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> My competitive streak and desire for material goods is in direct conflict with my wife's desires. I find it hard to believe that your wife would prefer you t

by RhysU 6y ago

> My competitive streak and desire for material goods is in direct conflict with my wife's desires. I find it hard to believe that your wife would prefer you to be a materially/economically poor individual who doesn't strive vs your peers. To each her own, of course. (I take no position on the GP's controversial theory. Just calling out that the implications of the parent's comment strike me as unintuitive.)

UncleMeat 6y ago
> I find it hard to believe that your wife would prefer you to be a materially/economically poor individual who doesn't strive vs your peers. Really? You've never heard of somebody who'd rather their spouse work shorter hours and spend more time with them at home? Or spend more time with their family? Or travel more with them?
- RhysU 6y ago
  My hunch: His wife likely still wants him to be capable of material success and competition. She just doesn't want him to prioritize those endeavors past some particular threshold. Said another way, one's spouse probably finds it attractive that one can get a new job if one loses the current one. Marriages often go to hell when the husband is out of work and it becomes obvious that he either cannot or will not return to the workforce. That is, when a husband becomes a materially poor individual who does not strive vs his peers.
  - UncleMeat 6y ago
    This is a nasty generalization at best, and terrible sexism at worst. Why do you think you know my wife better than me?
    - RhysU 6y ago
      What's sexist? I appreciate that my wife is employable and tries to do her best in competitions. That's why I said "spouse". The divorce thing is true for men specifically: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0003122416655340 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/000312241665534... What's nasty? Expecting that people generally value economic capability and competitive ambition in their life partners? And, true, I don't know your wife. That's why I said to each her own. Still, as a thought experiment, quit your job and watch TV for 24 months solid then tell me how it's going.
bovermyer 6y ago
Note I said material goods, not material wealth. She values stability and safety, not the acquisition of stuff.

by RhysU 6y ago

UncleMeat 6y ago

> I find it hard to believe that your wife would prefer you to be a materially/economically poor individual who doesn't strive vs your peers. Really? You've never heard of somebody who'd rather their spouse work shorter hours and spend more time with them at home? Or spend more time with their family? Or travel more with them?

RhysU 6y ago
My hunch: His wife likely still wants him to be capable of material success and competition. She just doesn't want him to prioritize those endeavors past some particular threshold. Said another way, one's spouse probably finds it attractive that one can get a new job if one loses the current one. Marriages often go to hell when the husband is out of work and it becomes obvious that he either cannot or will not return to the workforce. That is, when a husband becomes a materially poor individual who does not strive vs his peers.
- UncleMeat 6y ago
  This is a nasty generalization at best, and terrible sexism at worst. Why do you think you know my wife better than me?
  - RhysU 6y ago
    What's sexist? I appreciate that my wife is employable and tries to do her best in competitions. That's why I said "spouse". The divorce thing is true for men specifically: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0003122416655340 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/000312241665534... What's nasty? Expecting that people generally value economic capability and competitive ambition in their life partners? And, true, I don't know your wife. That's why I said to each her own. Still, as a thought experiment, quit your job and watch TV for 24 months solid then tell me how it's going.

bovermyer 6y ago

Note I said material goods, not material wealth. She values stability and safety, not the acquisition of stuff.