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I guess this could be good advice for manipulating status for short time periods (dating, job interviews, business meetings, etc.), but fortunately once it goes

I guess this could be good advice for manipulating status for short time periods (dating, job interviews, business meetings, etc.), but fortunately once it goes beyond that (relationships, careers, business deals, etc.) the status of everyone involved will settle down to the natural order of things.

michaelochurch 15y ago
What is social status based on? To a large extent, nothing. A lot of people are "famous for being famous", and every high school or college has that notorious "creepy guy" who did nothing wrong other than piss someone off his freshman year and get "a reputation". Status is self-perpetuating and often derived from itself rather than any "underlying" trait. If you're a 2, you probably have to practice being a 5 before you can be a King, but you can "fake it till you make it". The trick is to: (a) accurately assess the other person's "card", in terms of self-image, and (b) figure out what the person wants and expects from you. If he or she wants a mentor (+1) be that. If he or she wants an equal and friend (same) be that. If he or she wants a protege (-1) be that. Three points (using the 2-A card metaphor) in either direction will ruin the relationship. One exception: never go lower than a 6 or so. Also, in a group, err on the high side. If the group expects you to be the "alpha", be 1 point higher than the next highest person. If it expects and wants, someone else to be an "alpha", be 1 point lower than that person. The "one-point" rule is important because people generally think in relative terms. If someone is extremely powerful and arrogant and acts the part (King) and you become an Ace you are "crossing" him (literally, in the number-line status metaphor). That's usually bad. On the other hand, there's no harm in being a Queen rather than an 8 or a 2. You get more respect that way. Likewise, if someone is (in terms of self-image) a 7 and you come in as a King, you're just going to be overbearing.

michaelochurch 15y ago

What is social status based on? To a large extent, nothing. A lot of people are "famous for being famous", and every high school or college has that notorious "creepy guy" who did nothing wrong other than piss someone off his freshman year and get "a reputation". Status is self-perpetuating and often derived from itself rather than any "underlying" trait. If you're a 2, you probably have to practice being a 5 before you can be a King, but you can "fake it till you make it". The trick is to: (a) accurately assess the other person's "card", in terms of self-image, and (b) figure out what the person wants and expects from you. If he or she wants a mentor (+1) be that. If he or she wants an equal and friend (same) be that. If he or she wants a protege (-1) be that. Three points (using the 2-A card metaphor) in either direction will ruin the relationship. One exception: never go lower than a 6 or so. Also, in a group, err on the high side. If the group expects you to be the "alpha", be 1 point higher than the next highest person. If it expects and wants, someone else to be an "alpha", be 1 point lower than that person. The "one-point" rule is important because people generally think in relative terms. If someone is extremely powerful and arrogant and acts the part (King) and you become an Ace you are "crossing" him (literally, in the number-line status metaphor). That's usually bad. On the other hand, there's no harm in being a Queen rather than an 8 or a 2. You get more respect that way. Likewise, if someone is (in terms of self-image) a 7 and you come in as a King, you're just going to be overbearing.