yeah, there's nothing inherently wrong about trying to figure out some fact. the problem arises in how you go about doing it. once you start asking questions th

yeah, there's nothing inherently wrong about trying to figure out some fact. the problem arises in how you go about doing it. once you start asking questions that bring up painful memories, you have to consider whether the fact finding is actually worth bringing up all that pain. seems like this particular fact wasn't really worth it. related but different: something can be an ironclad matter of fact and at the same time be entirely inappropriate to mention, depending on the venue.