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> as my mental/emotional issues can, and perhaps will, make me a poor decision maker and even (irrationally) emotionally abusive at times. This resonates with

> as my mental/emotional issues can, and perhaps will, make me a poor decision maker and even (irrationally) emotionally abusive at times. This resonates with me, and it's taken a ton of work on my part. I have compassion and empathy, but real talk, it is of utmost importance that you get this very specific thing in check. As an employee, that's legitimate grounds for termination; as a new employer, it's a lawsuit that will end your business. Learn your triggers, and learn your triggered behaviors. In my life... that happened over the course of 20 years of failed romantic rationships; seeing harmful behaviors in my partners and doing hard self-reflection to identify those behaviors in myself. Maybe you'll have better luck in counseling. Maybe not? Progress is hard; setbacks are easy. Once you can recognize that you're about to do harm, you can pull yourself away. Take a mental health day. Work on something else. Avoid that co-worker, but be explicit about it: "hey, I can't do this right now, can we come back to it tomorrow?". Be vague but open about mental health issues -- saying the words "mental health" is great to establish why you're stepping back; going into detail about your challenge in the moment is never a good idea, in my experience.

ShamelessC 6y ago
I appreciate the candor and I definitely appreciate the empathy at the top. I have never once felt good about an outburst of intense sadness, crying and panic. The effect it has on those near me is devastating and something I try to minimize as much as possible. We've all had a talk of some form to just not engage with me and know that I'm not myself. This also limits my motivation to make new friends as I don't want that burden for anybody. I suspect my vagueness isn't helping, but to be clear I have never had any sort of outburst incident in the actual workplace. I'm a _very_ non-violent person (never even been in a fight) and prefer logic to emotion when I'm not too overwhelmed. I've been "fired" (it was a contract to hire position so it's totally fair) once for issues related to depression. As for the suggestions, I think before I was able to do that I would need to tell my employer in some way about my mental health issues and I have never once felt comfortable doing that. There have been times when I could have opened up but didn't, and that's something I can work on I think. Do you really think that will go well? Just saying - "I'm so sorry but I'm dealing with some mental health issues and won't be able to attend today's meeting"? To be clear, this is something I've desperately wanted to be able to just have the _option_ to do because I very consistently get panic attacks during meetings. I'm quite good at hiding them but it's a deeply unpleasant experience. I've left to use the bathroom several times and people just wait for you to come back because they don't know you need to just not attend. I suspect the answer is "it depends". I've had bosses who definitely would've reacted better to this than others. The search continues. Thanks again.

ShamelessC 6y ago

I appreciate the candor and I definitely appreciate the empathy at the top. I have never once felt good about an outburst of intense sadness, crying and panic. The effect it has on those near me is devastating and something I try to minimize as much as possible. We've all had a talk of some form to just not engage with me and know that I'm not myself. This also limits my motivation to make new friends as I don't want that burden for anybody. I suspect my vagueness isn't helping, but to be clear I have never had any sort of outburst incident in the actual workplace. I'm a _very_ non-violent person (never even been in a fight) and prefer logic to emotion when I'm not too overwhelmed. I've been "fired" (it was a contract to hire position so it's totally fair) once for issues related to depression. As for the suggestions, I think before I was able to do that I would need to tell my employer in some way about my mental health issues and I have never once felt comfortable doing that. There have been times when I could have opened up but didn't, and that's something I can work on I think. Do you really think that will go well? Just saying - "I'm so sorry but I'm dealing with some mental health issues and won't be able to attend today's meeting"? To be clear, this is something I've desperately wanted to be able to just have the _option_ to do because I very consistently get panic attacks during meetings. I'm quite good at hiding them but it's a deeply unpleasant experience. I've left to use the bathroom several times and people just wait for you to come back because they don't know you need to just not attend. I suspect the answer is "it depends". I've had bosses who definitely would've reacted better to this than others. The search continues. Thanks again.