4 ms·

I don't care what research says... I'm leaving my cat in my profile, haha. If that scares women away looking for more "masculine men," sounds fine to me.

atoav 6y ago
As a man who never had any issue with talking to women this is similar in spirit to what I usually tell my more "traditional" nerd friends who struggle with this. They ask me how they have to talk and to be so a woman likes them, what to avoid, what to do etc. Of course there is some very general conversational things that one can do (e.g. striking a good balance between not getting to personal and not staying to vague, revealing your inner workings a bit, but not too much etc), but they are not specific to talking to women. If you ever catch yourself to totally be a different person, maybe ask yourself how you'd ever expect to figure out if that person likes you as a person, or the image you represent? And you should ask yourself if you even have the chance to ask yourself the same question about her. Suprisingly, women are people as well. Most nerds wouldn't feel like talking to 80% of male collegues - maybe because they are boring, mean, idiots, extroverts, whatever. So why would that be different for the female side? Because they have a female body? Forget that they are a women for a moment and try to get to know the person and make sure they get a chance to get to know you (the person) as well. If they don't like you, it might not have worked out anyways. If they like you, but you don't then you found out something as well. Of course the whole being attracted to someone-thing makes this harder, because whe like to see the person we are attracted to in the best light, where in fact we still have to figure out who she really is.
- nicbou 6y ago
  If you put on an act to impress someone, you will have to maintain it. I also think that suppressing your quirks make you pretty bland, as if your personality was designed by committee. I found that when I am unapologetically me, I build stronger friendships with people I actually click with. I also feel more comfortable and that likely helps.
gnu8 6y ago
I had a similar discussion with someone about hunting pictures in dating profiles. My initial opinion was to include them, because I hunt and I’m not going to compromise on that, so if it’s a dealbreaker for a potential partner, it is best to have that out in front, right? But it was explained to me that this isn’t a subtle approach. Having a picture of yourself with a thing you killed is likely to illicit a strong response from the middle group, women who don’t have a considered opinion on hunting, for or against. If that is one of the first images they see of you, they might reject you out of hand, whereas after a few dates, a mention of a hunting trip is a better way to broach the subject. So I would take the same approach with a cat. Let her find out you have a cat the first time she comes to your house. At that point she’s already decided you’re masculine enough to hang out with so it isn’t going to change anything.

atoav 6y ago

As a man who never had any issue with talking to women this is similar in spirit to what I usually tell my more "traditional" nerd friends who struggle with this. They ask me how they have to talk and to be so a woman likes them, what to avoid, what to do etc. Of course there is some very general conversational things that one can do (e.g. striking a good balance between not getting to personal and not staying to vague, revealing your inner workings a bit, but not too much etc), but they are not specific to talking to women. If you ever catch yourself to totally be a different person, maybe ask yourself how you'd ever expect to figure out if that person likes you as a person, or the image you represent? And you should ask yourself if you even have the chance to ask yourself the same question about her. Suprisingly, women are people as well. Most nerds wouldn't feel like talking to 80% of male collegues - maybe because they are boring, mean, idiots, extroverts, whatever. So why would that be different for the female side? Because they have a female body? Forget that they are a women for a moment and try to get to know the person and make sure they get a chance to get to know you (the person) as well. If they don't like you, it might not have worked out anyways. If they like you, but you don't then you found out something as well. Of course the whole being attracted to someone-thing makes this harder, because whe like to see the person we are attracted to in the best light, where in fact we still have to figure out who she really is.

nicbou 6y ago
If you put on an act to impress someone, you will have to maintain it. I also think that suppressing your quirks make you pretty bland, as if your personality was designed by committee. I found that when I am unapologetically me, I build stronger friendships with people I actually click with. I also feel more comfortable and that likely helps.

gnu8 6y ago

I had a similar discussion with someone about hunting pictures in dating profiles. My initial opinion was to include them, because I hunt and I’m not going to compromise on that, so if it’s a dealbreaker for a potential partner, it is best to have that out in front, right? But it was explained to me that this isn’t a subtle approach. Having a picture of yourself with a thing you killed is likely to illicit a strong response from the middle group, women who don’t have a considered opinion on hunting, for or against. If that is one of the first images they see of you, they might reject you out of hand, whereas after a few dates, a mention of a hunting trip is a better way to broach the subject. So I would take the same approach with a cat. Let her find out you have a cat the first time she comes to your house. At that point she’s already decided you’re masculine enough to hang out with so it isn’t going to change anything.