5 ms·

So here's the thing My parents suck and I want nothing to do with them really Everything in my life is better the less I deal with them Everything

bradlys 6y ago
I think we’re going to have to accept we’re the uncommon ones around here. I don’t know what the stats are but I’ve got a feeling that most people on HN (particularly those in expensive cities) get along with their parents quite well. I’ve noticed in my time in SV that I’ve never really heard anyone say their parents are/were abusive. Or that they even really hated their parents. On the contrary, I hear most people liking their parents quite a bit. Abusive or terrible people for parents just don’t seem too common around these parts. Makes sense, abused children don’t tend to be rising stars - they kill theirselves instead. The higher you get, the more supportive the parents are. It’s hard to get far alone and without a kickstart.
- racl101 6y ago
  True. This is a very thoughtful response that gives me pause. Good parent privilege.
- t-writescode 6y ago
  On the contrary, my mom and I get along swimmingly. We also know that we don't want to be in each other's hair endlessly and our limit for each other's presence is around 2 weeks.
- munificent 6y ago
  > I’ve never really heard anyone say their parents are/were abusive. There are probably many people in your social circle with abusive parents. Just because they don't talk about it doesn't mean it didn't happen. People tend to keep their skeletons in their closets. Related: Many men would not believe how common sexual assault of women is. A lot of men are like, "I don't know any women who have been assaulted." Really, it's that you don't know any women who have told you that they have been. For many reasons, most women only bring that kind of stuff up around a select trusted set of people, if any. I always try to be mindful when interacting with people that almost everyone has some trauma in their past or some cross to bear. Just because they aren't showing it doesn't mean it isn't there.
  - bradlys 6y ago
    > There are probably many people in your social circle with abusive parents. Just because they don't talk about it doesn't mean it didn't happen. People tend to keep their skeletons in their closets. I've asked directly to a lot of people about their relationship with their parents. My point is more like: They all seem to love their parents. They call them daily or, minimum, weekly. They enjoy their family gatherings and being around their parents overall. If you did the ACE test with the younger crowd in SV's tech sphere, I would really doubt many people with troubled parents would show up. I get a score of 7 on that test and I don't see many 7+'s here. https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/ https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/ If you had shitty parents, you probably wouldn't get into tech here. The people I know with shit parents are not in tech.

bradlys 6y ago

I think we’re going to have to accept we’re the uncommon ones around here. I don’t know what the stats are but I’ve got a feeling that most people on HN (particularly those in expensive cities) get along with their parents quite well. I’ve noticed in my time in SV that I’ve never really heard anyone say their parents are/were abusive. Or that they even really hated their parents. On the contrary, I hear most people liking their parents quite a bit. Abusive or terrible people for parents just don’t seem too common around these parts. Makes sense, abused children don’t tend to be rising stars - they kill theirselves instead. The higher you get, the more supportive the parents are. It’s hard to get far alone and without a kickstart.

racl101 6y ago
True. This is a very thoughtful response that gives me pause. Good parent privilege.
t-writescode 6y ago
On the contrary, my mom and I get along swimmingly. We also know that we don't want to be in each other's hair endlessly and our limit for each other's presence is around 2 weeks.
munificent 6y ago
> I’ve never really heard anyone say their parents are/were abusive. There are probably many people in your social circle with abusive parents. Just because they don't talk about it doesn't mean it didn't happen. People tend to keep their skeletons in their closets. Related: Many men would not believe how common sexual assault of women is. A lot of men are like, "I don't know any women who have been assaulted." Really, it's that you don't know any women who have told you that they have been. For many reasons, most women only bring that kind of stuff up around a select trusted set of people, if any. I always try to be mindful when interacting with people that almost everyone has some trauma in their past or some cross to bear. Just because they aren't showing it doesn't mean it isn't there.
- bradlys 6y ago
  > There are probably many people in your social circle with abusive parents. Just because they don't talk about it doesn't mean it didn't happen. People tend to keep their skeletons in their closets. I've asked directly to a lot of people about their relationship with their parents. My point is more like: They all seem to love their parents. They call them daily or, minimum, weekly. They enjoy their family gatherings and being around their parents overall. If you did the ACE test with the younger crowd in SV's tech sphere, I would really doubt many people with troubled parents would show up. I get a score of 7 on that test and I don't see many 7+'s here. https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/ https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/ If you had shitty parents, you probably wouldn't get into tech here. The people I know with shit parents are not in tech.