8 ms·

I had the pleasure to spend a few years with an incredibly creative family, in all domains (family unit consisted of nobel prize winner, renowned academics, awa

I had the pleasure to spend a few years with an incredibly creative family, in all domains (family unit consisted of nobel prize winner, renowned academics, award winning authors, artists), and the one thing which always stood out to me was how they had such a deep culture of rewarding curiosity, thinking, and exploration. I have no idea how conscious it was on the family's part, but it seemed like everyone in that family ALWAYS had a creative project that they were thinking about, talking about, and was celebrated by all in the family. It could be the dad talking about some data he was cleaning, or the younger kids about some new comic character they were developing, etc. It was clear that there was absolutely NO judgement as to what everyone's endeavor was, but that being a creative person and exploring and thinking was table stakes to being part of that family. I don't know what the answer is, but I think if you manage to cultivate that kind of culture in your household, everything else will come easier, because above all, it seemed like they all had JOY in doing all of this. I could easily see how it could become a chore and even a burden, but somehow those parents really managed to lose sight of having everyone see thinking and exploring as primarily a fun thing to do, and it seems to have stuck.

tmaly 6y ago
I agree, I think there is something important about cultivating curiosity. This whole question got started in my mind after recently reading the book A Mathematician's Lament. The comparison in the book is along the lines of memorizing methods and facts verse exploring ideas with the mind. It's this idea of pursuing anything interesting just for the sake of it.
- animationwill 6y ago
  I've watched several lectures on the subject. Teaching isn't learning, and some of the best teachers rather motivate children to learn on their own through internal or external motivation Could you elaborate on the insight you learned from "A mathematican's lament"?
  - tmaly 6y ago
    What I took away from A Mathematican's Lament ties back to 2001 after the dotcom boom. I made an acquaintance with a retired math professor. We had some long discussions about education. He had stated he kept his kids out of school as long as he could. It was his view that much of the structure of the public education taught your child not to think. His son eventually went on to get a PHD in theoretical physics if is any reflection on his methods. The book itself is more focused on math, but the general idea not quite different from education in general: "So how do we teach our students to do mathematics? By choosing engaging and natural problems suitable to their tastes, personalities, and levels of experience. By giving them time to make discoveries and formulate conjectures. By helping them to refine their arguments and creating an atmosphere of healthy and vibrant mathematical criticism. By being flexible and open to sudden changes in the direction to which their curiosity may lead. In short, by having an honest intellectual relationship with our students and our subject."
glitchc 6y ago
Wow that's lovely. How does one work around the stresses of daily life to replicate that?
- ChicagoBoy11 6y ago
  Certainly beats me, but I think it helped that for both parents this WAS really their source of income (teaching and writing), and that they had gotten to the point that doing this stuff was also their way to cope with the stress of daily life. Like, with cooking, everyone was involved, or when they'd watch a movie, it was a family affair with a healthy amount of commentary or analysis. It's hard to explain, but its as if everyone was always "thinking", and they all had fun doing it. And it may also sound almost obnoxious by just describing it this way, but it truly felt almost joyous around them. It's like they made it super fun to ask questions, think about things, explore creative endeavors...
  - alienfilesystem 6y ago
    I would have to submit that family's situation is rare. My dad did what he could to help me, bought me computers, subscriptions to Creative Computing magazine (I'm dating myself here, read early 80s) and letting me be me. My mother was not academic in any way. She was HS educated in the rural south and didn't contribute to my academics in any way. My father had a MSc in engineering and designed flight systems. He was always gone, sadly, so I had to sort out things myself. With my own children, I read to them, have them read to me, and allow them to pursue their own interests, which as kids under 10, are admittedly not too many or technical, although they are wanting to learn Raspberry Pi stuff. I tend to walk them through their own questions, such as having them analyze potential outcomes. At the same time, I don't want to be a helicopter parent. They play outside, largely by themselves since we live in the county. I do keep on eye on them, but they tend to build things out of wood or look for frogs and lizards. We have agreed they want to build a small-scale replica of a fire lookout tower and they will help choose parts and assist in building. One of them already wants to be in Forestry and has for the last few years. I guess my answer is to allow myself to see our comings and goings as projects that we all enjoy and help them learn along the way.
simplegeek 6y ago
That's valuable, thanks for sharing. I would also be very interested in knowing more about how the parents of those noble-prize winners, renowned academics, and award winning authors raised them :)
jaequery 6y ago
If the kids were indeed happy and were go-getters, then it appears the parents have raised their kids to take control of what they want to do instead of the other way around. I just started reading a book that talked about that, called "The self-driven child", and the main message of what the book is trying to say is, give your kids "control". Instead of telling them to do this or that, provide them choices and let them decide for themselves. And let them feel confident and not worry about failing. Honestly, I'm still going through the book and curious to see how we can apply to our kids.
- nja 6y ago
