4 ms·

Fair point, fair point. It wasn't thought through. Sorry. But it leads to the question of why it matters - should it? If we treat all equally, should it matter

Fair point, fair point. It wasn't thought through. Sorry. But it leads to the question of why it matters - should it? If we treat all equally, should it matter? I don't see myself as female, but neither a 'man', as I don't much relate to common cultural depictions of men, which I find distasteful. I am what I am, names won't change that so I don't care. Why do you? BTW I know a few trans people and I suspect most of them would roll their eyes at this excessive care not to offend anyone with wrong pronouns. They expect people to get it right but it's no disaster if someone got it wrong. None of them are snowflakes. Consideration towards trans people needs more basic considerations such as not being called a freak on public transport (this happened to a tgirl I know).

DoreenMichele 6y ago
But it leads to the question of why it matters - should it? In theory, it shouldn't. In practice, it does. People who think I am male speak to me differently than when they know I am a woman. Since I am trying to establish an adequate income, my experience is that if people have an issue with me being a woman, it's better for that to be sorted before they interact with me, not after. If someone is willing to meet me in person, thinks I'm male and then meets me and sees I'm a woman, that's likely to go badly. I don't want to waste my time on that, much less risk facing potential drama because of it. The reality is it ends up mattering whether I want it to matter or not. So I try to make it the least drama I can arrange given the tools available to me. I find that a quiet heads up is better than trying to hide my gender and is also better than putting people on the spot and correcting them in "public" and in a way that will make them feel attacked for simply not knowing.
- throwaway_pdp09 6y ago
  > In theory, it shouldn't. In practice, it does If this is a problem, it needs tackling much more than the facile overlay of pronouns. Now, just from my experience, and I'm just reporting... > speak to me differently than when they know I am a woman This has never happened to me. Always been treated equally either way. Maybe I've been lucky. > ...and then meets me and sees I'm a woman I have the occasional reverse happen. It has never, ever, caused any problem. Which does not invalidate your experience, I'm just giving mine.
  - DoreenMichele 6y ago
    I do a lot more to tackle the issue than providing my pronouns. I don't have them in my HN profile. I do have them in my Reddit and Twitter profiles. Part of the reason is I've been on HN eleven years and there is abundant opportunity for people to discover my gender organically in comments here. Different tools are appropriate in different situations.

DoreenMichele 6y ago

But it leads to the question of why it matters - should it? In theory, it shouldn't. In practice, it does. People who think I am male speak to me differently than when they know I am a woman. Since I am trying to establish an adequate income, my experience is that if people have an issue with me being a woman, it's better for that to be sorted before they interact with me, not after. If someone is willing to meet me in person, thinks I'm male and then meets me and sees I'm a woman, that's likely to go badly. I don't want to waste my time on that, much less risk facing potential drama because of it. The reality is it ends up mattering whether I want it to matter or not. So I try to make it the least drama I can arrange given the tools available to me. I find that a quiet heads up is better than trying to hide my gender and is also better than putting people on the spot and correcting them in "public" and in a way that will make them feel attacked for simply not knowing.

throwaway_pdp09 6y ago
> In theory, it shouldn't. In practice, it does If this is a problem, it needs tackling much more than the facile overlay of pronouns. Now, just from my experience, and I'm just reporting... > speak to me differently than when they know I am a woman This has never happened to me. Always been treated equally either way. Maybe I've been lucky. > ...and then meets me and sees I'm a woman I have the occasional reverse happen. It has never, ever, caused any problem. Which does not invalidate your experience, I'm just giving mine.
- DoreenMichele 6y ago
  I do a lot more to tackle the issue than providing my pronouns. I don't have them in my HN profile. I do have them in my Reddit and Twitter profiles. Part of the reason is I've been on HN eleven years and there is abundant opportunity for people to discover my gender organically in comments here. Different tools are appropriate in different situations.