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If you're single, dating. Especially online dating. Depending on you upbringing, this is similar to personal finance, where nobody really teaches you what to do

If you're single, dating. Especially online dating. Depending on you upbringing, this is similar to personal finance, where nobody really teaches you what to do, and there's a lot of "seduction" or "red pill" toxic nonsense out there. Dating is also a relatively recent modern construct, and it's a skill that doesn't come naturally. There's a certain etiquette to it that might vary from place to place and in time you're in. But generally, it's about keeping it simple to start out with, getting more adventurous as dates progress, and being assertive, organized, and clear in your communication, while trying to forge a genuine connection with someone. It can also equip you to handle other emotional rollercoasters you might encounter.

mailshanx 6y ago
Can you recommend any resources to learn this better?
- gotaran 6y ago
  I like Hinge's blog: http://hingeirl.com/ http://hingeirl.com/. It has some solid tips. Besides that, I haven't found anything else too useful and mostly learned by putting myself out there and making a ton of mistakes. That's not to say there might be some other useful material out there. I'd be weary of taking advice from reddit or similar communities. Most people who frequent those forums and give advice tend to be plagued with relationship problems themselves. Of course, dating in a Covid-19 world might be tricky, and it's not something I feel is worth the effort, though YMMV. (fwiw, I used to think the same about online dating, and I was completely wrong.)
john4532452 6y ago
I am skeptical of dismissing the "red pill" entirely. Feynman tested being jerk to get laid and it had worked for him. However he did not continue being jerk because he found it hard to be against his nature or he had moral dilemma about it. I forgot exactly why he stopped using the method
- gotaran 6y ago
  Gell-Mann seemed to insinuate that Feynman just made up most of his stories [1]. And even if they were true, he lived in a different era. Social norms have evolved considerably since then. Still, IME it's clear that gender dynamics are clearly in play today. Men tend to take the lead most of the time in heterosexual relationships. I feel most of it is still nurture and not nature; I heard in Europe gender roles are less prominent in dating vs. the US. By "red pill" or "seduction" advice, I meant snake oil silver bullet advice. There aren't any shortcuts. [1] https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/the-curious-wavefunction/richard-feynman-sexism-and-changing-perceptions-of-a-scientific-icon/ https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/the-curious-wavefunctio...

mailshanx 6y ago

Can you recommend any resources to learn this better?

gotaran 6y ago
I like Hinge's blog: http://hingeirl.com/ http://hingeirl.com/. It has some solid tips. Besides that, I haven't found anything else too useful and mostly learned by putting myself out there and making a ton of mistakes. That's not to say there might be some other useful material out there. I'd be weary of taking advice from reddit or similar communities. Most people who frequent those forums and give advice tend to be plagued with relationship problems themselves. Of course, dating in a Covid-19 world might be tricky, and it's not something I feel is worth the effort, though YMMV. (fwiw, I used to think the same about online dating, and I was completely wrong.)

john4532452 6y ago

I am skeptical of dismissing the "red pill" entirely. Feynman tested being jerk to get laid and it had worked for him. However he did not continue being jerk because he found it hard to be against his nature or he had moral dilemma about it. I forgot exactly why he stopped using the method

gotaran 6y ago
Gell-Mann seemed to insinuate that Feynman just made up most of his stories [1]. And even if they were true, he lived in a different era. Social norms have evolved considerably since then. Still, IME it's clear that gender dynamics are clearly in play today. Men tend to take the lead most of the time in heterosexual relationships. I feel most of it is still nurture and not nature; I heard in Europe gender roles are less prominent in dating vs. the US. By "red pill" or "seduction" advice, I meant snake oil silver bullet advice. There aren't any shortcuts. [1] https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/the-curious-wavefunction/richard-feynman-sexism-and-changing-perceptions-of-a-scientific-icon/ https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/the-curious-wavefunctio...