First of all, you should be congratulated for showing up and doing the job despite everything. Many people can't show up. That does not make you the better per

First of all, you should be congratulated for showing up and doing the job despite everything. Many people can't show up. That does not make you the better person, but it means you're doing it, you're surviving. Second, there is an absence of purpose that would propel you to make a change. You like the technical stuff, but you struggle with the political. This could be resolved a number of different ways: 1. Disconnect. Do what it takes to get away from society, even if it risks some safety for you and loved ones. This is a thing of degrees. Your comfort zone right now, as an employee, is to be attached to power, as software is recognized as a lever of power and the software industry has been nourished to that end with layers of gatekeeping and legitimacy. That's why the politics get ratcheted up to a degree that you would not encounter if you were lifting bales of hay all day. So you should recognize that the social situation you are in is actually quite intense and not "normal" by nature. 2. Develop your own kingdom. That is, allow yourself a space where you call the shots. This is, too, a thing of degrees. Some people indulge in community-building as a hobby. Others shoot for the moon and take on whatever debt is needed to gain billionaire grade power. A third group finds speculative angles that let them place studied bets without being visible figures or getting their hands dirty. My personal preference is epistemic power: building loose affiliations through the study of various topics. Becoming someone who is often consulted is a stone's throw from being a professional consultant. 3. Create the future through the present. The legacy you build for yourself comes mostly through everyday actions. If you allow yourself some time to pursue something regularly - a side project, new skills, etc. - you will continue to develop as a person, and therefore the job won't wear you out as much. It's not doing it for one day or one week that is the issue you really face, but with the idea that this is decades of your life. You need to know who you really are to be able to ask for what you want, and it's quite likely that you don't know yourself well enough yet.