4 ms·

Time and place, my dude. You might as well start picketing outside of the man's wake. It's rude to trample on the emotions of people who are mourning together.

klyrs 6y ago
Nah. Airing of grievances is a perfectly legitimate form of grief. When my (very popular, publicly beloved, but privately abusive) dad died, I didn't speak my mind at his funeral because of attitudes like yours. People with an incomplete understanding of his person wanted to censor my experiences in order to relish in the good times. My grief process would require several years of counseling. They were there for a party, and most of them experienced a day or less of grief. The truth is complex. The weirdest reaction to "cancel culture" is people who would censor the truth in favor of fantasy, but complain that their fave artist is the one being censored.
- ljm 6y ago
  Erasing history in any form isn't great, really. Which is why I was quite specific in the original reply about acknowledging _all_ of it, not just specific bits. I mean, you can still say that someone was an asshole about a few things but you still loved them. Other people can say they didn't love him at all and have nothing positive to say. They're intimate feelings. It's not the same as going to someone who is grieving and celebrating and saying, don't forget that he did X, Y and Z though! Where X, Y and Z are hideous things. It's not a place to start trying to change people's minds about someone. That'll happen all by itself over time, as we can see with people such as Mother Theresa and Jimmy Saville. My parents were similar in having one public appearance, but being abusive to me in private. I cut contact so I don't imagine or expect to be at any family funeral, so I can't say how I'd react. But I know they would be appreciated by others in a way that I could never be.
mlthoughts2018 6y ago
Nah, sorry, that is no excuse. He made these decisions. This is the legacy he intended, with his own volition. If you do something like go on national press and unapologetically endorse spousal abuse (which absolutely invites and encourages other abusers and leads to real harm), and you double down on this and never apologize or retract it, then you absolutely deserve for it to be constantly brought up as a defining event in your life. “Let’s honor someone who did something despicable just cuz that’s “respectful” and we like his movies” is totally not OK.
- Panoramix 6y ago
  We're honoring the fantastic actor, not his poor advice. You try to paint him as a monster but he was happily married for 40 years, not a small feat.
  - mlthoughts2018 6y ago
    What a bad thing to do.

klyrs 6y ago

Nah. Airing of grievances is a perfectly legitimate form of grief. When my (very popular, publicly beloved, but privately abusive) dad died, I didn't speak my mind at his funeral because of attitudes like yours. People with an incomplete understanding of his person wanted to censor my experiences in order to relish in the good times. My grief process would require several years of counseling. They were there for a party, and most of them experienced a day or less of grief. The truth is complex. The weirdest reaction to "cancel culture" is people who would censor the truth in favor of fantasy, but complain that their fave artist is the one being censored.

ljm 6y ago
Erasing history in any form isn't great, really. Which is why I was quite specific in the original reply about acknowledging _all_ of it, not just specific bits. I mean, you can still say that someone was an asshole about a few things but you still loved them. Other people can say they didn't love him at all and have nothing positive to say. They're intimate feelings. It's not the same as going to someone who is grieving and celebrating and saying, don't forget that he did X, Y and Z though! Where X, Y and Z are hideous things. It's not a place to start trying to change people's minds about someone. That'll happen all by itself over time, as we can see with people such as Mother Theresa and Jimmy Saville. My parents were similar in having one public appearance, but being abusive to me in private. I cut contact so I don't imagine or expect to be at any family funeral, so I can't say how I'd react. But I know they would be appreciated by others in a way that I could never be.

mlthoughts2018 6y ago

Nah, sorry, that is no excuse. He made these decisions. This is the legacy he intended, with his own volition. If you do something like go on national press and unapologetically endorse spousal abuse (which absolutely invites and encourages other abusers and leads to real harm), and you double down on this and never apologize or retract it, then you absolutely deserve for it to be constantly brought up as a defining event in your life. “Let’s honor someone who did something despicable just cuz that’s “respectful” and we like his movies” is totally not OK.

Panoramix 6y ago
We're honoring the fantastic actor, not his poor advice. You try to paint him as a monster but he was happily married for 40 years, not a small feat.
- mlthoughts2018 6y ago
  What a bad thing to do.