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My son (10) stutters. We thought we had gotten him help early enough so the problem would be "licked" just as so many others before him had done so but it helpe

My son (10) stutters. We thought we had gotten him help early enough so the problem would be "licked" just as so many others before him had done so but it helped some but the stuttering is still there. I don't know what else we could have done but this failure to help him cure his stuttering is one that left me feeling guilty and also angry (at no one in particular, just indiscriminate anger) and this spilled over into my marriage which is on its way to officially dissolving, sometime next year. Of course, it is a rich tapestry of reasons that has led my marriage's failure but the stuttering played its part.

dmitryminkovsky 6y ago
Much respect for the honestly, introspection I can only imagine it takes to write that, and thank you for the perspective. I stutter and there have been discrete times I’ve noticed my mom being embarrassed, ashamed of me for it. She’s always been a great parent and really supportive, but to be honesty I can’t blame her: it must be frustrating seeing this develop and take hold in your child and not being able to beat it. It’s a seriously complicated thing, so while I thought man that’s really petty of you mom, at the same time I understood how she must feel. Anyway, brutal it ruined your marriage. Sorry to hear that. I have a newborn son and it’s really something watching to see if he will inherit this. I think if he does, that’s ok: there’s a lot worse you can inherit, a lot worse. That’s the thing about stuttering, it’s all in your head and you tend to blow it out of proportion which only makes it worse than it is or could be. I hope to come to terms with this stuttering to some extent, but don’t feel guilty or bad about yourself if you don’t completely.
rdtsc 6y ago
I stutter too. It's was hard for both me and my parents. I know they always felt guilty, but it wasn't clear what they could have done differently. We tried therapy, and I think it was early enough too and it didn't make much of a difference initially. Please don't feel guilty. Thinking back, I think my stuttering got a bit better when my parents stopped correcting, or paying attention to it as much (at the advice of a therapist, I found out later). Kids have a very good knack for picking the emotional state of their parents. They may not be able to articulate their feelings, but they can tell if the parent feels guilty, sad, angry, anxious. At least for me anxiety made it a bit worse. Try to find friends and family members who would be accepting and understand and maybe that would help some. Forgive me if I sounded preachy or too direct, everyone is different of course, hope some of the advice helped. I wish you and your son all the best.

dmitryminkovsky 6y ago

Much respect for the honestly, introspection I can only imagine it takes to write that, and thank you for the perspective. I stutter and there have been discrete times I’ve noticed my mom being embarrassed, ashamed of me for it. She’s always been a great parent and really supportive, but to be honesty I can’t blame her: it must be frustrating seeing this develop and take hold in your child and not being able to beat it. It’s a seriously complicated thing, so while I thought man that’s really petty of you mom, at the same time I understood how she must feel. Anyway, brutal it ruined your marriage. Sorry to hear that. I have a newborn son and it’s really something watching to see if he will inherit this. I think if he does, that’s ok: there’s a lot worse you can inherit, a lot worse. That’s the thing about stuttering, it’s all in your head and you tend to blow it out of proportion which only makes it worse than it is or could be. I hope to come to terms with this stuttering to some extent, but don’t feel guilty or bad about yourself if you don’t completely.

rdtsc 6y ago

I stutter too. It's was hard for both me and my parents. I know they always felt guilty, but it wasn't clear what they could have done differently. We tried therapy, and I think it was early enough too and it didn't make much of a difference initially. Please don't feel guilty. Thinking back, I think my stuttering got a bit better when my parents stopped correcting, or paying attention to it as much (at the advice of a therapist, I found out later). Kids have a very good knack for picking the emotional state of their parents. They may not be able to articulate their feelings, but they can tell if the parent feels guilty, sad, angry, anxious. At least for me anxiety made it a bit worse. Try to find friends and family members who would be accepting and understand and maybe that would help some. Forgive me if I sounded preachy or too direct, everyone is different of course, hope some of the advice helped. I wish you and your son all the best.