I appreciate the candor and I definitely appreciate the empathy at the top. I have never once felt good about an outburst of intense sadness, crying and panic.

I appreciate the candor and I definitely appreciate the empathy at the top. I have never once felt good about an outburst of intense sadness, crying and panic. The effect it has on those near me is devastating and something I try to minimize as much as possible. We've all had a talk of some form to just not engage with me and know that I'm not myself. This also limits my motivation to make new friends as I don't want that burden for anybody. I suspect my vagueness isn't helping, but to be clear I have never had any sort of outburst incident in the actual workplace. I'm a _very_ non-violent person (never even been in a fight) and prefer logic to emotion when I'm not too overwhelmed. I've been "fired" (it was a contract to hire position so it's totally fair) once for issues related to depression. As for the suggestions, I think before I was able to do that I would need to tell my employer in some way about my mental health issues and I have never once felt comfortable doing that. There have been times when I could have opened up but didn't, and that's something I can work on I think. Do you really think that will go well? Just saying - "I'm so sorry but I'm dealing with some mental health issues and won't be able to attend today's meeting"? To be clear, this is something I've desperately wanted to be able to just have the _option_ to do because I very consistently get panic attacks during meetings. I'm quite good at hiding them but it's a deeply unpleasant experience. I've left to use the bathroom several times and people just wait for you to come back because they don't know you need to just not attend. I suspect the answer is "it depends". I've had bosses who definitely would've reacted better to this than others. The search continues. Thanks again.