a particularly good overview, with a lot of insights and stories that resonated with me 100%. Since getting diagnosed, things have gotten much better. Just knowing about it was a real relief and let me start building habits to deal with it more effectively. Later on, stimulants and meditation have both helped even more. [1]: https://smile.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=driven+to+distraction&qid=1604850669&sr=8-3 https://smile.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recogniz...

viburnum 6y ago
ADHD is spectacularly badly named. You can have it and be the opposite of hyperactive! You can be too attentive! It’s being able to control your attention that’s the problem.