  > give your kids "control". Instead of telling them to do this or that, provide them choices and let them decide for themselves. And let them feel confident and not worry about failing. This is great, but the _last part_ is so important. A lot of parents try to follow this path, but they end up providing the kids only with false choices. Think "do you want to do your chores or play outside?" where the only answer the parent will actually accept is "do your chores". This is ultimately still parents telling their kids what to do, but framed as though the parents were _helping_ the kids. Children faced with these sorts of questions can grow up always seeking validation, always trying to pick "the right answer" -- leading to failure avoidance, lack of confidence, etc. This can lead to an adult who cannot make choices for themselves (everyone knows people who are always paralyzed by decision-making). Works great for training kids to do well in school, though, since school follows a similar pattern of always having one "correct" answer...
- clairity 6y ago
  i did this (gave control) with my rescued dog, who was 3 when i got her 2 years ago, and exhibited a variety of induced fears and anxieties which initially meant that she was constantly looking to me for permission, assurance, and validation, because her previous pack leader(s) were apparently capricious and menacing. out in the world, she's a relative independent creature free to explore and make decisions (it's my job to be patient and supportive, but not overly so). of course i steer her away from sitatuions that are certain to overwhelm her, exposing her to them a little at a time so she eventually learns to handle them herself without otherwise damaging regression to her self-assurance. exposure to small risks, and overcoming them, allows her to build that confidence herself, with minimal intervention on my part. she's had a few (minor) mishaps, but she's also grown quite a bit in her self-confidence and trust (especially at home, where the relative confinement manifested in near constant anxiety behaviors before). she's learned how to approach other dogs, and the social etiquette therein, able to disengage with (usually fearful) aggressors on her own without my intervention. she's learning that not every large human is a danger to her, but that cars (and roads) are. she knows squirrels and pigeons are fun to chase, but not cats (she lives with a feline sister who's friendly and kind, but still has claws). it's how animals develop self-sufficiency in the wild, including us if we weren't so obscured by domestication.
ChuckMcM 6y ago
In my experience (raising my own children and being engaged with a bunch of parents at the same stage of child rearing) I observed that all of the children were very aware that there were things they didn't know. What is more they wanted to know things and that desire expressed itself as questions and curiosity. As a family we have had two activities that have really bound us together, one is my wife's insistence that we always had dinner together, and camping. We also had a used copy of the World Book encyclopedia in a bookshelf near the dinner table, as a series of the Time-Life books on various topics, as well as various popular desktop references like the Scientific American Science Desk Reference. At dinner we would talk about things. All sorts of things. And when we wanted details of a thing we would look it up in the encyclopedia and read aloud from it to share that knowledge. Anything could trigger a wide ranging conversation, from why to police officers give people tickets to people crossing the street to why are there parrots living in Sunnyvale, to how do cellular phones work. And model both learning new things as well has how to find things in available sources. We are fortunate to live within walking distance of the library so the kids could check out a wide variety of books. My wife would often "auction off" the last tasty thing (generally one of her rolls which are super yummy) with an open ended question, best answer wins the treat. Camping was sort of like dinner++ in that there are things to do while camping, like hiking and fishing and whittling different shapes out of sticks, but there was also a lot of time to just talk about things without the distraction of phones or computers or day to day things. All of those things to feed curiosity, provide the time to explore the questions and answers, and try to understand things about the world around us. For our family this worked out well. I don't know if it would work for every family of course. Feeding curiosity is something my parents did and I simply modeled it to my children.
- xyproto 6y ago
  This sounds wholesome and nice. How often do you camp, and approximatly how far do you walk?
  - ChuckMcM 6y ago
    At the peak we were camping at least once a month. We opted to home school our kids for the elementary - middle school years (they went to public high school) and that allowed us some freedoms like spending a week in Yellowstone working on geology lessons, biology (wildlife) lessons, as well as general life lessons. I am extremely grateful we had a chance to do that. Walking is something I started doing when I began focusing on my health and where I'd be if I didn't do something. These days I walk about 7 - 8 miles a day but being semi-retired helps there. Another friend of mine and I found we can spend our time walking and talking on conference calls very effectively to 'double use' the time.
klenwell 6y ago
I just watched The Royal Tenenbaums again. (It's available for free right now on Amazon Prime!) This sounds like the fairy tale version of that. Probably doesn't make for great cinema. But I imagine a lot of people here would have loved to have grown up in a family like that. I think I would have. Then again I asked to be excused from the honors program in elementary school because it conflicted with PE. (Begged to get back in once I hit junior high and got my first taste of an ordinary junior high English class.) Royal Tenanbaums trailer just because I love this movie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caMgokYWboU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caMgokYWboU
ismail 6y ago
This answer is gold. I came to respond but this answer hits the proverbial nail on the head. You do not teach a kid to think, you provide and environment that allows them to. They will learn to do this on their own.

