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Silence is the other successful approach. You make yourself an unappealing punching bag by not responding or taking it in a way the bully finds pleasurable. I p

Silence is the other successful approach. You make yourself an unappealing punching bag by not responding or taking it in a way the bully finds pleasurable. I personally found the fighting back approach unsuccessful for myself and I know others did too. It doesn’t work if watching you try and fight back is funny for the bullies. Seeing you flail about is a blast for them.

deleted 6y ago
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justinclift 6y ago
> Seeing you flail about is a blast for them. Maybe (?) the problem there was not having developed the skills to fight back effectively, before doing so. For myself, I was able to start training in martial arts (starting with a reasonable Taekwondo place) after I'd been bullied for a while. Personally, I was still a complete wimp for at least the first few years after I started training. But at some point (maybe 3-4 years into training?) I did the "snap" thing and had the skills + physique for it to be effective. Plus I wasn't stupid enough to "snap" in a public place where I'd be caught. Maybe the other important thing is learning to pick your opportune moment(s) for pay back. ;)
- User23 6y ago
  Middle school isn't the octagon. Granted knowing how to throw a punch or kick with decent technique helps, but what's really important is having the attitude of being willing to inflict harm on another human being. And it sounds like that was what limited GP's courses of action. Also of course GP could have been skipped grades or otherwise been much punier than the other students, in which case the amount of training one could get by that age would likely be irrelevant anyhow. In that case the correct strategy is to make friends. Middle school really is a remarkable distillation of human tribal behaviors.
Agentlien 6y ago
I tried ignoring all the bullies and not encouraging them. That's what all the adults said to do. I tried already before I was six. Kept trying until I was sixteen. It never worked. It only got worse. I ignored them, they pushed me down a flight of stairs and then beat me when I was trying to catch myself. I didn't respond to them trying to pick a fight, they swept my legs so my head hit the stone floor and then sat on top of me hitting me. Luckily, at sixteen I started upper secondary school and got away from the problem children. It was a technology programme and people were there because they'd actually chosen it. But it took years before I could be at least a bit less withdrawn and socially awkward.
Fnoord 6y ago
Ignoring/silence sounds good on paper, but it generally doesn't work with persistent bullies. They notice your reaction e.g. facial expression. Even if you just twitch or blink. It fuels them. If you physically fight back, you need to do it effectively. Perhaps follow some martial arts lessons. My partner got bullied by one person (very hard), and practiced kickboxing. Yet when they got in a fight, she got blamed. All the, literally years, of bullying be damned. That's a blow in face from adults who are supposed to protect you, and it hurts.

deleted 6y ago

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justinclift 6y ago

> Seeing you flail about is a blast for them. Maybe (?) the problem there was not having developed the skills to fight back effectively, before doing so. For myself, I was able to start training in martial arts (starting with a reasonable Taekwondo place) after I'd been bullied for a while. Personally, I was still a complete wimp for at least the first few years after I started training. But at some point (maybe 3-4 years into training?) I did the "snap" thing and had the skills + physique for it to be effective. Plus I wasn't stupid enough to "snap" in a public place where I'd be caught. Maybe the other important thing is learning to pick your opportune moment(s) for pay back. ;)

User23 6y ago
Middle school isn't the octagon. Granted knowing how to throw a punch or kick with decent technique helps, but what's really important is having the attitude of being willing to inflict harm on another human being. And it sounds like that was what limited GP's courses of action. Also of course GP could have been skipped grades or otherwise been much punier than the other students, in which case the amount of training one could get by that age would likely be irrelevant anyhow. In that case the correct strategy is to make friends. Middle school really is a remarkable distillation of human tribal behaviors.

Agentlien 6y ago

I tried ignoring all the bullies and not encouraging them. That's what all the adults said to do. I tried already before I was six. Kept trying until I was sixteen. It never worked. It only got worse. I ignored them, they pushed me down a flight of stairs and then beat me when I was trying to catch myself. I didn't respond to them trying to pick a fight, they swept my legs so my head hit the stone floor and then sat on top of me hitting me. Luckily, at sixteen I started upper secondary school and got away from the problem children. It was a technology programme and people were there because they'd actually chosen it. But it took years before I could be at least a bit less withdrawn and socially awkward.

Fnoord 6y ago

Ignoring/silence sounds good on paper, but it generally doesn't work with persistent bullies. They notice your reaction e.g. facial expression. Even if you just twitch or blink. It fuels them. If you physically fight back, you need to do it effectively. Perhaps follow some martial arts lessons. My partner got bullied by one person (very hard), and practiced kickboxing. Yet when they got in a fight, she got blamed. All the, literally years, of bullying be damned. That's a blow in face from adults who are supposed to protect you, and it hurts.