5 ms·

I would love to hear an expert's (free!) suggestions on how we can improve our copy on decisionero. I believe very strongly that, especially on the web, short

by bkovitz 18y ago

I would love to hear an expert's (free!) suggestions on how we can improve our copy on decisionero. I believe very strongly that, especially on the web, short copy that gets the message across is crucial--and short copy is the hardest to write. Our current home page is the one I'm currently most eager for suggestions about, particularly the two paras at the bottom: http://decisionero.com http://decisionero.com There are two other pages that present our message in a little more detail: http://decisionero.com/decisionero/about http://decisionero.com/decisionero/about http://decisionero.com/decisionero/origin http://decisionero.com/decisionero/origin If you'd like to post here to HN to demonstrate your style of analysis and feedback for others to see, please feel free. Or, if you prefer, email me at bkovitz "at" acm "dot" org.

Alex3917 18y ago
Your service would be really cool if you structured it around the research that has gone into best practices for decision making. For example, James Surowiecki's book the wisdom of crowds is all about improving the decision making process.
- bkovitz 18y ago
  Thanks! I just ordered The Wisdom of Crowds on Amazon--been meaning to read it for a long time now, and needed a push. The core idea of decisionero is based on methods like The Six Thinking Hats, the Creative Problem-Solving Institute's six-step method, SWOT analysis, and other structured methods--and, of course, personal experience seeing the structured approach work in person. Can someone recommend other particularly useful decision-making research? decisionero is not about heavily mathematical approaches, like the simplex method to optimize a decision. It's about collaboration, where people combine their knowledge and insight. There must be plenty of research about that.
  - Alex3917 18y ago
    There are a bunch of models that come from Organization Behavior. For example, the rational decision-making model that you are probably familiar with: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_Decision-Making_Model http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_Decision-Making_Model In addition, there are also wicked problems, which require entirely different problem solving models: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wicked_problem http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wicked_problem Here is a visualization of one model for solving Wicked Problems: http://www.idiagram.com/CP/cpprocess.html http://www.idiagram.com/CP/cpprocess.html I would definitely pick up the book Wicked Problems and Social Complexity that they cite. I haven't read it myself, but the first chapter is online for free in a PDF and it is pretty good. I can't really justify paying to buy it out of print, but you should since it's your area of business (assuming you find the first chapter useful). The obvious thing to do is to have some sort of tool that matches the problem people are trying to solve to the best problem solving model for that type of problem, and then to force them to decide within the constraints of that model. If you can do that then you may have a pretty lucrative business on your hands.
petercooper 18y ago
Your page is selling features, not benefits. Are you specifically aiming at a technical sort of user who understands exactly what a wiki is, or do you want to reach people who want to make decisions full-stop? This is hardly a full rewrite since I really don't know what your product is. But just as a taster, your two key paragraphs could be simplified and made a lot punchier, like so: Making group decisions is hard, with many opinions and choices to consider. With everyone talking at once, how can you make a decision? Decisionero makes group decision making easy. A simple framework is provided within which to structure information and opinions, ensuring that your group acts with more insight than any one person. With a central store for information and opinions, misunderstandings can become a thing of the past. I'd strongly suggest, however, putting together a list of both product features and benefits and then distil them into an easily scannable bullet-point list for your front page. Oh, and you totally need a screenshot on there. Even a bad one beats nothing.
- urlwolf 18y ago
  I think your idea is great and I'd like to get your advice on my copy too. But! Is it just me, or are the above two paragraphs too salesy? Group decision making is hard, and I don't think a web service would make it easy overnight. Misunderstandings will never be a thing of the past. Pitching should not involve large blanket statements. I'm missing exactly how this web app will do it. In a paragraph. And if possible, why the idea is so compelling that I need to move my team to this service. So I'm missing how and why. The two above paragraphs sound like blowing hot air to me. This doesn't mean that I don't trust your copywriting ability. Maybe my intuitions are wrong and lay people go gaga with the above write-up.
  - petercooper 18y ago
    I haven't used the product and, like you, I don't really know what it does, so I had to write in a very generalist way. The key to really good copywriting is a back-to-front familiarity with the product or service you're writing about. If you don't have that, you're just making minor improvements to match a certain sound, rather than actually writing something that can push a product's marketing a long way forward.

by bkovitz 18y ago

Alex3917 18y ago

Your service would be really cool if you structured it around the research that has gone into best practices for decision making. For example, James Surowiecki's book the wisdom of crowds is all about improving the decision making process.

bkovitz 18y ago
Thanks! I just ordered The Wisdom of Crowds on Amazon--been meaning to read it for a long time now, and needed a push. The core idea of decisionero is based on methods like The Six Thinking Hats, the Creative Problem-Solving Institute's six-step method, SWOT analysis, and other structured methods--and, of course, personal experience seeing the structured approach work in person. Can someone recommend other particularly useful decision-making research? decisionero is not about heavily mathematical approaches, like the simplex method to optimize a decision. It's about collaboration, where people combine their knowledge and insight. There must be plenty of research about that.
- Alex3917 18y ago
  There are a bunch of models that come from Organization Behavior. For example, the rational decision-making model that you are probably familiar with: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_Decision-Making_Model http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_Decision-Making_Model In addition, there are also wicked problems, which require entirely different problem solving models: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wicked_problem http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wicked_problem Here is a visualization of one model for solving Wicked Problems: http://www.idiagram.com/CP/cpprocess.html http://www.idiagram.com/CP/cpprocess.html I would definitely pick up the book Wicked Problems and Social Complexity that they cite. I haven't read it myself, but the first chapter is online for free in a PDF and it is pretty good. I can't really justify paying to buy it out of print, but you should since it's your area of business (assuming you find the first chapter useful). The obvious thing to do is to have some sort of tool that matches the problem people are trying to solve to the best problem solving model for that type of problem, and then to force them to decide within the constraints of that model. If you can do that then you may have a pretty lucrative business on your hands.

petercooper 18y ago

Your page is selling features, not benefits. Are you specifically aiming at a technical sort of user who understands exactly what a wiki is, or do you want to reach people who want to make decisions full-stop? This is hardly a full rewrite since I really don't know what your product is. But just as a taster, your two key paragraphs could be simplified and made a lot punchier, like so: Making group decisions is hard, with many opinions and choices to consider. With everyone talking at once, how can you make a decision? Decisionero makes group decision making easy. A simple framework is provided within which to structure information and opinions, ensuring that your group acts with more insight than any one person. With a central store for information and opinions, misunderstandings can become a thing of the past. I'd strongly suggest, however, putting together a list of both product features and benefits and then distil them into an easily scannable bullet-point list for your front page. Oh, and you totally need a screenshot on there. Even a bad one beats nothing.

urlwolf 18y ago
I think your idea is great and I'd like to get your advice on my copy too. But! Is it just me, or are the above two paragraphs too salesy? Group decision making is hard, and I don't think a web service would make it easy overnight. Misunderstandings will never be a thing of the past. Pitching should not involve large blanket statements. I'm missing exactly how this web app will do it. In a paragraph. And if possible, why the idea is so compelling that I need to move my team to this service. So I'm missing how and why. The two above paragraphs sound like blowing hot air to me. This doesn't mean that I don't trust your copywriting ability. Maybe my intuitions are wrong and lay people go gaga with the above write-up.
- petercooper 18y ago
  I haven't used the product and, like you, I don't really know what it does, so I had to write in a very generalist way. The key to really good copywriting is a back-to-front familiarity with the product or service you're writing about. If you don't have that, you're just making minor improvements to match a certain sound, rather than actually writing something that can push a product's marketing a long way forward.