Or you can just ask the feds to keep you in a witness protection program which treats you and your family like royalty for 50 years. I don't know if it exists,

Or you can just ask the feds to keep you in a witness protection program which treats you and your family like royalty for 50 years. I don't know if it exists, but it might. The USA government can easily launder 1 G$ in bitcoin and give you part of the profits; it's not clear who else could. The only alternative I can imagine is some giant money laundering scheme with some authoritarian state, probably involving the smuggling of oil, diamonds and/or weapons.