> but I didn't particularly try correcting people If you did try, and they refused, what would that say about them? If they'd rather lose their job than use y

> but I didn't particularly try correcting people If you did try, and they refused, what would that say about them? If they'd rather lose their job than use you by your correct pronoun, what would that say about who they are as a person, and how they're willing to treat others? > Are pronouns special in some way that other aspects of identity are not? Special in a way that your skill at CS is not? Absolutely. Much like your name. > I've certainly been in situations where people with minimal CS skills seeking to solve CS-related problems refused to listen to my proposals or acknowledge my expertise, and this stung Yeah, I do believe that would sting. Now imagine that it wasn't just someone refusing to listen, but instead the subject of legal battles—the state government of North Carolina legally refused to admit that you're Good At CS. Billionaire authors write essays about the fact that you're Bad At CS. The fact that you are Bad At CS would be the butt of jokes, and shocking news stories designed to make people afraid of you. Those would probably all sting, too. > More generally, what do other people's beliefs about me have to do with my existence? Others' beliefs about you? Nothing. Now, if people spend time and energy in an effort to enshrine their beliefs about you into law—say, legally dictating that you're Bad At CS (to continue with your earlier example), then finding a CS job would be pretty difficult. You say that you're Good At CS, but you'd be given no opportunity to demonstrate it, or to counter others' false beliefs about your CS skills. > What benefit do I gain from being legally married? What part of it do I lose if s/marriage/civil partnership/g is run on the legal code, and I am now in a civil partnership as far as the law is concerned? If I don't lose anything, why should I be miserable? At this point, I'm not even sure how to talk to you. Are you asking me to explain why people care about the symbol and the institution of marriage? I guess, if you have any married friend or family members, ask them what their marriage means to them.