6 ms·

First, you'll probably never think of yourself as old. You'll look in the mirror and wonder why 20 year old you has all this gray hair and wrinkles. Second, it

by jfoutz 6y ago

First, you'll probably never think of yourself as old. You'll look in the mirror and wonder why 20 year old you has all this gray hair and wrinkles. Second, it's ok to let things slide for a while, but the longer you let them slide, the tougher they are to fix (and if you wait too long, some things can't be fixed). See plenty of other comments about teeth, back, RSI, diet. If you decide to let something go for a while, pick a time to follow up on it, and reevaluate. Third, problems get bigger, stakes get higher. But you'll learn more tricks for coping with those problems. Sorta grim, but suicide rates by age climb till 50ish. around then you'll have (sorta) seen it all, there's not much that the world can throw at you that'll put you in a complete tailspin. I can't tell you how to live your life. I'd suggest, be true to yourself, be true to your ethics. If you don't know what those are yet, try to figure out who you are. When you're stuck in a stressful situation, at the end do you want to feel vindicated? do you want to have a great outcome for everyone? do you want to just leave it all behind? Do you want to just grit your teeth and get through it? Those all point to different values, and can help you figure out who you are. Some people age gracefully and some don't. some people get to make choices about that, and some don't. It's going to be ok. Everybody gets through their life one way or another.

Viliam1234 6y ago
> I'd suggest, be true to yourself, be true to your ethics. This. You will forget the people who hurt you. But you will remember the people you hurt. You will accept the things you tried and failed. But you will regret not trying. Going against your ethics will leave scars on your soul, and the reasons for doing so will seem so stupid in hindsight. But it takes some time to find your true ethics, and separate it from merely what other people say you should do.
- cercatrova 6y ago
  >You will forget the people who hurt you. But you will remember the people you hurt. Could you elaborate on this? It seems like the exact opposite to me, I would more likely remember someone who hurt me than someone I've hurt, which in most cases I wouldn't even know I hurt them.
  - Viliam1234 6y ago
    I meant only the things I am aware of. (And excluding the category of people who deserved it.) Simply said, if someone hurts me, it means the person is an asshole. If I hurt someone, it means I am an asshole. The latter fact is more important to me, because a) I care about myself more than about other people, and b) I will have to live with myself for every day of my life, while other people will come and go. Once I hurt a random bystander, because I wanted to fit with a group of cool kids, and they decided they didn't like his face. Yep. I am not the kind of person who does this often, and I would want so much to say that I am the kind of person who would never do it... but I lost the right to say those words since that day, irrevocably, forever. And what did I gain in return? Pretty much nothing. It didn't win me a group of cool friends, mostly because those kids soon stopped being friends with each other, and some even turned into bitter enemies. Using the wisdom of hindsight, many of them were a lousy friend material in the first place. A few years later, life took us in different directions, and I haven't seen them since. These days, finding and contacting them using social networks would be trivial, but I just don't care anymore. If I could turn back time and use the wisdom of hindsight, I wouldn't give a fuck about the cool kids, and would say "hello" to the stranger instead. And, who knows, there is a chance I would have found a good friend. -- But now, whenever I notice I betrayed my ideals again, I remember that day as the symbolic moment when I wandered off the path of righteousness. Compared to this, situations when other people hurt me seem less important, often didn't have long-lasting consequences, and sometimes even turned into something good! For example, a girlfriend cheated on me with my friend, and a few other mutual friends knew about this, but no one said a word to me. Then I got some evidence, and after connecting the dots I realized they all have been making fun of me for quite some time, making hints to each other I didn't understand. That hurt! So I broke contact with all of them, and drowned my sorrow in workaholism. A few years later, I had more money than most of my former friends combined. Then I burned out, so I decided to slow down and enjoy life again, made new friends (much better ones), and new girlfriends, and lived happily ever after. :) One day, I met my former friends, we had a beer in a pub, I watched them and listened to their stories, and realized they were a bunch of losers, and they unknowingly did me a great favor by preventing me from becoming one of them. Never met them again; don't care. Which of these stories was better, speaking from a completely selfish perspective? The one where I hurt someone, or the one where I got hurt? And this is the lesson about ethics that young people sometimes don't get. Ethics is not merely another bullshit that adults tell you as a part of their neverending attempts to manipulate you. Strong internal ethics is the thing that allows you to navigate through hard times, and then look in the mirror and feel good about yourself (and have a story where you are the good guy). Lack of ethics makes you weak, and tempts you to sacrifice parts of your soul for things that will feel worthless much sooner than you can imagine at the moment.
- obynio 6y ago
  > You will accept the things you tried and failed. But you will regret not trying. This. It's not the first time I hear this advice, and even though I'm only 24 years old, I try to live by that.
- scruple 6y ago
  > You will forget the people who hurt you. But you will remember the people you hurt. Maya Angelou said this very well once: > I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. I find this to be true and I also (try to) use it as a motivation to treat people better.
sanju2306 6y ago
How to build my ethics? Honest question, i have been clueless for a while.
- bernie_simon 6y ago
  Read the biographies of people you admire.
  - armeehn 6y ago
    I will agree that this is generally a good way to go, although in my experience there have been quite a few individuals that I end up no longer admiring.
- goatinaboat 6y ago
  How to build my ethics? Honest question, i have been clueless for a while. Do you mean "how to I choose an ethical system to follow" or "how do I develop the strength of character to make hard choices"?
- trykondev 6y ago
  This is something I worked on developing in my 20s. For me, what worked was finding an "ethical role model" -- someone who acts ethically and has a good sense of right & wrong -- and trying to model my choices based on what I thought that person would choose. Sometimes this would literally involve asking them "what do you think I should do?" and sometimes I'd just try to infer. My ethical role model was my younger brother, who is one of the best people I know, and is someone who always seemed to have a good sense of "you shouldn't do that" or "this is the right thing to do, even if it's hard". I committed to evaluating my decisions based on "what would my brother think of this" and I'm very proud to say that now, in my early 30s, I consider myself to be a very ethical person who does the right thing most of the time, even when it's inconvenient, and even when it's hard. I definitely could not have said that about myself a decade ago. No idea if that will work for others, but it definitely worked for me!

