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> People claim to want complete honesty from their partner or spouse, but I have found they aren’t always happy when they get it, especially when that honesty i

> People claim to want complete honesty from their partner or spouse, but I have found they aren’t always happy when they get it, especially when that honesty is coming from a sociopath. I’ve seen many people use this as an excuse to not be honest. But, the value in the honesty isn’t happiness. It’s trust, integrity, respect, and allowing the other person to make choices with all the facts. It’s in letting go of the burden of lies. It’s showing vulnerability and weakness. It’s in being honest with yourself, which you must be, in order to be honest with your partner.

fossuser 6y ago
I’ve learned some people can’t be honest because they’re unable to verbalize or understand their emotional state even to themselves. Often this comes across as deep insecurity, and ironically it can sometimes be easier for someone else to understand it from the outside (or at least see it for what it is). In my experience people who aren’t able to express or introspect on their emotional state to both themselves and others make for difficult romantic partners, and can cause a lot of damage long term when raising children.
Barrin92 6y ago
Honesty in itself is a very complicated topic. One can also overshoot in an attempt to be ('brutally', common qualifier) honest. There's situations that are simply ambiguous, contradictory, and where honesty is more an attempt to defuse or clarify than well, actually honest. For example there are a lot of people who always attempt to be honest, and then tend to hand out advice to people without really knowing what the other person is actually about. I think there's a reason lying or at least omitting things exists and it's not just being a coward, it can also be legitimate deferral and in a way humility, I can't assume that I always have all the facts and simply opine on an issue.
k__ 6y ago
How you say things matters and "saying how it is" doesn't mean you have to be an asshole about it.

fossuser 6y ago

I’ve learned some people can’t be honest because they’re unable to verbalize or understand their emotional state even to themselves. Often this comes across as deep insecurity, and ironically it can sometimes be easier for someone else to understand it from the outside (or at least see it for what it is). In my experience people who aren’t able to express or introspect on their emotional state to both themselves and others make for difficult romantic partners, and can cause a lot of damage long term when raising children.

Barrin92 6y ago

Honesty in itself is a very complicated topic. One can also overshoot in an attempt to be ('brutally', common qualifier) honest. There's situations that are simply ambiguous, contradictory, and where honesty is more an attempt to defuse or clarify than well, actually honest. For example there are a lot of people who always attempt to be honest, and then tend to hand out advice to people without really knowing what the other person is actually about. I think there's a reason lying or at least omitting things exists and it's not just being a coward, it can also be legitimate deferral and in a way humility, I can't assume that I always have all the facts and simply opine on an issue.

k__ 6y ago

How you say things matters and "saying how it is" doesn't mean you have to be an asshole about it.