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Great comment. I would add that this ties in with goal setting, which is an activity where you set the priorities for your life. If it's fitness for example you

Great comment. I would add that this ties in with goal setting, which is an activity where you set the priorities for your life. If it's fitness for example you will skip the drinks and go to the gym instead. If it's money you will work on your business and so forth. You decided it's social connections, but it will be different for everyone. It's important to sit down and decide what we want out of life, imho.

Loughla 6y ago
>It's important to sit down and decide what we want out of life I always get my hair up with this kind of statement. How do your goals look? Because the only goals I have are: a) not be homeless, b) not have my family die, and c) figure out how to have someone give me ten million dollars so I can stop coming to work. People who have specific, 'work-ish' goals in their personal lives sort of weird me out. I don't know why. Something, something Maugham's The Razor's Edge.
- jasode 6y ago
  >How do your goals look? Because the only goals I have are: a) not be homeless, b) not have my family die, and c) [...] >People who have specific, 'work-ish' goals in their personal lives sort of weird me out. I'm genuinely confused as to what actually bothers you about "work-ish" goals. As another example, I used to have a boring (but very high paying) business consulting job. I hated getting on an airplane every single week to write another soul-crushing MS Word report and Powerpoint presentation. I absolutely had to get out of that type of work or I was going to go insane. Therefore, I used my free time to study web technologies and iOS/Android programming. My "goal" was to reinvent myself to do something else so I could switch to a more enjoyable job or create a startup. I'm forced to use my personal time because my day job had nothing to do with web/mobile technologies. To tie this back to the gp's comment, drinking beers after work with my colleagues at the business consulting job was not a good use of my personal time because it conflicted with how I wanted to change my life for the better. Using your framework of "not be homeless" and living with the constraint that I don't have a rich uncle to leave me with a $10 million inheritance... what "non-workish" goal should I pursue to build a better life? Or should I just let things "just happen" to me? EDIT to reply to: ">simple alternative: savings to take 12 months off without becoming homeless. Use the first six months to build the knowledge Proposing an alternative training schedule doesn't address the crux of the problem I was responding to. The gp is weirded out by people having "work-ish" goals in their personal lives. Therefore, me quitting my job for a year to train my self will still be labeled as having a "work-ish" goal in my free and personal time.
  - necovek 6y ago
    Your story gives out a quick and simple alternative: "with a high paying job", I would have expected you to have enough savings to take 12 months off without becoming homeless. Use the first six months to build the knowledge it would take you years on your "free time" instead, then try applying it and earning from it. If it fails and you need to accumulate more savings, go back to what you know you are good at for another stint before you try again. IOW, don't just let it happen, but just try doing it instead. (I fully understand that not everybody is in a position to do this, but you sound like you are.)
  - Loughla 6y ago
    >"work-ish" goals. I meant that not as goals related to work things - but instead, I meant that as in specific, actionable goals in your personal life. For example - "Before October 25th I will 'x' and Before November 3rd, I will 'x' and in the end I will see 'y' return for 'z' money by December 3rd" sort of formal, timelined and official goals. It's just weird to me to think about a strategic planning process for a home life, I guess. Does that make sense? I think you answered my question - your goals/sitting down and planning out your life are sort of what I do, in a way that I would argue is not super goal driven.
- _jal 6y ago
  Not the OP, but I tend to react this way, too. I get a mental picture of a 12 year old planning out their stepping-stone Senate campaign in exactly 23 years... But (unless monomania happens to work for you) that's not it at all. It is just the idea that having some sort of goal helps provide some mental priors you bring to every-day decision making. As an example, I have no issues to speak of with my body and eat pretty healthily by default. So I don't pay attention to what I eat, but I do try to not spend a ton of money on it, because I do have financial goals. Goals don't need to be some complicated 5 Year Plan or whatever. For me, they just end up being something in the back of my mind, a North Star for small-scale decisions.

Loughla 6y ago

>It's important to sit down and decide what we want out of life I always get my hair up with this kind of statement. How do your goals look? Because the only goals I have are: a) not be homeless, b) not have my family die, and c) figure out how to have someone give me ten million dollars so I can stop coming to work. People who have specific, 'work-ish' goals in their personal lives sort of weird me out. I don't know why. Something, something Maugham's The Razor's Edge.

jasode 6y ago
>How do your goals look? Because the only goals I have are: a) not be homeless, b) not have my family die, and c) [...] >People who have specific, 'work-ish' goals in their personal lives sort of weird me out. I'm genuinely confused as to what actually bothers you about "work-ish" goals. As another example, I used to have a boring (but very high paying) business consulting job. I hated getting on an airplane every single week to write another soul-crushing MS Word report and Powerpoint presentation. I absolutely had to get out of that type of work or I was going to go insane. Therefore, I used my free time to study web technologies and iOS/Android programming. My "goal" was to reinvent myself to do something else so I could switch to a more enjoyable job or create a startup. I'm forced to use my personal time because my day job had nothing to do with web/mobile technologies. To tie this back to the gp's comment, drinking beers after work with my colleagues at the business consulting job was not a good use of my personal time because it conflicted with how I wanted to change my life for the better. Using your framework of "not be homeless" and living with the constraint that I don't have a rich uncle to leave me with a $10 million inheritance... what "non-workish" goal should I pursue to build a better life? Or should I just let things "just happen" to me? EDIT to reply to: ">simple alternative: savings to take 12 months off without becoming homeless. Use the first six months to build the knowledge Proposing an alternative training schedule doesn't address the crux of the problem I was responding to. The gp is weirded out by people having "work-ish" goals in their personal lives. Therefore, me quitting my job for a year to train my self will still be labeled as having a "work-ish" goal in my free and personal time.
- necovek 6y ago
  Your story gives out a quick and simple alternative: "with a high paying job", I would have expected you to have enough savings to take 12 months off without becoming homeless. Use the first six months to build the knowledge it would take you years on your "free time" instead, then try applying it and earning from it. If it fails and you need to accumulate more savings, go back to what you know you are good at for another stint before you try again. IOW, don't just let it happen, but just try doing it instead. (I fully understand that not everybody is in a position to do this, but you sound like you are.)
- Loughla 6y ago
  >"work-ish" goals. I meant that not as goals related to work things - but instead, I meant that as in specific, actionable goals in your personal life. For example - "Before October 25th I will 'x' and Before November 3rd, I will 'x' and in the end I will see 'y' return for 'z' money by December 3rd" sort of formal, timelined and official goals. It's just weird to me to think about a strategic planning process for a home life, I guess. Does that make sense? I think you answered my question - your goals/sitting down and planning out your life are sort of what I do, in a way that I would argue is not super goal driven.
_jal 6y ago
Not the OP, but I tend to react this way, too. I get a mental picture of a 12 year old planning out their stepping-stone Senate campaign in exactly 23 years... But (unless monomania happens to work for you) that's not it at all. It is just the idea that having some sort of goal helps provide some mental priors you bring to every-day decision making. As an example, I have no issues to speak of with my body and eat pretty healthily by default. So I don't pay attention to what I eat, but I do try to not spend a ton of money on it, because I do have financial goals. Goals don't need to be some complicated 5 Year Plan or whatever. For me, they just end up being something in the back of my mind, a North Star for small-scale decisions.