by jfoutz 6y ago

Viliam1234 6y ago

> I'd suggest, be true to yourself, be true to your ethics. This. You will forget the people who hurt you. But you will remember the people you hurt. You will accept the things you tried and failed. But you will regret not trying. Going against your ethics will leave scars on your soul, and the reasons for doing so will seem so stupid in hindsight. But it takes some time to find your true ethics, and separate it from merely what other people say you should do.

cercatrova 6y ago
>You will forget the people who hurt you. But you will remember the people you hurt. Could you elaborate on this? It seems like the exact opposite to me, I would more likely remember someone who hurt me than someone I've hurt, which in most cases I wouldn't even know I hurt them.
- Viliam1234 6y ago
  I meant only the things I am aware of. (And excluding the category of people who deserved it.) Simply said, if someone hurts me, it means the person is an asshole. If I hurt someone, it means I am an asshole. The latter fact is more important to me, because a) I care about myself more than about other people, and b) I will have to live with myself for every day of my life, while other people will come and go. Once I hurt a random bystander, because I wanted to fit with a group of cool kids, and they decided they didn't like his face. Yep. I am not the kind of person who does this often, and I would want so much to say that I am the kind of person who would never do it... but I lost the right to say those words since that day, irrevocably, forever. And what did I gain in return? Pretty much nothing. It didn't win me a group of cool friends, mostly because those kids soon stopped being friends with each other, and some even turned into bitter enemies. Using the wisdom of hindsight, many of them were a lousy friend material in the first place. A few years later, life took us in different directions, and I haven't seen them since. These days, finding and contacting them using social networks would be trivial, but I just don't care anymore. If I could turn back time and use the wisdom of hindsight, I wouldn't give a fuck about the cool kids, and would say "hello" to the stranger instead. And, who knows, there is a chance I would have found a good friend. -- But now, whenever I notice I betrayed my ideals again, I remember that day as the symbolic moment when I wandered off the path of righteousness. Compared to this, situations when other people hurt me seem less important, often didn't have long-lasting consequences, and sometimes even turned into something good! For example, a girlfriend cheated on me with my friend, and a few other mutual friends knew about this, but no one said a word to me. Then I got some evidence, and after connecting the dots I realized they all have been making fun of me for quite some time, making hints to each other I didn't understand. That hurt! So I broke contact with all of them, and drowned my sorrow in workaholism. A few years later, I had more money than most of my former friends combined. Then I burned out, so I decided to slow down and enjoy life again, made new friends (much better ones), and new girlfriends, and lived happily ever after. :) One day, I met my former friends, we had a beer in a pub, I watched them and listened to their stories, and realized they were a bunch of losers, and they unknowingly did me a great favor by preventing me from becoming one of them. Never met them again; don't care. Which of these stories was better, speaking from a completely selfish perspective? The one where I hurt someone, or the one where I got hurt? And this is the lesson about ethics that young people sometimes don't get. Ethics is not merely another bullshit that adults tell you as a part of their neverending attempts to manipulate you. Strong internal ethics is the thing that allows you to navigate through hard times, and then look in the mirror and feel good about yourself (and have a story where you are the good guy). Lack of ethics makes you weak, and tempts you to sacrifice parts of your soul for things that will feel worthless much sooner than you can imagine at the moment.
obynio 6y ago
> You will accept the things you tried and failed. But you will regret not trying. This. It's not the first time I hear this advice, and even though I'm only 24 years old, I try to live by that.
scruple 6y ago
> You will forget the people who hurt you. But you will remember the people you hurt. Maya Angelou said this very well once: > I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. I find this to be true and I also (try to) use it as a motivation to treat people better.

sanju2306 6y ago

How to build my ethics? Honest question, i have been clueless for a while.

bernie_simon 6y ago
Read the biographies of people you admire.
- armeehn 6y ago
  I will agree that this is generally a good way to go, although in my experience there have been quite a few individuals that I end up no longer admiring.
goatinaboat 6y ago
How to build my ethics? Honest question, i have been clueless for a while. Do you mean "how to I choose an ethical system to follow" or "how do I develop the strength of character to make hard choices"?
trykondev 6y ago
This is something I worked on developing in my 20s. For me, what worked was finding an "ethical role model" -- someone who acts ethically and has a good sense of right & wrong -- and trying to model my choices based on what I thought that person would choose. Sometimes this would literally involve asking them "what do you think I should do?" and sometimes I'd just try to infer. My ethical role model was my younger brother, who is one of the best people I know, and is someone who always seemed to have a good sense of "you shouldn't do that" or "this is the right thing to do, even if it's hard". I committed to evaluating my decisions based on "what would my brother think of this" and I'm very proud to say that now, in my early 30s, I consider myself to be a very ethical person who does the right thing most of the time, even when it's inconvenient, and even when it's hard. I definitely could not have said that about myself a decade ago. No idea if that will work for others, but it definitely worked for me!