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Part of becoming an adult is learning how to (be able to) do what you want. It's not an easy transition, from one of having your identity and goals shaped by o

by rconti 6y ago

Part of becoming an adult is learning how to (be able to) do what you want. It's not an easy transition, from one of having your identity and goals shaped by others (family), and being released into a world where you define your own identity and goals. Maybe you'll be happy with your achievement graduating from a good college, and use that education to do satisfactory work and earn a satisfactory living, and pursue your passions and hobbies. Maybe you'll never be satisfied and will continue to work your way up the ladder, and die as a CEO working all day every day at 80. Neither one is 'wrong', but it's up to you to define what you want and what makes you happy. And not just choosing things that will make you happy, but choosing to be happy with your choices. You might envy the F/G engineer in a lie-flat bed. You might even be right (I flew business class internationally once, it was amazing). But still, they have a choice -- are they happy with what their striving has gotten them, or are they staying up the whole flight working on the next project to achieve the next promotion that they imagine will bring fleeting happiness, until they choose a new goal, making them again unhappy with the promotion they just achieved?

agumonkey 6y ago
Another part is also realizing that society is a very mild and highly relativistic compromise minefield and not to pay too much attention to how things work.
heroHACK17 6y ago
I have been struggling with this lately. I notice that wanting to be "successful" gives me anxiety. Success is not well defined; it's a subjective term. Instead, I try to be "excellent" - be better at thing X today than I was yesterday.
Swizec 6y ago
> Part of becoming an adult is learning how to (be able to) do what you want. I fear this isn't the case for lots of people these days. They go from being defined by school straight to being defined by their boss. You need a period of independence. A time to discover who you are and what you want. A time where you aren't just chasing external validation. The earlier the better. And as always, be like Tim, Tim doesn't give a shit. https://personalexcellence.co/files/tim-doesnt-give-a-shit.png https://personalexcellence.co/files/tim-doesnt-give-a-shit.p...
deleted 6y ago
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Scalestein 6y ago
The challenge I've found is finding the balance between professional ambition and personal hobby/passions. I've recently lost much of my professional ambition and now feel a bit more of the competition aspect. I'm clocking out at 5pm and ignoring after hours requests and anything that would impeded on my personal time. However I know there are so many of my peers who are putting in that extra effort and when it comes to review time they'll be preferred over me. It seem difficult to find a job where I'm not expected to be 'striving'. Where I can get in a position and just say "i'm good here" and simply maintain my position.
- deleted 6y ago
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- arbitrary_name 6y ago
  great question - I'm in that position myself. Prior to covid, one of my hobbies really took over and became all I wanted to do. I scaled back my ambitions at work and basically have taken steps to put myself in 'auto-pilot' roles where I can meet/barely exceed expectations while focusing on my hobby. Now I have a ton of flexibility to pursue my passion (at least for now) while still getting great feedback from my leads. A key part of achieving that was 1) Being honest with myself about what I wanted and the sacrifices it entailed, such as slower promotion or salary growth 2) Showing my employer that I am committed to doing well and performing - but with an expectation that they respect my priorities and accommodate them. 3) Demonstrating that allowing me to prioritize my passions actually makes me better at my job - I am happy, relaxed and focused when I come to work - and that 35 hours a week of happy me is better than 45 hours of cranky, unsatisfied me.

by rconti 6y ago

agumonkey 6y ago

Another part is also realizing that society is a very mild and highly relativistic compromise minefield and not to pay too much attention to how things work.

heroHACK17 6y ago

I have been struggling with this lately. I notice that wanting to be "successful" gives me anxiety. Success is not well defined; it's a subjective term. Instead, I try to be "excellent" - be better at thing X today than I was yesterday.

Swizec 6y ago

> Part of becoming an adult is learning how to (be able to) do what you want. I fear this isn't the case for lots of people these days. They go from being defined by school straight to being defined by their boss. You need a period of independence. A time to discover who you are and what you want. A time where you aren't just chasing external validation. The earlier the better. And as always, be like Tim, Tim doesn't give a shit. https://personalexcellence.co/files/tim-doesnt-give-a-shit.png https://personalexcellence.co/files/tim-doesnt-give-a-shit.p...

deleted 6y ago

[deleted]

Scalestein 6y ago

The challenge I've found is finding the balance between professional ambition and personal hobby/passions. I've recently lost much of my professional ambition and now feel a bit more of the competition aspect. I'm clocking out at 5pm and ignoring after hours requests and anything that would impeded on my personal time. However I know there are so many of my peers who are putting in that extra effort and when it comes to review time they'll be preferred over me. It seem difficult to find a job where I'm not expected to be 'striving'. Where I can get in a position and just say "i'm good here" and simply maintain my position.

deleted 6y ago
[deleted]
arbitrary_name 6y ago
great question - I'm in that position myself. Prior to covid, one of my hobbies really took over and became all I wanted to do. I scaled back my ambitions at work and basically have taken steps to put myself in 'auto-pilot' roles where I can meet/barely exceed expectations while focusing on my hobby. Now I have a ton of flexibility to pursue my passion (at least for now) while still getting great feedback from my leads. A key part of achieving that was 1) Being honest with myself about what I wanted and the sacrifices it entailed, such as slower promotion or salary growth 2) Showing my employer that I am committed to doing well and performing - but with an expectation that they respect my priorities and accommodate them. 3) Demonstrating that allowing me to prioritize my passions actually makes me better at my job - I am happy, relaxed and focused when I come to work - and that 35 hours a week of happy me is better than 45 hours of cranky, unsatisfied me.