I have a screwed up neck. WHen I had surgery for a different part of my body I had to be awake while they "put the tube in". You are on an operating table with

I have a screwed up neck. WHen I had surgery for a different part of my body I had to be awake while they "put the tube in". You are on an operating table with an anesthetic in your throat, your arms are restrained, then these masked (which would seem more normal now, I guess) and gowned figures start forcing tube down your throat while you try to "swallow it" and breath through your nose... there's a point where you can't breath. As soon as it is in place and you feel like you are going to suffocate they hit you with the general anesthetic and it's light out. You wake up (no time has passed for you) and your throat is sore. I had nightmares about it for months after (initially, whenever I closed my eyes). The drugs they give you in the hospital help somewhat but once home, look out. I can't imagine what it would be like to wake up in an ICU with that tube still in. I know eventually I will need another operation and I sometimes realize this will all happen again. I am trying to learn to live with this and realizing without the operations I will die, etc. Also, that so many people are dealing with so many worse things.