4 ms·

While this is great advice, it doesn't solve OPs problem of worrying about offending someone. The larger problem is an offended person can do a lot of damage.

While this is great advice, it doesn't solve OPs problem of worrying about offending someone. The larger problem is an offended person can do a lot of damage. In extreme cases, offended people have SWATted their targets causing all sorts of physical damage and emotional distress. Personally, I don't want to worry about getting SWATted because some nobody from my high-school disagreed with my Facebook post. So I'm not going to post anything on Facebook.

reaperducer 6y ago
it doesn't solve OPs problem of worrying about offending someone The solution is to not worry about them. If they don't like it, too bad. They're not worth knowing. There are plenty of high-quality people and friendships to be made in the world. We don't need to cling to low-grade friendships just because they're people we already know. In extreme cases, offended people have SWATted their targets causing all sorts of physical damage and emotional distress You can't live your life worrying about what someone else "might" do.
- sethammons 6y ago
  When that person works at your work and has influence, you do get to worry about what someone might do if they interpret you wrong.
  - gamblor956 6y ago
    I guess the bigger question is why are you friends on facebook with someone you're not friends with in real life if that person has the power to negatively influence your career?
    - sethammons 6y ago
      it extends past facebook. Tweets, community slacks, etc. It is just a re-hashing of what we were told when the internet was young: things you say and do there can stick with you and haunt you later. At the time, we thought that meant nude selfies or drunk pics. Turns out it can be anything that puts you out of the purity spiral and can come back and bite you.
- chasd00 6y ago
  offended people have an extremely disproportionate power. An offended female HS student can completely destroy the career and livelihood of a male teacher in a few keystrokes.
  - lilactown 6y ago
    Disproportionate power _compared to whom_? To take your example: on any given day, if I'm a female HS student interacting with a male teacher, the power differential is hugely in his favor. The teacher can fundamentally change the course of my life by limiting my ability to take more advanced courses and/or what colleges I can get into. They can humiliate me in front of my peers. They could simply make it impossible for me to learn and engage with material that could be important to my future success. The fact that a female student has the ability to speak out about being abused _does_ upset that power imbalance, but it would be a mistake to claim that it gives her _more_ power than the teacher. Either way, power should be wielded with good judgement, and there are certainly consequences on both for using it (and abusing it).
formerly_proven 6y ago
Worrying about offending people is like trying to make something idiot-proof. It's impossible, in part because there are simply a bunch of malicious people who want to be offended to use it as a weapon or pretense against someone they don't like for whatever reason (or worse, "just because").
tboyd47 6y ago
I definitely know that nobody on my Facebook would ever SWAT me. I just don't like to trigger people. People carry a lot of hidden emotional baggage with them these days with trip wires in various topics of discussion. Something about Facebook/Twitter makes it easier to step on those. Or, maybe it's me; maybe something about FB/Twitter makes me post outlandish things without realizing it. I'm with you on this - it's not worth trying to "solve" it when I can just not post on Facebook. I think it's kind of like the difference between e-sports and real sports. Real sports and e-sports share their competitive nature, but real sports have the endorphins that balance that out with positivity. Online discussion can be antagonistic just like real discussion, but real discussion often has non-verbal cues, food, relaxing atmosphere, small talk, jokes, etc. that balance that out.
- reaperducer 6y ago
  People carry a lot of hidden emotional baggage with them these days Not any more than in days past. People just don't deal with it well anymore. Possibly because they missed out on three formerly common phrases when they were growing up: "Too bad," "Who Cares?" and "Get over it."
  - pjc50 6y ago
    Ah yes, I remember the era of: "I'm gay" "Well, now you have to get out of the house and never see your parents again. Too bad. Get over it. Oh and there's a pandemic on with a high fatality rate for gay people. Who cares?" The amazing thing about those phrases is how many situations they don't work for. Berlin Wall? Who cares. 9/11? Get over it. Uighur detention? Too bad.

reaperducer 6y ago

it doesn't solve OPs problem of worrying about offending someone The solution is to not worry about them. If they don't like it, too bad. They're not worth knowing. There are plenty of high-quality people and friendships to be made in the world. We don't need to cling to low-grade friendships just because they're people we already know. In extreme cases, offended people have SWATted their targets causing all sorts of physical damage and emotional distress You can't live your life worrying about what someone else "might" do.

sethammons 6y ago
When that person works at your work and has influence, you do get to worry about what someone might do if they interpret you wrong.
- gamblor956 6y ago
  I guess the bigger question is why are you friends on facebook with someone you're not friends with in real life if that person has the power to negatively influence your career?
  - sethammons 6y ago
    it extends past facebook. Tweets, community slacks, etc. It is just a re-hashing of what we were told when the internet was young: things you say and do there can stick with you and haunt you later. At the time, we thought that meant nude selfies or drunk pics. Turns out it can be anything that puts you out of the purity spiral and can come back and bite you.
chasd00 6y ago
offended people have an extremely disproportionate power. An offended female HS student can completely destroy the career and livelihood of a male teacher in a few keystrokes.
- lilactown 6y ago
  Disproportionate power _compared to whom_? To take your example: on any given day, if I'm a female HS student interacting with a male teacher, the power differential is hugely in his favor. The teacher can fundamentally change the course of my life by limiting my ability to take more advanced courses and/or what colleges I can get into. They can humiliate me in front of my peers. They could simply make it impossible for me to learn and engage with material that could be important to my future success. The fact that a female student has the ability to speak out about being abused _does_ upset that power imbalance, but it would be a mistake to claim that it gives her _more_ power than the teacher. Either way, power should be wielded with good judgement, and there are certainly consequences on both for using it (and abusing it).

formerly_proven 6y ago

Worrying about offending people is like trying to make something idiot-proof. It's impossible, in part because there are simply a bunch of malicious people who want to be offended to use it as a weapon or pretense against someone they don't like for whatever reason (or worse, "just because").

tboyd47 6y ago

I definitely know that nobody on my Facebook would ever SWAT me. I just don't like to trigger people. People carry a lot of hidden emotional baggage with them these days with trip wires in various topics of discussion. Something about Facebook/Twitter makes it easier to step on those. Or, maybe it's me; maybe something about FB/Twitter makes me post outlandish things without realizing it. I'm with you on this - it's not worth trying to "solve" it when I can just not post on Facebook. I think it's kind of like the difference between e-sports and real sports. Real sports and e-sports share their competitive nature, but real sports have the endorphins that balance that out with positivity. Online discussion can be antagonistic just like real discussion, but real discussion often has non-verbal cues, food, relaxing atmosphere, small talk, jokes, etc. that balance that out.

reaperducer 6y ago
People carry a lot of hidden emotional baggage with them these days Not any more than in days past. People just don't deal with it well anymore. Possibly because they missed out on three formerly common phrases when they were growing up: "Too bad," "Who Cares?" and "Get over it."
- pjc50 6y ago
  Ah yes, I remember the era of: "I'm gay" "Well, now you have to get out of the house and never see your parents again. Too bad. Get over it. Oh and there's a pandemic on with a high fatality rate for gay people. Who cares?" The amazing thing about those phrases is how many situations they don't work for. Berlin Wall? Who cares. 9/11? Get over it. Uighur detention? Too bad.