11 ms·
Dating is horrible in the Bay Area unless you grew up in the Bay or don’t work in tech. If you’re an outsider you’re considered a gentrifying techie so you alr
by almost_usual 6y ago
Dating is horrible in the Bay Area unless you grew up in the Bay or don’t work in tech.
If you’re an outsider you’re considered a gentrifying techie so you already eliminated mostly anyone who is from the Bay. So now you have to date other outsiders and guess what, most of them work in tech. Most people who work in tech are male.
- whimsicalism 6y agoPsh I don't think that's true. I think you will have trouble if you basically match every single other tech person in every attribute - ie. if you lean really hard into the stereotypes.
- deleted 6y ago[deleted]
- Kalium 6y agoIt's not as true as it's talked up to be, but there is definitely an "Eww, techies" sentiment found among a non-trivial chunk of those that identify as "natives". You run into it a few times and you learn to spot some of the early warning signs.
- whimsicalism 6y agoI find that building solidarity around the distortionary/gentrifying effects of the tech boom, to at least show that you are cognizant of the problems people are facing goes a long, long way.
- Kalium 6y agoI stopped trying that after it was turned into a series of direct and personal accusations of how I am the evil techie gentrifier. My experience has been the opposite of yours - showing awareness comes with the expectation that you accept blame. Your mileage may vary.
- scollet 6y agoTech worker majority in SVBA have a choice to live 2 hours outside of the metro. Everyone else typically does not. The expectation is apt.
- Kalium 6y agoPersonally, I'm not big on accepting personal blame for fifty years of bad urban planning decisions made by other people, almost entirely before I could vote. But I understand that that's not a helpful, satisfactory, or emotionally resonant response to someone looking for an enemy to accuse of wrecking everything they hold dear. Certainly not when they have someone who represents all those evils right before them. I've learned to cut such people off immediately. Nothing good can come of attempting to offer sympathy, solidarity, or compassion to someone who views you as a mustache-twirling cartoon villain.
- dyingkneepad 6y agoIf I ever move to SF, I will print these words you wrote on a business card and hand to people when appropriate.
- borroka 6y agoIt depends how good looking the techie is
- almost_usual 6y agoMight be true for dating in the short term but not the long term. Once you start meeting family and lifelong friends there’s a good chance peer pressure causes the relationship to splinter. There’s a “you’ll never be one of us” sentiment.
- borroka 6y agoIt happened to me exactly once (and the sample size is big enough) that a date was turned off by me being in tech. It happens. And it happens much more frequently when being in tech is part of your identity, like being actively in politics, or saving the oceans. A strong proposal is likely to cause a strong reaction, sometimes negative. But while I understand why being "political" may be part of someone's identity, I am more skeptical it is needed for a techie to have "tech" as part of their identity.