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Ha, this is like the corporate version of "don't talk to the police." I've been in awkward situations where a pretty female colleague was annoyed by my dry prof

Ha, this is like the corporate version of "don't talk to the police." I've been in awkward situations where a pretty female colleague was annoyed by my dry professional attitude despite her making obvious signs, so she approached me and said point blank that I should take her somewhere on a weekend. The awkward part was that I had to maneuver from that situation out, because you know, the risk profile of that weekend trip would be strongly not in my favor in the long run.

paulryanrogers 6y ago
While certainly a problem you may find little sympathy from the legions of less hansom, tall, and or muscular men. Most of them have to hustle quite a bit to get any attention from any potential love interest.
- brippalcharrid 6y ago
  I think the point is that if your career (and life) were to be unexpectedly destroyed months or years down the line as a result of this (even if you were acting both in the spirit and within the letter of company regulations at the time), you would be in a strictly worse position than if it had never happened.
  - paulryanrogers 6y ago
    Good point. And my comment didn't add much but it's too late for me to delete it.
AlexTWithBeard 6y ago
Actually... I've been recently through sexual harassment training which explicitly said that asking another employee out, going with them for a weekend and making compliments is not harassment, unless either (1) the recipient unequivocally said "no" or (2) there's some quid-pro-quo involved such a promotions or pay raises. So you've probably missed your chance to have a nice weekend.
- gnicholas 6y ago
  I think GP's concern is legit, especially if the colleague was a subordinate, or could become a subordinate in the future. Not only could the colleague bring a claim of harassment if things didn't go well, but other colleagues could as well — on the grounds that this female colleague received special treatment as a result of her relationship with GP.
- gdyuytgh 6y ago
  Training videos aren't legal documents: they say one thing, but fine print says something different. What matters is how the rules are applied in practice. And the practice is that women are given the upper hand in nearly all situations. This means that if I took that offer and the colleague changed her mind a year later, the harassment rules wouldve been applied retroactively because it helps the company's image. And if they later found out she was lying, then the arbitration clause would apply that would bar me from seeking a legal action (which wouldn't fix my reputation regardless of outcome). This is why that opportunity was more like a cop asking "Hey, I'm in a good mood today, if you wanna test drive my police dodge, keys are on the table - just bring it back tomorrow morning."
- lenkite 6y ago
  Making compliments on physical appearance is considered harassment - especially if it is done repeatedly. The OP absolutely did the right thing. Romantic fraternization should not be initiated in the workplace.
  - joshuamorton 6y ago
    No, making unwanted complements on physical appearance is considered harassment. Knowing how to politely comment on someone's appearance is a learnable skill. (granted there's an assumption that certain kinds of comments on physical appearance are presumed unwanted, but I think that's reasonable.)
    - paloaltokid 6y ago
      That's not correct. It is in fact just any comments. It's strange but true. I know because I just finished a D&I training recently.
deleted 6y ago
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paulryanrogers 6y ago

While certainly a problem you may find little sympathy from the legions of less hansom, tall, and or muscular men. Most of them have to hustle quite a bit to get any attention from any potential love interest.

brippalcharrid 6y ago
I think the point is that if your career (and life) were to be unexpectedly destroyed months or years down the line as a result of this (even if you were acting both in the spirit and within the letter of company regulations at the time), you would be in a strictly worse position than if it had never happened.
- paulryanrogers 6y ago
  Good point. And my comment didn't add much but it's too late for me to delete it.

AlexTWithBeard 6y ago

Actually... I've been recently through sexual harassment training which explicitly said that asking another employee out, going with them for a weekend and making compliments is not harassment, unless either (1) the recipient unequivocally said "no" or (2) there's some quid-pro-quo involved such a promotions or pay raises. So you've probably missed your chance to have a nice weekend.

gnicholas 6y ago
I think GP's concern is legit, especially if the colleague was a subordinate, or could become a subordinate in the future. Not only could the colleague bring a claim of harassment if things didn't go well, but other colleagues could as well — on the grounds that this female colleague received special treatment as a result of her relationship with GP.
gdyuytgh 6y ago
Training videos aren't legal documents: they say one thing, but fine print says something different. What matters is how the rules are applied in practice. And the practice is that women are given the upper hand in nearly all situations. This means that if I took that offer and the colleague changed her mind a year later, the harassment rules wouldve been applied retroactively because it helps the company's image. And if they later found out she was lying, then the arbitration clause would apply that would bar me from seeking a legal action (which wouldn't fix my reputation regardless of outcome). This is why that opportunity was more like a cop asking "Hey, I'm in a good mood today, if you wanna test drive my police dodge, keys are on the table - just bring it back tomorrow morning."
lenkite 6y ago
Making compliments on physical appearance is considered harassment - especially if it is done repeatedly. The OP absolutely did the right thing. Romantic fraternization should not be initiated in the workplace.
- joshuamorton 6y ago
  No, making unwanted complements on physical appearance is considered harassment. Knowing how to politely comment on someone's appearance is a learnable skill. (granted there's an assumption that certain kinds of comments on physical appearance are presumed unwanted, but I think that's reasonable.)
  - paloaltokid 6y ago
    That's not correct. It is in fact just any comments. It's strange but true. I know because I just finished a D&I training recently.

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