tmaly 6y ago

I agree, I think there is something important about cultivating curiosity. This whole question got started in my mind after recently reading the book A Mathematician's Lament. The comparison in the book is along the lines of memorizing methods and facts verse exploring ideas with the mind. It's this idea of pursuing anything interesting just for the sake of it.

animationwill 6y ago
I've watched several lectures on the subject. Teaching isn't learning, and some of the best teachers rather motivate children to learn on their own through internal or external motivation Could you elaborate on the insight you learned from "A mathematican's lament"?
- tmaly 6y ago
  What I took away from A Mathematican's Lament ties back to 2001 after the dotcom boom. I made an acquaintance with a retired math professor. We had some long discussions about education. He had stated he kept his kids out of school as long as he could. It was his view that much of the structure of the public education taught your child not to think. His son eventually went on to get a PHD in theoretical physics if is any reflection on his methods. The book itself is more focused on math, but the general idea not quite different from education in general: "So how do we teach our students to do mathematics? By choosing engaging and natural problems suitable to their tastes, personalities, and levels of experience. By giving them time to make discoveries and formulate conjectures. By helping them to refine their arguments and creating an atmosphere of healthy and vibrant mathematical criticism. By being flexible and open to sudden changes in the direction to which their curiosity may lead. In short, by having an honest intellectual relationship with our students and our subject."

glitchc 6y ago

Wow that's lovely. How does one work around the stresses of daily life to replicate that?

ChicagoBoy11 6y ago
Certainly beats me, but I think it helped that for both parents this WAS really their source of income (teaching and writing), and that they had gotten to the point that doing this stuff was also their way to cope with the stress of daily life. Like, with cooking, everyone was involved, or when they'd watch a movie, it was a family affair with a healthy amount of commentary or analysis. It's hard to explain, but its as if everyone was always "thinking", and they all had fun doing it. And it may also sound almost obnoxious by just describing it this way, but it truly felt almost joyous around them. It's like they made it super fun to ask questions, think about things, explore creative endeavors...
- alienfilesystem 6y ago
  I would have to submit that family's situation is rare. My dad did what he could to help me, bought me computers, subscriptions to Creative Computing magazine (I'm dating myself here, read early 80s) and letting me be me. My mother was not academic in any way. She was HS educated in the rural south and didn't contribute to my academics in any way. My father had a MSc in engineering and designed flight systems. He was always gone, sadly, so I had to sort out things myself. With my own children, I read to them, have them read to me, and allow them to pursue their own interests, which as kids under 10, are admittedly not too many or technical, although they are wanting to learn Raspberry Pi stuff. I tend to walk them through their own questions, such as having them analyze potential outcomes. At the same time, I don't want to be a helicopter parent. They play outside, largely by themselves since we live in the county. I do keep on eye on them, but they tend to build things out of wood or look for frogs and lizards. We have agreed they want to build a small-scale replica of a fire lookout tower and they will help choose parts and assist in building. One of them already wants to be in Forestry and has for the last few years. I guess my answer is to allow myself to see our comings and goings as projects that we all enjoy and help them learn along the way.

simplegeek 6y ago

That's valuable, thanks for sharing. I would also be very interested in knowing more about how the parents of those noble-prize winners, renowned academics, and award winning authors raised them :)

jaequery 6y ago

If the kids were indeed happy and were go-getters, then it appears the parents have raised their kids to take control of what they want to do instead of the other way around. I just started reading a book that talked about that, called "The self-driven child", and the main message of what the book is trying to say is, give your kids "control". Instead of telling them to do this or that, provide them choices and let them decide for themselves. And let them feel confident and not worry about failing. Honestly, I'm still going through the book and curious to see how we can apply to our kids.

nja 6y ago
> give your kids "control". Instead of telling them to do this or that, provide them choices and let them decide for themselves. And let them feel confident and not worry about failing. This is great, but the _last part_ is so important. A lot of parents try to follow this path, but they end up providing the kids only with false choices. Think "do you want to do your chores or play outside?" where the only answer the parent will actually accept is "do your chores". This is ultimately still parents telling their kids what to do, but framed as though the parents were _helping_ the kids. Children faced with these sorts of questions can grow up always seeking validation, always trying to pick "the right answer" -- leading to failure avoidance, lack of confidence, etc. This can lead to an adult who cannot make choices for themselves (everyone knows people who are always paralyzed by decision-making). Works great for training kids to do well in school, though, since school follows a similar pattern of always having one "correct" answer...
clairity 6y ago
i did this (gave control) with my rescued dog, who was 3 when i got her 2 years ago, and exhibited a variety of induced fears and anxieties which initially meant that she was constantly looking to me for permission, assurance, and validation, because her previous pack leader(s) were apparently capricious and menacing. out in the world, she's a relative independent creature free to explore and make decisions (it's my job to be patient and supportive, but not overly so). of course i steer her away from sitatuions that are certain to overwhelm her, exposing her to them a little at a time so she eventually learns to handle them herself without otherwise damaging regression to her self-assurance. exposure to small risks, and overcoming them, allows her to build that confidence herself, with minimal intervention on my part. she's had a few (minor) mishaps, but she's also grown quite a bit in her self-confidence and trust (especially at home, where the relative confinement manifested in near constant anxiety behaviors before). she's learned how to approach other dogs, and the social etiquette therein, able to disengage with (usually fearful) aggressors on her own without my intervention. she's learning that not every large human is a danger to her, but that cars (and roads) are. she knows squirrels and pigeons are fun to chase, but not cats (she lives with a feline sister who's friendly and kind, but still has claws). it's how animals develop self-sufficiency in the wild, including us if we weren't so obscured by domestication.

ChuckMcM 6y ago

In my experience (raising my own children and being engaged with a bunch of parents at the same stage of child rearing) I observed that all of the children were very aware that there were things they didn't know. What is more they wanted to know things and that desire expressed itself as questions and curiosity. As a family we have had two activities that have really bound us together, one is my wife's insistence that we always had dinner together, and camping. We also had a used copy of the World Book encyclopedia in a bookshelf near the dinner table, as a series of the Time-Life books on various topics, as well as various popular desktop references like the Scientific American Science Desk Reference. At dinner we would talk about things. All sorts of things. And when we wanted details of a thing we would look it up in the encyclopedia and read aloud from it to share that knowledge. Anything could trigger a wide ranging conversation, from why to police officers give people tickets to people crossing the street to why are there parrots living in Sunnyvale, to how do cellular phones work. And model both learning new things as well has how to find things in available sources. We are fortunate to live within walking distance of the library so the kids could check out a wide variety of books. My wife would often "auction off" the last tasty thing (generally one of her rolls which are super yummy) with an open ended question, best answer wins the treat. Camping was sort of like dinner++ in that there are things to do while camping, like hiking and fishing and whittling different shapes out of sticks, but there was also a lot of time to just talk about things without the distraction of phones or computers or day to day things. All of those things to feed curiosity, provide the time to explore the questions and answers, and try to understand things about the world around us. For our family this worked out well. I don't know if it would work for every family of course. Feeding curiosity is something my parents did and I simply modeled it to my children.

xyproto 6y ago
This sounds wholesome and nice. How often do you camp, and approximatly how far do you walk?
- ChuckMcM 6y ago
  At the peak we were camping at least once a month. We opted to home school our kids for the elementary - middle school years (they went to public high school) and that allowed us some freedoms like spending a week in Yellowstone working on geology lessons, biology (wildlife) lessons, as well as general life lessons. I am extremely grateful we had a chance to do that. Walking is something I started doing when I began focusing on my health and where I'd be if I didn't do something. These days I walk about 7 - 8 miles a day but being semi-retired helps there. Another friend of mine and I found we can spend our time walking and talking on conference calls very effectively to 'double use' the time.

klenwell 6y ago

I just watched The Royal Tenenbaums again. (It's available for free right now on Amazon Prime!) This sounds like the fairy tale version of that. Probably doesn't make for great cinema. But I imagine a lot of people here would have loved to have grown up in a family like that. I think I would have. Then again I asked to be excused from the honors program in elementary school because it conflicted with PE. (Begged to get back in once I hit junior high and got my first taste of an ordinary junior high English class.) Royal Tenanbaums trailer just because I love this movie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caMgokYWboU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caMgokYWboU

ismail 6y ago

This answer is gold. I came to respond but this answer hits the proverbial nail on the head. You do not teach a kid to think, you provide and environment that allows them to. They will learn to do this on their own.